


NES on NBC on VHS

by Will_Keaton



Category: Captain N: The Game Master, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Review
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 05:35:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 74,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15745326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Will_Keaton/pseuds/Will_Keaton
Summary: A summary and review of Captain N and the Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3.





	1. Press Start

The year was 1990 and I was four years old. I owned a [Nintendo Entertainment System](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nintendo_Entertainment_System) that I loved dearly. The crown jewel of my admittedly spartan NES collection was _[Super Mario Bros. 3](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKuFlO8FdRA)._ Many hours were spent playing that game on the TV downstairs. One day I was watching television when I came across a segment of an unusual animated program. It showed a pair of dogs running and jumping about to some very familiar sound effects. There was also a group of astronauts present, two of whom appeared much too small for their suits. A moment later the suits were removed, revealing two of the Koopalings from my beloved game. Shortly after that the dogs acquired a magic wand and turned themselves into Luigi and one of the seven mushroom kings.

I could not believe what I had just witnessed. There was a cartoon based off of the greatest NES game ever. Too young to tell time or know the days of the week, I told my mother and for weeks afterwards she would record this program on our VCR. As we recorded our program on Saturday mornings on NBC, we recorded not only _Super Mario Bros._ , like I wanted, but we also ended up recording a show called _Captain N: The Game Master_. When all was said and done, we had ten and a half episodes of _[Captain N& The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3](https://captainn.wikia.com/wiki/Captain_N_and_the_Adventures_of_Super_Mario_Bros._3)_. The show ran for 13 episodes under this title, and we failed to record several episodes, but the collection was mostly complete. I also have several other shows recorded from back in the day, such as _[Tiny Toon Adventures](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EiEX4tmCfY)_ , _[Bucky O'Hare](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6Mh7hhaqhk)_ and of course _[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxuvUAjHYWQ)_. However, we're here to talk about _Mario_ and _Captain N_.

Most of you have probably heard of something called the _[The Super Mario Bros. Super Show](https://www.mariowiki.com/The_Super_Mario_Bros._Super_Show!)_ that aired in the late 1980s. I actually didn't see any episodes of _Super Show_ until a few years after these tapes were recorded. I recall watching (but not recording) _Super Show_ episodes when they were broadcast on Sunday mornings on [YTV](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/YTV_\(TV_channel\)). The _Super Show_ took inspiration from _Super Mario Bros._ and _Super Mario Bros. 2_ , borrowing some characters and power-ups, but notably not the setting. Because of the popularity of that show, another series was created, this one based specifically off the _Mario Bros. 3_ game, but this cartoon was more faithful to the source material than the _Super Show_ was. As for _Captain N_ , I didn't know it at the time, but what we were recording was the second season of the show. I first watched Season 1 of _Captain N_ online many years later. Thank you internet. _Captain N & The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ was organized thusly: one 15 minute episode of _Mario Bros. 3_ , one 30 minute episode of _Captain N_ and one more 15 minute episode of _Mario Bros. 3._ These numbers include commercials, obviously. I have many fond memories of watching these VHS tapes as a small child. In fact, I am relatively certain this was the first TV show I ever watched that was not aimed specifically at preschool kids, as shows like _[Care Bears](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Care_Bears)_ and _[Sesame Street](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sesame_Street)_ were.

Later, a new show called _[Super Mario World](https://www.mariowiki.com/Super_Mario_World_\(television_series\))_ aired alongside the third season of _Captain N_. We'll touch upon that series later. This summary will focus on the _Mario Bros. 3_ cartoon and Season 2 of _Captain N_ , which, in my opinion, is the high point of both series.

All these Nintendo-based series that we'll be discussing were created by a Canadian company called [DIC](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DIC_Entertainment), which made a lot of cartoons back in the day. _Captain N_ , _The Super Mario Bros. Super Show_ , _The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ , _Super Mario World_ and the _The Legend of Zelda_ cartoon were all made by DIC.

Now, let's get started.

\----

 

**The Adventure of Super Mario Bros. 3**

_The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ was a different beast from _The Super Mario Bros. Super Show_ that preceded it. The _Super Show_ spent most episodes paying homage to (or just plain ripping off) much more well-known and well-written works, ranging from _[Goldfinger](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldfinger_\(film\))_ to _[Star Wars](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_\(film\))_ to _[Robocop](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RoboCop)_. The good guys were Mario, Luigi, Toadstool and Toad. Bowser, called King Koopa here, was the main bad guy, and in each episode he had a unique persona, complete with a punny name and costume to go along with it. There were a few episode here and there where he didn't wear a costume and called himself King Koopa, but these were rare. He commanded the Koopa Pack, which did have koopa troopas, but most of his minions were from _Super Mario Bros. 2_. The _Super Show_ wasn't actually set in the Mushroom Kingdom, or Subcon. Each episode was set in a unique "Land," like "Rap Land." There were about 3 episodes that were in fact set in the Mushroom Kingdom and not a random themed "Land." The _Super Show_ also had live-action segments before and after the animated portion. In every fifth episode of the _Super Show_ , the cartoon wasn't _Mario_ , but was instead an episode of _The Legend of Zelda_. People often look back fondly on the _Super Show_ , but no one ever talks about _The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_. That's part of the reason why I'm doing this.

Unlike the _Super Show_ , _The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ has a consistent setting. The Mushroom Kingdom is ruled by Princess Toadstool, Koopa and his seven kids live in Kastle Koopa, from which they rule Dark Land, and several other kingdoms taken from the _Mario Bros. 3_ game appear, each ruled by a king. A typical episode would have Mario and Luigi do their best to prevent King Koopa from pulling off whatever nasty plot he had schemed that day. In addition to King Koopa, the brothers also had to fend off Koopa's seven children. We spend a lot of time with the royal Koopa family and get to see them in all their dysfunction, playing off each other. For me it's the most interesting part of the show. Scenes with them are much more compelling than scenes with the good guys, and you want to see them succeed. Kind of. The seven Koopa Kids in the cartoon are obviously based on the seven Koopalings from the video game, but this show began production before official names and personalities were given to the kids, meaning they all have different names than their game counterparts, and in a few cases, had wildly divergent personalities. Also, the live action segments from the _Super Show_ have been completely excised, meaning everything in the show is animated. The voice actors for Mario and Luigi have changed since the _Super Show_ but Koopa, Toadstool and Toad all kept their _Super Show_ voice actors.

The show's opening has a narrator saying that Koopa had left the Mushroom Kingdom. (The writer's bible states that Mario and Luigi had chased Koopa into a “Banishment Zone” and sealed the entrance with 10,000 bricks.) But the peace doesn't last long because Koopa arrives in his Doomship accompanied by his seven Koopa Kids, who proceed to cause mayhem. Then the Mario brothers stop the Koopa's shenanigans with their new powers. The title card for each episode featured a yellow curtain with "The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3" proudly displayed above an image of racoon Mario taking off. The curtain would rise, revealing the episode title written on top of one of the maps from the _Mario Bros. 3_ game with the appropriate music playing. Episodes would conclude by dropping a yellow curtain with "The End" written in blue text, while the credits theme from the game played. The show's end credits consist of a few shots from the first episode, specifically Mario and Luigi grabbing those leaves, followed by a shortened version of the opening, played in silence except for the theme song, but with the credits displayed overtop.

One element that crops up in about half the episodes was the “Real World.” Basically, Earth as we know it. Long before the video games suggested that Mario and Luigi were natives of the Mushroom World, the cartoons established they were plumbers from Brooklyn. Many of the Koopas' schemes involved traveling to the “Real World” for one reason or another. Oddly, everyone seems to use the term “Real World” even though, logically speaking, only Mario and Luigi would have a reason to identify it as such.

_The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ regularly used sound effects and music taken straight from the NES game. In addition, every episode would have an action montage set to music. The _Mario_ cartoon segments in _Super Show_ had montages set to covers of popular music at the time, like “Beat It.” _Mario 3_ followed the precedent set by the _Super Show_ , but now the songs were sung by the Koopa Kids' voice actors, and not every song was a cover. Just as many songs were original compositions. The original songs ranged from terrible to great, and whether it was a cover or an original song it would usually play at the climax, often turning the montage into the centerpiece of the episode. As a kid I actually didn't know they were using songs taken from other sources. This show was my introduction ot songs like “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” and “Great Balls of Fire.” It wasn't until I was older that I learned that some songs weren't made for this show. _Mario World_ also had montages, but they never played any cover songs, instead always playing original stuff, though, again, the songs were always sung by the Koopa Kids' voice actors. Tragically, when _Mario 3_ aired years later on another network, renditions of copyrighted songs were cut out and replaced with other music, specifically an instrumental rendition of “[Megamove](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ongkK-NK70s).” The altered versions of these episode are the ones included on the DVD release of the series, making an episode with the original audio hard to find. The same is true of the songs in the _Super Show_. All the covers of popular songs were taken out and replaced with instrumental renditions, but unlike _Mario 3_ , they actually used several different songs instead of just playing "Megamove" every single time.

Characters:

When the DVDs for this show were released, they shipped with segments outlining the basic outline for the series, as well as information on every major character. Fortunately, [this writer's bible is available online](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHwJMRG-beedB9oCp9d3N8fb4J8UR8Gcx). Definitely worth checking out.

[Mario](http://66.media.tumblr.com/957da10b585acbd81fefdf774b062d8b/tumblr_mh13ztoFk81rrftcdo1_1280.jpg): Voiced by [Walker Boone](https://www.mariowiki.com/Walker_Boone). The older of the two Mario brothers and the designated hero of the show. Mario will run headfirst into danger with little regard for his own safety, or his brother's. Mario is a big eater and tends to make pasta puns, though thankfully this trait is not as omnipresent as it was in the _Super Show._

[Luigi](http://www.mariowiki.com/images/e/e9/SMWLuigi.png): Voiced by [ Tony Rosato](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Rosato). The younger of the two brothers, Luigi tends to have reservations about some of the more intense situations they get themselves into. Long before this trait was incorporated into the Luigi of the video games, this Luigi's reluctance to jump into danger saw its origins both here, and on the _Super Show_ that preceded it.

[Princess Toadstool](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ilIdHmCcwy4/hqdefault.jpg): Voiced by [Tracey Moore](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tracey_Moore). Crown Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. In the video games, Toadstool has a reputation for being kidnapped on a regular basis, however such a thing only happened on occasion in the series. She is shown to be intelligent and resourceful, and according to the writer's bible, is apparently 17. She certainly doesn't act like she's 17. Well, except for the one time she went to that Milli Vanilli concert.

[Toad](http://s1.dmcdn.net/Moe5q/1280x720-52l.jpg): Voiced by [ John Stocker](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Stocker_\(voice_actor\)). The last of the protagonists is this native of the Mushroom Kingdom. In episodes that focused on him, Toad was often shown to make bad judgment calls and ignore the advice of others, in order to teach the viewers at home a lesson. A prime example is the time he used a magician's wand when he wasn't supposed to and ended up causing mayhem with it. Also, that shroom thing on his head is just a hat in this show, he even took it off in one episode. This is in contrast to the the games where it is indeed a part of his head.

[ King Koopa](http://www.mariowiki.com/images/0/01/TAoSMB3Bowser.jpg): Voiced by [ Harvey Atkin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Atkin). Known in the video games as Bowser, King Koopa is the ruler of Dark Land and has an army of baddies that follow his command. His schemes fluctuate between trying to conquer something, and teaching his seven children how to be bad. That, or caving in to Kootie Pie's demands. While he was a blank slate in the early games, this series, like the _Super Show_ , demonstrated that Koopa wanted to be bad, but was never shown to be truly evil. When you get right down to it, Koopa's all bark and no bite. Though his plots involve conquest, kidnapping and stealing, no one is ever really hurt in his schemes. This same boastfulness, goofiness, and general lack of malice, would later become part of his character in the video games, displaying itself most prominently in the RPGs. Also, his kids all call him “King Dad,” which I think is cute. Koopa is the one character whose design is substantially different from his [design in the games](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTidIgTwABanvLo0Y18yhdYlI9-E548tefdp2oQYSnC8nADUg9lBg). Here he’s all green and has a crown instead of red hair. Not sure why he’s the only one like this. It’s the design he had in the _Super Show_. I can see how one might see [his original sprite](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/40/a7/4c/40a74c95e7bd4e26925b4783a758dca4.jpg) and think he might be green all over, and he didn’t have that red hair there either. Also, [Wart](https://www.mariowiki.com/images/thumb/e/ea/Wart.png/250px-Wart.png), from _Super Mario Bros. 2_ , was also all green and had a crown, and I think this Koopa may have been partially based off Wart.

[ Cheatsy Koopa](http://www.mariowiki.com/images/c/c2/Cheatsy.jpg): Voiced by James Rankin. Known in the video games as Larry, Cheatsy is the one most often chosen by his father to accompany him on missions. In most of Cheatsy's appearances, Koopa attempts to teach him the ways of dishonesty and cheating. Cheatsy learns his lessons well and absolutely loves anything underhanded.

[Kootie Pie Koopa](http://www.mariowiki.com/images/a/a0/KootiePie.jpg): Voiced by [ Tabitha St. Germain](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabitha_St._Germain%20rel=). Known in the games as Wendy O., Kootie Pie is a spoiled brat. Constantly wailing whenever she doesn't get what she wants, many of her father's schemes are initiated by him caving in and giving his only daughter whatever she wants. In the games Wendy has been described as being a singer, and Kootie Pie has demonstrated enjoying both listening to music and singing herself.

[ Kooky von Koopa](http://www.mariowiki.com/images/2/25/KookyVonKoopa.jpg): Voiced by [ Michael Stark](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Stark). Known in the games as Ludwig Von Koopa, Kooky manages to somehow keep the Von part of his name. Kooky is a mad scientist who cooks up all kinds of mechanical mischief. In the games Ludwig was described as a tone deaf composer, while it was Iggy that was known to be the mad scientist type. Kooky's hair is also a complete mess.

[ Bigmouth Koopa](http://www.mariowiki.com/images/0/03/BigMouth.jpg): Voiced by Gordon Masten. Known in the games as Morton Jr., this Koopa will talk your ear off. Constantly spewing a deluge of verbal diarrhea, Bigmouth is often silenced by physical abuse from his brother Bully. Interestingly, the fact that his game counterpart is named after talk show host Morton Downey Jr. would suggest that incarnation loves to talk as well.

[ Bully Koopa](http://www.mariowiki.com/images/d/dd/BullyKoopa.jpg): Voiced by [ Dan Hennessey](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Hennessey). Known in the games as Roy, Bully is known for using brute force in all situations, and getting Bigmouth to shut up when he goes off on one of his many diatribes. Both incarnations of the character are regarded as “tough guys” despite being coloured pink.

[Hip](http://www.mariowiki.com/images/9/98/HipKoopa.jpg) & [Hop](http://www.mariowiki.com/images/5/50/HopKoopa.jpg) Koopa: Voiced by [ Tara Strong](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tara_Strong). Known in the games as Lemmy and Iggy respectively, these two are twins in the cartoon, and as a result do everything together, even finish each other's sentences. They're also the youngest of the seven kids. While the other kids are teens, these two are said to be 6 years old by the character bible. In the games, Iggy has sometimes been regarded as a demented inventor, the kind of person who could build and army of robots from a pile of spare parts, yet forget how to dress himself. Not that he wears clothes to begin with. Hop and Lemmy however are basically the same, as both enjoy goofing off far more than following through with any evil schemes.

\----

 

**Captain N**

_Captain N: The Game Master_ had aired for one season before it was combined with _Super Mario Bros. 3_ for its second season. Its third season would air together with _Super Mario World_ with half length episodes and much worse animation. The second part of the title, _The Game Master_ , is usually dropped when _Captain N_ is combined with other shows, as it was here when it was combined with _Mario Bros. 3_ and later with _Super Mario World_.

The story of _Captain N_ tells of a place called Videoland, where video game characters, or people that bear a passing resemblance to video game characters, live. Portals called Warp Zones act to connect one video game realm to another. Seven years ago Mother Brain started a war by trying to conquer the Palace of Power, the heart of Videoland. During the conflict, the king of the palace, King Charles, was thrown into another dimension. His daughter, Princess Lana, then took over, and with the help of three heroes, defended the palace from Mother Brain. In the first episode of the series, something called the Ultimate Warp Zone opened a warp to our world and brought to Videoland a teenager named Kevin Keene, who is supposed to defeat Mother Brain and save Videoland.

While all other warp zones are circular vortexes of energy, the Ultimate Warp Zone sits in the Palace of Power and is a silver glove making a fist. At least, that's what appears to do the talking. It's probably the portal itself that opens to bring Kevin to Videoland, but in the openings for all three season they show this glove whenever they bring up the Ultimate Warp Zone.

The opening used during Season 2 episodes is different from the one used during Season 1. While the Season 1 opening shows a bunch of the video worlds, this opening has Lana mention an “ancient prophecy,” regarding a person from another world, before the Ultimate Warp Zone sucks Kevin into Videoland through his TV. The Season 3 opening is actually very similar to the Season 2 one, but it's shorter, voiced by Kevin instead of Lana, and uses Season 3 character models. The end credits recycle footage from the opening, sans narration and sound effects, while the credits are displayed on overtop the screen.

_Captain N_ has a reputation for being a poor representation of the video games it depicts. Characters often look and act nothing like they're supposed to, though when I first watched the show I hadn't played most of the games in question, so I personally didn't know that anything was wrong. In fact, I'm not sure that at first I even knew the show was based on actual video games.

Strangely, all the inhabitants of Videoland seem to know they live in video games, but they never make a big deal of it. Like, in episode two of the first season, Mother Brain is watching footage of Kevin playing _[The Adventures of Bayou Billy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUZcbojyLBs)_ prior to his being called to Videoland. How she has footage from another dimension is beyond me. Momma B realizes that Kevin sucks at _Bayou Billy_ , so she tricks Kevin into going to Bayouland. No one bats an eye at this. It's like everyone is perfectly content to not question what it actually mean to exist inside a video game. Plus, they call their universe Videoland.

As previously stated, in every fifth episode of the _Super Show_ the cartoon was not _Mario_ , but was instead _[The Legend of Zelda](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_6gccuhhfY)._ The same Link and Zelda that starred in that series reappear here in four _Captain N_ episodes, with some changes to their appearances. There were no appearances by _Zelda_ characters in Season 1 of _Captain N_ and there aren't any in Season 3 either. They only appear in Season 2. Ganon, the main villain of the _Zelda_ cartoon, appears in a single episode this season. Two recurring characters from the _Zelda_ cartoon, King Harkinian, Zelda's father, and Spryte, a fairy, did not manage to make the transition and do not appear in _Captain N_ at all.

As with _The Adventures of Mario Bros. 3_ _Captain N_ relied heavily on game sound effects and music. In addition, every episode would also have an action montage accompanied by a popular hit song, performed by DIC's in-house recording team. In Season 1, these songs were straight covers, however in Season 2, the song titles and lyrics were changed, presumably to avoid copyright issues. For example, the song “Freak” is a cover of “Monster Mash” that plays during the first episode of the season, with the same melody as the original song, but different lyrics. When I was a kid, I had no idea some of the songs used by _Captain N_ were popular songs with the lyrics changed, I just assumed everything was original content made for this show. Because the songs used in Season 1 of _Captain N_ were straight covers, later airings of Season 1 episodes would have those songs replaced with something else, again, usually an instrumental version of “Megamove.” However, Season 2 songs remain untouched even on the DVD, almost certainly because of the changes in the lyrics. I think there were some songs in Season 2 that are original compositions. I know “Megamove” is an original song. Then there are some songs that stump me. I'm not sure if they are sound-alikes or original songs. Season 3 lacked these musical segments altogether.

Characters:

N Team

[Kevin Keene](https://bitsofsentimentality.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/04-02.jpg), AKA Captain N: Voiced by [ Matt Hill](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matt_Hill). The hero of the story. Kevin is an ordinary kid who got sucked into Videoland unexpectedly. He stays to help defeat Mother Brain, and because he doesn't want to clean his room. He has a zapper for shooting things, and an NES game pad that gives him special powers. Pressing the D-pad lets him move quickly in a given direction, while pressing A would let him jump high. I don't know if he ever uses the B button. He also frequently pauses the game. However, the animators made a mistake and 99% of the time Kevin presses the Select button to pause the game. He also has a crush on Lana, much to Simon's chagrin.

[Duke](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s1_hbdmm_25.jpg): Voiced by Tomm Wright. When Kevin was brought to Videoland by The Ultimate Warp Zone, his dog Duke got brought with him. Duke, does, well... he does dog things, I guess. He doesn't really have a significant role in the series.

[Princess Lana](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s1_hb_16.jpg): Voiced by [ Venus Terzo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venus_Terzo). Princess of the Palace of Power and the ruler of Videoland, despite the fact that it is an amalgamation of dozens of independent worlds that each look after themselves. Don't sweat the details. Has a crush on Kevin, much to Simon's chagrin. I know I said this already but Simon really doesn't like it.

[Simon Belmont](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s1_tmaad_12.jpg): Voiced by [ Andrew Kavadas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Kavadas). Hero of _[Castlevania](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castlevania)._ While the Simon of the video games is a fearless warrior, this Simon is not. Not at all. The writers turned Simon into a comic relief character obsessed with his own ego. Not an episode goes by without Simon looking at himself in his hand mirror. He's the last one to rush into battle and the first one to run away screaming. Simon dresses like a biplane pilot, with goggles and everything. He also has a backpack that he is constantly pulling objects out of. Simon is attracted to Princess Lana. His feelings are not reciprocated. I mean, Lana likes Simon, but she doesn't ''like'' like him. Simon also hits on any other female character that he deems to be attractive, making me question if he actually likes Lana or just tries to romance anything with a pretty face. Likewise, I'm not sure if he's a coward or not. A lot of the time something will happen and he'll run away screaming, but just as often he runs into danger without any complaint.

[Mega Man](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s1_hbdmm_05.jpg): Voiced by [ Doug Parker](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doug_Parker_\(voice_actor\)). A little too short and a little too green to be confused with [ his game counterpart](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mega_Man), Mega Man's role on the team is either to be the robot, or the strong guy. His role as the robot was brought up a few times in Season 1, but in this season, Game Boy takes over as the machine on the team. He still has super strength, which is something he doesn't have in the games, unless he;s using Guts Man's power. And he sounds like he has a frog in his throat. For some reason he wears a sort of mask or something that covers the top part of his face except for the eyes. I'm not sure what's going on with this because he certainly doesn't have anything like this in the games. It's just a really weird design decision. Mega Man tends to prefix certain phrases with “mega.” Sometimes this is tolerable, while other times it's mega-annoying. In the show he comes from a place called Megaland.

[Kid Icarus](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s1_wt_07.jpg): Voiced by [ Alessandro Juliani](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alessandro_Juliani). Though he's called Pit in his games, the writers named him Kid Icarus after the title of [ the games he's in](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kid_Icarus). Though it doesn't come up in this season, Kid Icarus' native game world is called Mount Icarus. In the games he's from Angel Land. Kid Icarus' show design is among the closest to his game design of the main cast. The writer's took the Kid part of his name and ran with it, making him naive and childlike, at least in the episodes where he's the focus. Tends to use the suffix -icus in an attempt to sound Latin.

[Game Boy](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s2_gb_28.jpg): Voiced by [Frank Welker](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Welker). A new addition to the team, Game Boy is a giant talking, well, [Game Boy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_Boy), who debuts in the first episode of Season 2, appropriately titled “Game Boy.” His powers include the ability to morph his screen into various shapes, and to talk like a speak-and-spell.

Mother Brain's crew

[Mother Brian](http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/mother_brain_from_captain_n.jpg): Voiced by [Levi Stubbs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levi_Stubbs). The evil Mother Brain hails from the game world of _[Metroid](https://metroid.wikia.com/wiki/Metroid)_ , which, in this show, is not a species of energy parasite, but a giant brain-shaped ship. Whereas the video game version of Mother Brain never really talks, this one won't shut up. This brain in a jar is a living impersonation of [Audrey II](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFx7kfHnKg8) from _[Little Shop of Horrors](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Shop_of_Horrors_\(film\))_ , as both are voiced by the same guy. This is probably the only show where you'll see a disembodied brain in a jar who talks about how beautiful she is. They also gave her a face, which is a pair of eyeballs and a mouth attached to what appears to be pink tissue hanging down from the brain. It's both kind of unsettling and silly at the same time. You can also see a spine holding up her brain. And she wears make-up, though how it doesn't run while she's suspended in fluid is a mystery for the ages. Also, the real Mother Brain is a super computer with both organic and mechanical parts, but _Captain N_ 's Mother Brain is just the organic parts and is neither a computer nor even partially mechanical. I got _[Super Metroid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mOsQ8GJJHc)_ as a Christmas present in 1994, but the Mother Brain in that game and the _Captain N_ version were so different that I wouldn't realize they were supposed to be the same character till years later.

[Dr. Wily](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s1_mdgm_03.jpg): Voiced by [ Ian James Corlett](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ian_James_Corlett). Nemesis of Mega Man, Dr. Wily is Mother Brain's mad scientist. Any time something evil needs to be built he's the man for the job. In the games he comes from his full name is Dr. Albert Wily, but I don't think his first name is ever used in the show. Wily managed to come out looking basically the same as his game counterpart, though he seems to be much shorter than he was in the video games. He also tends to wheeze from time to time, but he does so much less than he did in Season 1.

[Eggplant Wizard](http://bogleech.com/gaming/icarus-eggplantwizardn.jpg): Voiced by [ Michael Donovan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Donovan). One of Mother Brain's two henchmen. Hailing from _Kid Icarus,_ he's basically a perfect transfer of his game likeness, if a little cornier. Uses magic vegetables to do basically everything. He's also big into vegetable puns. The guy knows his schtick and doesn't see any reason to branch out.

[King Hippo](http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/fictionalcrossover/images/c/c4/CaptainN_01_KingHippo.png/revision/latest?cb=20130824211004): Voiced by [ Garry Chalk](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garry_Chalk=). The other one of Mother Brain's henchmen. Hailing from _[Punch-Out!!](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punch-Out!!)_ he works with Eggplant Wizard to pull off schemes and provide comic relief for the villains. He's as big and round as he is in the games, but here he's blue for some reason.

Recurring characters

[Princess Zelda](http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/37700000/Princess-Zelda-princesses-37751169-407-480.jpg): Voiced by [ Cynthia Preston](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cynthia_Preston). Princess of Hyrule. Zelda was one of the main characters from the _Legend of Zelda_ segment of the _Super Mario Super Show_. She appears here, more or less [how she appeared back then](https://d1u5p3l4wpay3k.cloudfront.net/zelda_gamepedia_en/thumb/7/7b/Zelda_2_%28Underworld_Connections%29.png/300px-Zelda_2_%28Underworld_Connections%29.png?version=acb046c097eba03566652d25515f8560), save for a slight costume change.

[Link](http://zeldawiki.org/images/0/02/Link_\(Captain_N\).png): Voiced by [ Jonathan Potts](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Potts). As with Zelda, Link brings the same voice actor and basic appearance with him from _The Super Mario Bros. Super Show_. Although his face has changed shape slightly from [ how he used to look](https://pm1.narvii.com/6513/12043eb9dc2318e53a2da7f0d8e509d2e830fdb8_hq.jpg). Maybe he had some work done? Does Hyrule have plastic surgeons?

[Donkey Kong](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s1_stam_15.jpg): Voiced by [ Garry Chalk](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garry_Chalk). Like the [ video game Donkey Kong](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pp2aMs38ERY) we all know and love, this Kong is a big gorilla. However, the writers for the show clearly assumed that since his last name was Kong, that DK was a King Kong sized ape. Thus, while the DK in the games was the size of an ordinary gorilla, the Captain N version of DK was giant. DK never speaks, only communicating by grunting noises.

\----

With the basics covered, we're going to get into the 13 episodes that make up the show. We are going to cover the episodes as they appear on my old VHS tapes, then swing around to the ones that we missed afterwards. This show came on Saturday mornings after a show called _[Camp Candy](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrQ8NHz6T4Q%20rel=)_ on NBC. I know this because the VHS tape would catch the end credits for _Camp Candy_ just as it started recording. Using the power of the internet I have learned that a show called _[Gravedale High](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGhZegXEj3U%20rel=)_ aired after this show, though I never once saw an ad for it, or _Camp Candy_ for that matter.

Each episode would open with a short teaser for the _Captain N_ segment of the program, where images from the episode played while a character from the show talked over them, describing the episode's premise. Next was a teaser for the second _Mario_ episode, again narrated by a character from the show and accompanied by clips of that episode. The first _Mario_ episode never got such a teaser, presumably because one wouldn’t have to wait long for that episode to start. After the teasers had finished, the narrator would announce “And now Captain N  & The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3!” over a shot of both logos. Then [opening](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBqaipvB9fk) for the show would play. We cut to commercial before beginning our first _Mario_ episode. Halfway through that we had a commercial break. When we get back from commercial, we finish the episode, then cut to another commercial before the _Captain N_ episode begins. _Captain N_ contains two commercial breaks within it, and once it's finished we get another commercial before the second _Mario_ episode. After that episode finishes one more commercial comes before the [end credits](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMqIXJvFDlY) roll.


	2. Growing Pains

Fortunately for me, the first episode that we recorded just happened to be the first episode of the season. The first _Mario_ episode serves as a good introduction to the series, and the _Captain N_ episode is the first episode of the second season. It also introduces us to Game Boy.

**Sneaky Lying Cheating Giant Ninja Koopas**

Our first episode begins in Kastle Koopa, where the kids are being their rambunctious selves. Hip and Hop are jumping on a chair, Kootie Pie and Cheatsy are pulling Kooky's hair and, as usual, Bully is trying to inflict physical harm on Bigmouth. Koopa calls his kids to attention. He wants his kids to get Prince Hugo the Huge, a giant-sized mushroom person who rules over Giant Land, as Bigmouth explains. Bully knocks him over for his troubles. This is going to be a recurring theme people. Koopa wants to turn Hugo into a miniature poodle, and asks for volunteers to nab the king. Kootie Pie volunteers Bully by pushing him forward. Bully wants to try capturing smaller royalty, but Koopa orders Bully, Cheatsy, Kooky and Bigmouth to step forward. He turns the four into Sneaky Lying Cheating Giant Ninja Koopas™ after pulling one of his wands off the wall and casting a spell that makes them giant sized and gives them headbands and waistbands. No longer important to the plot, the other three kids disappear from the episode.

Meanwhile at Prince Hugo's castle, Mario and crew arrive answering a message that, according to Toad, was bigger than the post office. Hugo's worried, because his army just got creamed by the four Koopa Kids. Hugo also has a giant parrot that disses the brothers for being small. Mario and Luigi leave the castle planning to find a pair of leaves before they engage the giant Koopas. Personally, I think they're gonna need a little more than that to stand a chance.

Outside the castle, the brothers run into a problem, namely an angry sun. The brothers run for it until they find a leaf. A single leaf. They both touch it, and both gain their raccoon powers. Pretty sure that's cheating guys. The sun somehow doesn't recognize them, and asks if they've seen where the plumbers went to. Mario directs him behind a cloud, and after pointing out “that sun is not too bright,” the pair fly off to stop the Koopas, while Luigi reminds Mario that if they get touched they lose their powers. Exposition at its most ham-fisted.

Back at the castle, the kids break down the door and Bully pushes over Prince Hugo before grabbing Toadstool and Toad. The brothers arrive and buzz around Bigmouth's head as he is now holding Toadstool and Toad somehow. Bigmouth gets tired of swatting at the flying raccoons and uses his breath to create a miniature tornado that sweeps up Mario and smashes him against a warp pipe. A piranha plant, that has eyes and is coloured green for some reason, bites Mario's tail, turning him back to normal. Meanwhile, Bigmouth grabs Luigi and he turns back to normal too.

With the battle won, the Koopas evict the parrot from his cage and place their three prisoners inside. Before they can grab Mario however, he jumps on the parrot's back. The parrot is reluctant to leave his cage because it has all his stuff in it, but Mario promises to get it back for him and the pair fly off.

Back at Kastle Koopa, King Dad lavishes his kids with praise, then grabs his poodle wand (his words, not mine) from the stand on the wall, and turns Hugo into a miniature poodle. A giant-sized miniature poodle. Toadstool laments Hugo's fate. The task completed, Koopa returns his poodle wand to the wall mount and grabs his giant ninja wand to change his kids back to normal, but the kids talk him out of it. In celebration, Koopa gets a ride on Bigmouth's shoulder. Meanwhile Mario and the parrot sneak up to the bird cage. Mario can't get the door open, but he does have a plan. While the Koopa family is celebrating, Mario switches the poodle wand and giant ninja wand on the wand rack. It brings me no small amount of joy that Koopa has a wand for the sole purpose of turning people into poodles. Bigmouth asks where they're going to invade next and Kooky, using Bully's voice, suggests Water Land. Mario approaches the scaly king and addresses him by his full name, Bowser Koopa. The kids grab Mario, and Toadstool loudly exclaims that Koopa will probably turn Mario into a poodle, while right next to her Luigi is suddenly wearing Mario's clothes. Ah, animation errors, where would we be without you? Koopa loves that idea, then grabs the wand in the poodle wand's slot without looking. Even though the shot immediately before shows him looking at the wands. Koopa uses the wand and Mario becomes a giant wearing a karate gi, who introduces himself "Good Truthful Honest Ninja Mario," yes, that's exactly what he says, In the process he manages to burn Bigmouth's hand, since he was holding Mario at the time.

Now that we've reached the climax, we get our first song, titled “Ninjaman,” definitely one of the more fun songs we'll hear, though it's also one of the more cheezy. Mario opens the cage door, damaging it in the process. With the three prisoners released Koopa drops his wand and hides behind his children. However, before any fighting can take place, Toadstool grabs the giant ninja wand and turns the kids back to normal. Luigi then grabs the poodle wand and turns Hugo back to normal.

His plan in shambles, Koopa leaps into the air and smashes his head into the ceiling, which for some reason summons a warp pipe. He then leaps into the warp pipe with his kids right behind him. Though, since this is his house, I'm not really sure where they're retreating to. Toadstool turns Mario back to normal while he's shaking Hugo's hand, nearly getting him killed in the process. The parrot however, is not pleased that his cage has been damaged, and grabs the giant ninja wand from Toadstool. He uses the wand to make himself slightly larger and gain a belt, then begins to threaten Mario, chasing him around the room as the episode ends.

**Game Boy**

We begin in what appears to be the observatory in the Palace of Power. The narrator helpfully explains that they are about to rescue Lana's father from a “Mirror warp” that Mother Brain banished him to. I'd just like to say the music that this episode plays at the beginning is really good. It's very ominous sounding. Makes it seem like something really important is going to happen. Lana points out the “inter-dimensional warp only opens 1000 video years.” _Captain N_ : the clumsy exposition master. They even have a clock counting down till the exact moment. Kevin points out that video games are his specialty, which has absolutely nothing to do with what's going on right now. I guess he just says stuff like that regularly so people don't forget what he's doing there. Mega Man opens a door in the ceiling and turns on a tractor beam. I'm not entirely certain exactly what it is they're trying to accomplish here.

Kevin and Lana talk for a bit, and a pixelated image of King Charles appears on a screen. Lana's happy her dad made it to his end of the warp on time. However, Charles says he's not coming. Instead, he wants to send somebody called Game Boy, and apparently there's only room for one in the space capsule he has. Charles says Game Boy is from the dimension he's in now, which seems a little odd, since we actually saw the mirror dimension in a Season 1 episode. It was one of those deals where everything looked the same but everything was backwards. Good guys were evil and when people did laundry they made their clean clothes dirty. No idea where Chuck found this Game Boy. He also says he believes one day Game Boy will be their greatest warrior. Kevin looks visibly shocked by this, but don't worry, any feelings Kevin might have about being replaced as the hero are immediately forgotten. Chuck says Game Boy's been like a son to him, and says goodbye. Simon says that with this new hero, Kevin will no longer be needed, but Kevin says he's not worried. Lana takes the part about Game Boy being like a son to her dad a little too literally and starts swooning over the idea of having a baby brother. Kevin's so shocked by this, he actually falls over in the chair he's sitting in. Lana even goes off to get his room ready. This, despite the fact that the clock saying when the warp opens was showing four minutes the last time we saw it. Simon starts swooning over himself in his hand mirror, saying Lana will think he's cuter than Game Boy. Kid Icarus chimes in and say “I'm the one her high-nicus bakes videochip cookies for.” Yeah, that sounds like it would be totally edible. Mega Man then states that Lana must like him best cause she reads him “mega-bedtime stories.” Why a robot would need someone to read him bedtime stories is beyond me.

Over at Mother Brain's pad, the big brain herself has been watching everything on her video monitor thingy, which lets her see anything in all of Videoland. Where did she get it? How does it work? Simple: It's powered by lazy writing. Mother Brain calls in Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, the latter of who manages to KO himself while giving a salute. Momma B orders them to find this Game Boy and bring him to her.

Back at the palace, the N Team, sans Lana, are looking into what appears to be deep space, when they say the “tractor beam” has locked onto something “coming this way at mega-warp speed.” Yeah, I'm pretty sure the writers don't know what either of those phrases mean. The group sees that the ship, which they call a satellite for some reason, is about to be attacked by Mother Brain's goons piloting, um, some kind of spaceship that looks like a giant jaw of some sort.

Just as the pair are about to grab the smaller ship, Kevin and Simon appear via a warp zone, driving what I believe is the vehicle from _[Solar Striker](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4Hp87IF9CU),_ complete with music from said game. It always amazes me how they can reference an obscure game like that, but don't know who Samus Aran is, even though she's the main character of _Metroid_ , the same game Mother Brain is from. Oh, I should mention that Kevin and Simon's vehicle has no roof, even though I'm pretty sure the ship in the actual game does. This thing is basically a spaceship convertible. Because that's not dangerous or stupid at all. I'm sure there's plenty of air in the vacuum of space for you to breath. In fact, you can clearly see Simon and Kevin's hair being blown back by a nice breeze. Eggplant Wizard begins shooting corn at them. Eggplant Wizard can only do one thing, and he will use vegetable-based magic in every situation, even if it means using corn as ordinance in an outer space dogfight. Kevin and Simon, now loaded down with corn, fly around to the back of the goon's ship, and throw the corn into the ship's engines. A minute later the cockpit is filled with popcorn and the ship flies out of control.

Later, at the palace, the group has hauled Game Boy out of the ship and are examining him. Kevin is surprised to learn that he's a computer. He then puts the batteries in his back and Game Boy comes to life. We immediately move into a montage of Game Boy failing to adjust to life in the palace. First, he trashes the room Lana made for him, filled with toys designed for a small child, then he flies into a warp to acquire a tiny fighter jet to shoot down Kid Icarus, then he plugs a bunch of kitchen appliances into himself, causing them to go into overdrive and cover Simon, Kevin and Mega Man in crap. Tired of putting up with him, they chase Game Boy into a warp that leads to _[Burger Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcPXTwXKkSE)._ Oddly, all three of them are suddenly wearing costumes appropriate to the game. Kevin's a sausage, Simon's a fired egg, and Mega Man's a pickle. This is the only time in the series where going into a game world changes your wardrobe. While dressed as a chef, Game Boy douses Kevin with pepper and Kevin finds his zapper now shoots ketchup. Simon gets a bucket of mustard dumped on his head, and he and Mega Man shortly find themselves part of a burger.

Finally deciding that they've had enough of Game Boy, Kevin decides to pull out his batteries. Lana laments that her father seems to have screwed up and everyone leaves Game Boy alone with Duke, who seems upset that they just turned off Game Boy, who turns on again just long enough to admit he screwed up. Frankly, I say leave him that way. I've seen the rest of the episodes and Game Boy is not worth the trouble.

Meanwhile, in Mother Brain's lair, Doctor Wily appears on the scene, declaring Game Boy to be the most sophisticated computer in all of Videoland. Er, doc? How exactly did you come to that conclusion? You've never had the chance to examine Game Boy. And what are you holding? Are those-? Those are Game Boy's blueprints! Where did you get those? Did- did you pull them out of your butt? Wily wants to reprogram Game Boy to be evil. Momma B agrees and sends her two lackeys to get Game Boy. Wily gives them the blueprints, because how can you steal something without first possessing the blueprints for it? The pair are chased out of the room via a warp that takes them exactly where Game Boy is. So there is a warp that leads from Mother Brain's inner sanctum, into the heart of the Palace of Power. How did this conflict last seven years if either side could walk into the other side's HQ at any point? Eggplant Wizard scares off Duke with a dandelion. Emphasis on the lion. The two grab Game Boy and leave, though King Hippo drops the blueprints as they do so.

Some time later, Kevin arrives to find Game Boy missing and his blueprints on the floor. Lana takes a look at the blueprints and recognizes Wily's handiwork. Somehow. They conclude that Mother Brain has Game Boy. Simon is glad Game Boy is no longer their problem and asks what they're having for lunch. Then he admires himself in his hand mirror. The others decide they have to rescue Game Boy because... Actually, they don't give a reason. They just say they have to, so they leave through a warp, but not, apparently, the one that leads directly to Mother Brain's chamber.

Back at Mother Brain's place, Wily has finished reprogramming Game Boy and plugging a bunch of wires into him to make him look, well, he looks really buff. At least as buff as a Game Boy can. She also dubs him “Game Brain.” They see Kevin and the others walking the corridors of Metroid, and Momma B shows up via hologram to gloat at them. A hologram of Game Boy then shows up, causing Lana to ask what happened to him. The hologram Game Boy then sends a flock of reo out of his screen to attack them. How a hologram creates real reo is beyond me. Kevin shoots a bunch of reo with his zapper and the two holograms leave. I should point out that anytime anything dies in this show they all have the same animation where the enemy turns into a bunch of pixels that collapse in on themselves. A stray reo attacks, but Simon whips it as he makes his entrance. Kevin suggests they split up, always a good idea, and gives Lana his zapper.

We then segway into another montage. This time the song is titled “Freak,” which is really “Monster Mash” with the lyrics completely changed. During the song we're treated to a bunch of action scenes featuring the N Team moving through Metroid and fighting off a bunch of enemies. I think most of them are supposed to be from _Metroid_ , though I can't say with 100% certainty. Also, I think [this is Kraid](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Captain_N_Kraid_5174.jpg) and [this is Ridley](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Captain_N_Ridley_8639.jpg), the two bosses from the original _Metroid_ , but, as this is _Captain N_ , they look nothing like the actual [Kraid](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/metroid/images/e/ee/Metroid_Boss_Kraid.gif/revision/latest?cb=20090411073550) and [Ridley](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/metroid/images/d/df/Metroid_Boss_Ridley.gif/revision/latest?cb=20090411083328). This Kraid shows up several times in Season 1, but this is the only time you ever see Ridley. The montage ends with Kevin getting overwhelmed by a bunch of slimy tentacle monsters while Duke runs off.

Mother Brain is busy declaring herself the victor when Duke bursts in and rips some cables out of Game Boy. As soon as he does, all the monsters the others were fighting immediately disappear. Mother Brain starts screaming and Eggplant and Hippo begin chasing Duke in circles around the room. During the chase Hippo manages to smash his head through a wall, while Eggplant Wizard accidentally captures Wily in a net made of string beans. Just then, the whole place starts shaking, as whatever Duke did seems to have caused their systems to overload. Wily and the two fools then run off.

Game Boy then explodes. Yay! But when the smoke clears he's perfectly fine and back to normal. He then wraps up Mother Brain with one of the cords and yanks on it, causing Mother Brain to spin around uncontrollably. The rest of the N Team appears just in time to see her spin past them. So now that you've infiltrated Mother Brain's HQ and beaten her, do you guys want to capture her and maybe end the war? No? No. Kevin just makes a pun about things being wrapped up and then we're back in the Palace of Power. Great. The group formally recognizes Game Boy as a member of the N Team, and even gives him a baseball cap that we will never see again. Even more shocking, Simon gives Game Boy his hand mirror! Naturally he has it back by the next episode. I mean, could you imagine what Simon Belmont would be like without a hand mirror? That's almost as outrageous as taking away his jacket, goggles and backpack and making him look like a vampire hunter.

**Reptiles in the Rose Garden**

We start off this episode at at Kastle Koopa, where Kootie Pie is throwing a tantrum. We see a bunch of items thrown out a window. Inside, Kootie Pie is with her dad, standing next to a birthday cake, which Kootie Pie promptly kicks out the window. It seems none of the presents meet her approval. So what does she want for her birthday? America. Yeah, Koopa doesn't believe it either. But after more screaming of “I want it!” he caves in. Kootie Pie's turning sweet sixteen after all.

Over with Mario and company, Toadstool states that it's nice not to have to deal with Koopas for a while. Oh no. You never say that. From this point on everything that happens is officially your fault Toadstool. Suddenly, the Doomship appears in the sky, with Mario helpfully pointing it out for everyone. They then get shot at and a group of chain chomps are dropped, each one grabbing on to one person's legs. Kootie Pie then leans over the railing to gloat. She's going to be Empress of America, and she wants Toadstool to feel inadequate. Koopa then orders the group to be thrown in his dungeon.

Shortly afterwards, in America! the Doomship enters through a warp pipe stuck in a cloud over the White House. I don't think our clouds have warp pipes in them guys. By looking through a spyglass, Koopa can see the president inside on the red phone, rocking back and forth in his chair. Using some fancy device mounted on a tripod, the White House is sent spinning into the sky and back to Kastle Koopa. Koopa then grabs a megaphone and shouts, “Attention America! Your new ruler, Empress Kootie Pie, has called her first press conference.” Okay America, you're not going to just role over and take this are you? Well apparently they are, because we immediately cut to Kootie Pie reading out her new laws to the press. Okay, it's official. America is the easiest country to take over in the history of ever. So what are the new laws? Let's see: All kids have to give Kootie Pie their toys. Any handsome boy that doesn't ask her out on a date is turned into a rock. Koopa then turns a bunch of boys to stone for breaking the new law. All the gold in Fort Knox will be melted down to make Kootie Pie a lifetime supply of charm bracelets. We then see the gold being melted down to make loops of gold chains with skulls and stuff hanging off it. Koopa's darn proud of his daughter for being so rotten.

Back in Kastle Koopa, Mario looks out his cell window and recognizes the President of the United States. Who's still on the phone and rocking back and forth in his chair. Apparently being transported to another dimension isn't enough to disconnect the President’s special red phone. Unfortunately, our heroes are triple guarded, so they can't do anything. Toadstool however gets the boomerang brothers and the fire brothers guarding them to fight each other with the old, ”that guy called you a wuss” trick. The gang hold up the block their chain chomps are chained to, so the chains get destroyed in the crossfire. They then jump across the room, past the fireballs and boomerangs, and into a warp pipe that takes them right outside the White House. Okay, why would you throw prisoners into a room with a warp pipe in it? It's sad when your dungeon is outdone by a birdcage.

Outside the castle, the Doomship appears and, still using the megaphone, Koopa tells the rest of the family that Kootie Pie's finally found a birthday gift that makes her happy. Bigmouth sums it up best. “Give that brat a country and she finally stops nagging!” To keep the President out of the picture, Koopa uses his gizmo to put the White House at the bottom of a nearby ocean. An elderly lady inside informs us that the president can't swim. Apparently he can't hang up the phone either, cuz he's still on it. Up on the surface, Mario opens a conveniently placed chest to find a frog suit. Toadstool shouts that “if the White House hits bottom America is sunk!” This despite the fact that the White House is already at the bottom of the ocean.

Mario puts on the frog suit, jumps into the water and starts swimming as we get another montage, this time set to “Do the Frog.” This tune is sorely lacking. While it plays, Mario out-swims a school of bloopers and a jelectro.

With that sequence behind us, Mario enters through the front door of the White House. The old lady from earlier asks if he's with the secret service. “Even better,” Mario says, he's a plumber. He then proceeds to break the laws of physics by having water flow up into a giant faucet, then a pair of pipes appear on the side of the White house, which spray water downwards, thus propelling the White House to the surface. The whole time the president can be seen rocking in his chair, still on the phone.

With the White House no longer underwater, the group has a new problem. Luigi points out that Koopa is loading the Doomship with supplies, as they're about to invade Paris, London and Brooklyn. Don't ask how Luigi knows this. He just does. Mario and Luigi sneak aboard dressed as hammer brothers. As a kid, I was never sure if this counted as having the hammer brothers suit power-up or not. However, one of the sledge brothers immediately recognizes the pair. Things aren't looking good until Luigi commandeers a cannon. Mario takes control of the ship, picks up the White House with that gizmo, and tries to put it back where it belongs. Unfortunately there's a slight hiccup and the White House is now perched atop the Washington Monument. The old lady from earlier says her husband can't run the country under these conditions. Huh. So she was the First Lady this whole time. Mario tries again and puts the White House back, by dropping it right on Kootie Pie's head. While that problem has been fixed, a bunch of kids are still stone, and all the gold in Fort Knox has been melted down into charm bracelets, so this isn't a total victory.

Kootie Pie throws a tantrum, not because of the aforementioned building dropped on her, but because she's not Empress of America anymore. She drops to the ground and starts pounding with her fists while Mario uses that funny gizmo to carry her back home. Mario then smashes the Doomship right into Kastle Koopa. Koopa's mad that his Doomship is wrecked, and Kootie Pie, still upset, claims it's all her dad's fault. Koopa's finally had enough and begins to yell at Kootie Pie. “Clean your room! Turn down the stereo! Get off the telephone!” Yeah, you might want to save that last one for the president.

\----

This initial episode starts the show off on the right foot. Both Mario episodes are fun and give us a good taste of what's to come. We get to see all seven Koopa Kids on screen at the same time, a feat rarely repeated in the show. Sadly, Prince Hugo is the only character from Giant Land we'll ever see, which is a shame because the giant world was always one of my favourite parts of the game. Game Boy's introduction is done alright, I suppose. It's not especially bad as far as _Captain N_ goes, though I'd still like to know just where exactly Game Boy came from. The second Mario episode acted as a good introduction to Kootie Pie, who's personality dominates every scene she's in. All in all, one of the better episodes we'll see.


	3. Jungle Politics

**Princess Toadstool for President**

oad's got some bad news for the Princess and the Mario Brothers. Koopa's brought a pack of para-goombas to the Mushroom Kingdom! Oh no! Goombas with wings! That makes them slightly more dangerous than regular goombas. Which aren't dangerous at all. We then see Koopa and Cheatsy pulling along a cage full of para-goombas. According to Koopa these are giant para-goombas. From Giant Land I guess? They don't look that big. Koopa's hoping they'll eat all the crops in the Mushroom Kingdom. Soon the para-goombas are chewing the scenery. Literally. They're eating the background. The Mario Brothers arrive and Koopa throws the cage at them, which they jump over. The brothers take out a pair of para-goombas by jumping on them twice and another pair by jumping on them once and having them blink out of existence for a second due to bad animation. The last two fly back into their cage, obviously not wanting to be squashed. Toadstool's had enough of this crap and challenges Koopa. Seems there's an election coming up and she wants Koopa to enter so she can beat him. ... Wait, I think I must have misheard her. Did she just say election? But, she's a princess. You don't get to elect your monarchs, that's what makes them monarchs. Moreover, Koopa isn't even a citizen of the Mushroom Kingdom, so he shouldn't be able to vote, much less run for office. Koopa decides that he can take Toadstool in an election and agrees to run. Later at Kastle Koopa, the big guy is starting to have doubts about his ability to win the election. “I'm not as well liked as Princess Toadstool.” Really? You don't say. Cheatsy suggests his dad try being nice, but Koopa declares that he's allergic to nice. On cue, Kooky rushes in. He quickly sprays his dad with a mist that turns his face blue. A second later his face turns back to normal and he kisses Kooky, calling him an angel. Kooky explains he invented a nice-guy potion™ to help fix the election. This is the first time I've ever heard of performance enhancing drugs being used for politics. Next we see Toadstool at what appears to be a debate. However, her opponent is nowhere to be seen. Just then, Koopa arrives with all of his kids playing instruments in a marching band. Oh, and he's tossing gold coins to the electorate. The Mario Brothers find this to be strange. Sadly, we never get to see the debate. I'd actually like to see what kinds of issues are at the forefront of Mushroom Kingdom politics. Later, Koopa is throwing gifts from his airship, including “free false teeth for your grandmothers.” Apparently he plans to win this election by bribing everyone. The mushroom people are eating it up too. Later at Toad's house- Sorry, I mean “Princess Toadstool Campaign Headquarters,” apparently, Toadstool decides to give a speech at the Mushroom Kingdom Founders Day Picnic. I should also mention Toad is wearing a t-shirt with Koopa's face on it. Kooky and Cheatsy listen in and decide to help their dad by running a dirty campaign. Apparently bribes aren't considered dirty politics in the Mushroom Kingdom. At the picnic, Toadstool gives a one sentence speech reminding the mushroom people that Koopa has been really rotten to them in the past. Then she sets off some fireworks. Cheatsy and Kooky are nearby and launch one firework at a hill of blocks, causing it to collapse on Toadstool. She jumps off a cliff to escape, while Cheatsy says that now their dad is going to win, “In a landslide.” Mario thinks the princess is dead and laments that she's been killed by a mudslinging campaign. No Mario, that was an assassination attempt. However, it turns out Toadstool's fine, as she leapt into a warp pipe at the last second. All of this is too much for Luigi and he faints dead away. On the campaign trail, Koopa declares that he hates little mushroom brats. Seems the potion is wearing off. Kooky and Cheatsy rush off back to Kastle Koopa to get more. However, the Mario Brothers have been watching the entire conversation and plan to stop Koopa from getting his potion. The pair begin their trek through Dark Land, but run into a pair of tanks, so they hop down a warp pipe. Underground, we are treated to a rendition of “Great Balls of Fire,” as the brothers make their way over lava pits and outsmart fire chomps, hot feet, and fire snakes. In later airings of this episode “Great Balls of Fire” was taken out, replaced with an instrumental version of “Megamove.” You want to see the clip with the the original music? [ I've found it right here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGPlEROMX8c). At any rate, the brothers are soon in Kastle Koopa. Cheatsy and Kooky have almost finished the new batch of nice-guy potion™ for King Dad. Luigi walks in and drops a flask onto the floor, causing the Koopas to chase after him as he runs out of the room. With the Koopas gone, Mario rushes in and pours the nice-guy potion™ down the drain. Outside, the kids have lost sight of Luigi and return to the lab, only to find the potion gone. Luigi calls Koopa by his full name, making this the second time he's been referred to as Bowser Koopa. Whatever you call him, he's not happy to learn he's out of nice-guy potion™ for his campaign. We cut to Toadstool just after she finishes her speech. We don't get to hear any of it of course. Koopa doesn't want to go onstage, convinced he'll blow it, but Cheatsy and Kooky convince him he can fake his way through it. Koopa walks onstage, where there is clearly no podium, and addresses the crowd. Toadstool, again addressing him by his full name, confronts him with the accusation that he used a nice-guy potion™ during the campaign. Back onstage, Koopa, now standing in front of a podium, which is actually a mushroom, says “That's a lie! I don't need a potion to be nice! And I'll pound anyone that says otherwise into mush!” Then he smashes the podium. With the election over, Mario reads the results. Toadstool: 6,436,212. Koopa: 1. Koopa's miffed that even his own children didn't vote for him. Apparently he wasn't nice enough. And that concludes our look at Mushroom Kingdom politics. So class, what have we learned? We know that they let anyone run for office, even if they don't actually live in the Mushroom Kingdom. The election results are suspect too, because I can't see the Mushroom Kingdom having a population of six million. Then again, they let people from outside the country vote too, so maybe that would explain it. Or maybe they let the scenery vote too. Everything in the Mario games has a face: hills, clouds, even the sun. This is probably the only place you'll ever find people wondering about the sun's political leanings.

**Queen of the Apes**

Our episode begins in Kongoland, which, from the establishing shot, appears to be a jungle on a floating rock. We see a bunch of blue people dressed in stereotypical tribal gear and living in palm huts. They are literally rolling out the red carpet, because Lana just arrived. The rest of the N Team is there too. The head blue guy, Prince Plenty, says hi to Lana, and we cut to Mother Brain's chamber where she's watching everything on a video screen. She's jealous that everyone acts so nice towards Lana and asks a “mirror,” which looks like another screen, for advice. Mother Brain gets told that she's ugly. In other news water is wet and Simon thinks he's handsome. Momma B is upset that she doesn't have a body and begins yelling at Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, before physically assaulting them with her tentacles. Fortunately, Wily walks in with a “brain swapper.” It's basically a helmet with suction cups on the end of long yellow wires. He demonstrates how it works by switching the two goons' brains. They argue with each other as per usual, with Eggplant Wizard discovering an echo inside Hippo's skull. With the brain swapper ready, Wily begins looking for a body that matches Momma B's tastes. After listing everything she wants, Wily concludes that Lana's body is just what the doctor ordered.

Back in Kongoland, the N Team is watching a group of apes perform. Apes with hair that looks straight out of _Dragon Ball Z_. Suddenly, the primates run off and the blue people start yelling. Seems old Donkey Kong is coming. Prince Plenty isn't worried though and shows off a conveyor belt that carries tons of bananas and other fruit over the city wall where DK can munch on it. How they manage to donate that much food on a regular basis and not starve to death is a question that will forever plague conservationists. As a reminder: the Captain N Donkey Kong is the size of King Kong. And in this episode he wears a bib with a banana on it. Unfortunately, one of the apes from earlier grabs a banana from the belt and as he jumps down he gently nudges a lever. This of course causes the conveyor belt to go out of control and start pelting DK with assorted fruit. In retaliation, he starts tearing down the wall. As the N Team springs into action to keep the wall from falling down, we get to hear “Having a Ball,” a song quite reminiscent of “Rock this Town.” During the chaos, DK grabs Game Boy and walks off. As the N Team chases after the big gorilla, Simon, brain trust that he is, picks up Donkey Kong's trail by falling into one of his footprints.

Off in a river, Mother Brain is riding a speedboat with Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo riding behind on a pair of skis. They seem to have had their brains switched back by this point. Suddenly DK grabs Mother Brain, who has the brain swapper on her head, er, the top of her jar, thing. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo crash and get flung to the top of a palm tree. DK gets too close and activates the brain swapper somehow. Soon one suction cup is on his nose and another is on Game Boy. The N team arrives just in time to see King Hippo throw a coconut at Donkey Kong. The coconut lands on the top of the helmet and hits the activation plunger. After a shower of electricity, Game Boy begins grunting like an ape and runs off, while Mother Brain's brain seems to have been replaced by a circuit board. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, realizing that Mother Brain is now in Donkey Kong's body, decide to run for it. Mother Brain tosses her old body over her shoulder and angrily chases after the pair. Once she catches them however, she admits that she rather enjoys being a giant gorilla, as now it will be that much easier to conquer Videoland.

A short while later, the N Team is riding along a river on a series of very small islands with a palm tree in the center, apparently used for steering. Also, the river they're on is floating in the sky. They divvy up tasks. Lana is going to stop Mother Brain from going anywhere, Mega Man and Kid Icarus are going to find Game Boy, and Simon and Kevin volunteer to track down Donkey Kong. Lana soon arrives at the blue people village, where she is informed Donkey Kong is now speaking and demanding all the village's worldly goods. Lana dubs the new brain/body combo Mother Kong. Eh, good enough I suppose. Mother Kong is sitting next to a mountain of treasure. Mostly gold coins, but it also contains some precious stones and- is that a grand piano? This village continues to baffle me. Lana rides her island right off the edge of the river and into Mother Kong's hands, all part of her plan apparently. Lana then admits defeat and surrenders. Anything to buy time I guess. She then recommends a make-over, because clearly Mother Kong isn't winning any beauty contests.

Back on the mighty, Floating River, I guess, Kevin is pulling Simon's island along by a rope, as Simon had demonstrated an inability to steer earlier. Simon takes the time to fish, stirring up a school of what appear to be piranha. As the fish eat the islands, Kevin, Duke and Simon jump into the river. Kevin starts shooting them while Simon gets his rear chomped on. Kevin then grabs Simon and presses the B button on his controller, causing the group to swim really fast. So fast in fact, that they fall out the bottom of the river and into the jungle.

On the side of a cliff, Kid Icarus has found Game Boy. Sorry, Game Brain, I guess. No, wait, they already used that name last episode. Eh, screw it, I don't care. It seems Game Brain's tangled up in some vines, which are the only thing keeping him from falling. Mega Man using his “famous” Mega-strength, and pulls up Game Brain by the vines. At least he starts to. Unfortunately, soon the weight becomes too much for the Blue- I mean, Green Bomber, and he gets pulled over the edge of the cliff. Kid Icarus shoots an arrow at the ground, which causes a tree to grow. One tall enough to catch them without any harm.

Over on the other side of the jungle, or possibly right next to the cliff, I'm not really sure. Donkey Boy is chilling with a bunch of normal-sized primates, all of whom are wearing funny hats. Why are they wearing hats? Kevin and Simon watch from a ways off and come up with a plan. Well, Kevin wants a plan, Simon declares himself a jungle explorer and rushes in. The head gorilla throws him to the ground, but using his whip, Simon is able to beat the big ape. All the other gorillas then crowd around him, apparently because he just won himself the title of their leader. Simon runs off with Donkey Boy before a female ape can kiss him. Kevin uses the freeze ray setting that he apparently has on his zapper to stop the gorilla hoard. Not by freezing them mind you, that would be silly. No, he fires a bunch of Tetris shaped blocks at them, and they form into a big block of ice encasing the gorillas.

Back at the blue people village, Mother Kong is finished her make-over and now sports a hat made of giant fruit, a necklace with giant flowers on it and, I think that's a sports bra and skirt. On a giant gorilla. If you ever wondered what King Kong would look like in drag, now you know. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo do their best not to burst out laughing. Mother Kong then spots Kid Icarus and Mega Man pushing Game Brain up the mountain on some old railroad and/or minecart tracks. Kevin and Simon then arrive with Donkey Boy in tow and see Mother Kong holding Lana. Then a bunch of barrels start rolling down the mountain towards Game Brain. I guess we're to assume Mother Kong threw them? It's not a problem though, as Mega Man breaks them with is head. We then see Eggplant Wizard try to throw a barrel, but he falls headfirst into it and starts rolling down the mountain. Kid Icarus uses arrows to turn the barrels into bubbles, including the one Eggplant Wizard is in. Kevin and Simon arrive and start busting through more barrels. At least this episode got one thing right. Mother Kong then declares her desire to take Lana's body. Okay. Why? Isn't Donkey Kong's body more useful? Especially if you're trying to take over the world? She grabs the train tracks and gives them a jerk, sending Game Brain into the air. Mother Kong catches her old body, which still has the brain swapper device on it. Lana grabs a flower from Mother Kong's necklace and parachutes safely to the ground. Donkey Boy jumps on Mother Kong's nose and the brain swapper activates all by itself, switching everyone back to their original bodies. Donkey Kong drops Mother Brain, who lands on the train tracks and conveniently rolls out of control and gets flung into the air. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo hop in a mine cart and chase after her. Then, just in time for the episode to end, Simon's new crew of gorillas show up to carry him off.

**Never Koop a Koopa**

Mario and company are eating lotsa spaghetti outside Toad's house, when they see Koopa walking by carrying a white flag, with his kids in tow. Koopa tells them that he's calling it quits and is leaving the Mushroom Kingdom for good. As a token of good-will, he hands Toadstool the key to Kastle Koopa. Then he uses a wand to summon a warp pipe and jumps down it, with only Kootie Pie and Hop following him. That's not a plot point, the animators just got lazy and didn't bother to draw anyone else leaving. Toadstool wastes no time declaring her intent to turn Kastle Koopa into “a retirement home for elderly mushrooms.” Luigi points out that this is clearly a trap, but Toadstool says there are a lot of old, and apparently homeless, people who need a place to live. So Toadstool leaves for the castle with Mario following, confident he can protect the Princess from anything vile.

At Kastle Koopa, Toadstool unlocks the front door and a skeleton immediately falls from the sky, almost hitting her. Mario goes in first, armed with a plunger, and walks past a series of portraits showing the royal family. However, the eyes on Koopa's portrait seem to follow Mario around. This freaks Mario right the crap out. As Toadstool proclaims the portrait to be the pinnacle of ugly, a thwomp hanging above them announces his plan to squash them. Mario stops him in midair with his plunger, somehow, them moves out of the way. The thwomp chases the pair down the hall, where they run into a pair of ptooie pants. Mario uses his plunger to hit back the spiked balls they spit at him, then keeps running. Despite all this, Toadstool is still convinced the retirement home is a viable plan, stating that “at least the old folks won't get bored.” No, but they might end up dead.

While at a fork in the hallway and trying to decide which way to go, the floor opens up beneath the pair and they find themselves in Koopa's dungeon. Koopa and Cheatsy are outside the door and the gloating begins. Toadstool says she never should have trusted him. No argument here. Cheatsy is too busy listening to music on his cassette player to care what king dad is doing.. Koopa rips the headphones off Cheatsy's head and tells him to pay attention. He has a deed, or edict, or some sort of document, that Toadstool can sign to hand over the entire Mushroom Kingdom to Koopa. I question the legality of this! Toadstool's used up her stupid points for the day and declares she's not signing it. In response, Koopa pulls a lever, and the prisoners find a bunch of bob-ombs introduced into their cell.

In a boat outside the castle, Toad and Luigi are starting to get worried about the others being gone for so long. Luigi intends to sneak in through an underwater pipe, and Toad is happy to let him do it alone, so Luigi grabs the little fungus and dives in. While they are pursued by a fish, Luigi unscrews the screws on a cover to the pipe. A cover the animators forgot to draw, making it look like Luigi is unscrewing thin air, er, water.

Back in the dungeon, Koopa tells Cheatsy that the best way to do things is the most underhanded way, and we can see the cogs in the little reptile's head start to turn. Also, he's wearing his headphones again. Toad and Luigi come out a manhole in the middle of the castle and are immediately captured by a pair of sledge brothers. Super rescue there guys. Koopa has Luigi and Toad thrown in the cell and grabs Toadstool out of it. Oddly, she asks if there will be photographers at the signing of the document of dubious legality. When Koopa says yes, Toadstool agrees to sign it, so long as they sign the document in the throne room, and Koopa wears something nice for the occasion. Toadstool seems to have a plan, but I really can't say what she intends to do, or why she wants photographers present. Koopa leaves to get fancied up, leaving Cheatsy in charge. Cheatsy immediately declares he's going to outsmart dear old dad and orders the guards to move the prisoners to his room. Why? Beats the heck out of me.

Inside Cheatsy's room, we see him speaking with the princess while the rest of the crew is locked inside a dresser. Toadstool finally relents and signs the document. Cheatsy is ecstatic, and, without actually reading said document, declares that he's now in control of the Mushroom Kingdom, then runs off to tell his father that he's double crossed him. Okay, first, what exactly does that document say? Because unless it says “whoever holds this piece of paper rules the Mushroom Kingdom,” your plan makes no sense kid. Second, the first thing you're going to do is tell your dad you double-crossed him? That seems like a great way to get grounded.

Toadstool then engineers her escape, by throwing a lamp to the ground and breaking it. This causes the sledge brothers to barge in and throw their hammers at her. She dodges them and the hammers smash into the dresser, freeing the others. As the escape begins in earnest we're treated to one of the best songs this series has ever put out, “Without Getting Burned.” After dispatching the sledge brothers and a pair of fire chomps, (that seem to be missing their fire tails,) Mario begins smashing the ceiling, looking for leaves so they can transform and fly away.

In the throne room, we see a bunch of photographers on standby. All of whom are goombas, and thus lacking hands. Koopa walks in sporting a red cape, but before he can sit on his throne, Cheasty runs in and hops on it. He also grabs his dad's crown. Cheatsy hands over the document, stating that he's now ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, and his dad is no longer in charge. Okay, apparently in this universe, Dark Land is considered part of the Mushroom Kingdom, otherwise this makes no sense. The whole election deal seems slightly less stupid now as well. Though if that's the case, Koopa should legally be answerable to Toadstool. At any rate, Koopa actually bothers to read the document and holds it up for Cheatsy, and the audience, to see. Turns out Toadstool just drew a face with its tongue sticking out. I would have expected something a bit more sophisticated from her, but whatever. Then, as a final insult, Koopa looks out the window and sees all four of his prisoners flying by with raccoon powers. His response is to chase Cheasty around the throne in circles while muttering to himself.

\----

Both the Mario cartoons this episode are about Princess Toadstool being the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. She's always present, but, outside of this episode and the upcoming "Reign Storm," the fact that she is the monarch doesn't come up much. Oddly, even though “Princess Toadstool For President” was about her running for president, she still wasn't the main focus of the episode. I still have a hard time making sense of the election bit. Obviously I've put way more thought into it than the writers did. I like the idea that Koopa needs to be nice and has to take a potion in order to not be a creep. Toadstool does get more screen time in “Never Koop a Koopa” though. As with the election, that document Koopa wanted signed makes less sense the more you think about it. The _Captain N_ episode is pretty standard fair. Body swapping is nothing new for cartoons. Although I have to say one of my pet peeves is when the swapped person speaks with the voice of their original body, instead of the voice of the body they are currently in but with their original speech patterns.


	4. It's Princess Time Baby!

**Reign Storm**

Our episode begins with Toad looking out of his yard. He has a very small yard. A short distance away, Mario and Luigi are walking alongside the Princess and her doctor. They quickly establish that she's going to “The Real World” for vacation, because she's overworked. I should note that Toadstool isn't wearing her crown here. She's also very uncertain about leaving her kingdom in the hands of the brothers. As she finally hops onto a warp pipe, Toad comes running in with a bunch of beach equipment, suggesting that she go to Hawaii. The two depart while Mario declares, “How hard can it be to run a kingdom?” Yeah, way to go Mario. Everything that goes wrong from here on out? Your fault. Koopa and Kooky are watching all this from behind some bushes, and Kooky immediately comes up with a plan. He wants to build a robot double of the princess. His dad then takes credit for the idea.

Meanwhile in Hawaii, Toadstool is still worried about stuff back home, but she soon relents and joins Toad in some surfing. They wipe out right away and Toad lands in a pile of seaweed. The pile is on the beach so there's no chance of him drowning. Drat. Toadstool quickly meets a surfer dude named Cutter, who volunteers to teach her to surf. He asks if Toadstool is babysitting “the weird looking kid in the funny sun hat,” while pointing at Toad. When she replies that she isn't, the two rush off back to the sea.

Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario and Luigi are dedicating a dam. Underwater, Koopa plants a bob-omb at the base of the dam while wearing scuba gear. He also talks without moving his mouth. The bob-omb blows and the dam breaks, causing everyone to run away before they get swept up in the water. We then cut to the Mario Brothers' house as a ton of complaints are dumped off via a wheelbarrow. Also there's an angry mob. One of the complaints mentions stairs to Sky Land falling down and dropping the people trying walk on them into a garbage dump. There's also a shopping mall infested by boos. Luigi wants to call the princess back, but Mario is against it. Another look outside at the angry mob and Mario relents. He drops off a letter into a warp pipe, but doesn't notice a nipper inside that swallows the letter. When Mario leaves, the nipper runs off to report to Koopa. The king then calls Kooky on a wand, and after threatening him to hurry up, hears that the robot double of the princess is ready to go.

We then get to see a montage of Toadstool and Cutter having fun together set to “Girls Just Want To Have Fun.” Well that's what's on my VHS tape anyway. The DVD version replaced the song with an instrumental version of “Megamove.” [You can watch a version with the original lyrics here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExXkHjhQAlo).

Back home, it's time for the robot to do its stuff. The Mario Brothers buy it hook line and sinker. Even though the rivets on the robot are clearly visible. At least the skin part is the right colour and not steel grey. The robot says Toad stayed behind, and I just noticed she's wearing bolts for earrings. Speaking of terrible disguises, Kooky is going to Hawaii to make sure Toadstool doesn't come back home. His disguise is a lei. That's it. No way is he going to arouse suspicion like that, no-siree.

Now we get to see the chaos caused by Robo-Toadstool's new laws. She ordered a new road built out of quicksand, and has sent the fire department to “extinguish” all the fire flowers. All these shenanigans cause the brothers to go talk to Robo-Toadstool. When they get to her place, or a mushroom house anyway, they see her hugging Koopa and having tea. Mario addresses Koopa by his full name, bringing the count up to four. Robo-Toadstool then announces that she's turning over her kingdom to Koopa. Then she fires the Mario brothers and Koopa physically throws them out. Not sure what she fired them from, since I don't think the Mario brothers are formally employed by her. Well, unless you count “royal plumbers.”

In Hawaii, Toadstool decides to stay a few more weeks, while a little kid asks her dad why Toad has an umbrella on his head, mistaking his shroom cap for said umbrella. I will point out again, in this show it's just a hat. Then the kid points to Kooky and asks why he's sneaking through the bushes. Her dad thinks he's a rock star hiding from his fans. Well, I guess the disguise did work after all. Kind of. Toad points out Kooky to Toadstool, and the pair realize that this is a sign of bad news. Cutter is confused by the talk of Princesses and the Mushroom Kingdom. Toadstool says her goodbyes and runs off with Toad.

Back at Toadstool's castle, Robo-Toadstool is in the process of crowning Koopa the new King of the Mushroom Kingdom. We get a shot of the Koopa Kids celebrating. An animation error shows Kooky back here with his siblings. Mario finally realizes that something is wrong. Specifically, that Toadstool doesn't have a sun tan. Yeah, that's definitely the thing most out of place about her. Before Robo-Toadstool can crown Koopa king, Toad and Toadstool arrive back in town. How does she decide to get to the castle as quickly as possible? Toad opens a water main and Toadstool surfs through a stone wall into the castle and uses a harpoon gun to grab her crown, all while “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” plays again. It's going to be a while before we are able to top that moment. Once that's done, Kooky comes flying out of a warp pipe at high velocity and smashes into his robot. He's here to warn his dad that the real Toadstool is coming back. The sad thing is, if Kooky had arrived a head of the princess there's a good chance the koopas would be ruling the Mishroom Kingdom now. Koopa then grabs his kids and runs out the window while the brothers welcome Toadstool home.

**Quest for the Potion of Power**

This marks the first of four episodes of the show that feature Link and Zelda from the _Super Mario Bros. Super Show._ We begin with a shot of [ Hyrule,](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s2_qftpop_01.jpg) which appears to be a globe that's at the top of a large rock structure that blossoms like a flower. The whole thing reminds me of the [Goron's Ruby](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4MUf6T4VzPw/Sju9pWI2pyI/AAAAAAAAIPU/s70_V4qGnJM/s320/goron-ruby-papercraft.jpg) from _[Ocarina of Time](https://zelda.gamepedia.com/The_Legend_of_Zelda:_Ocarina_of_Time)._ The narrator says that Ganon has been dead for several years and peace now reigns. Then a bunch of moblins show up and scare some people. Yay for peace. Apparently there is a rumour that Ganon is going to rise again. How is he going to rise again? Maybe the episode title will give us a clue.

At the Palace of Power, Duke is chasing Game Boy in and out of a warp zone. I hope it doesn't lead anywhere dangerous. Wait, what am I saying? Yes I do! Simon is reading a magazine, (the cover of which has a picture of him kissing his reflection,) when Zelda appears on a screen asking for a hero. Simon then begins extolling his imaginary virtues and showing off, until Duke and Game Boy come in, bowling him over. Zelda's no fool though, she wants Captain N. He's the only one who's not an idiot or suffering from a speech impediment. Kevin leaves for Hyrule and Game Boy asks to come with. Kevin agrees, though oddly he tells Duke to stay home.

An establishing shot of [Hyrule Castle](https://d1u5p3l4wpay3k.cloudfront.net/zelda_gamepedia_en/3/38/North_Castle_2_\(Captain_N\).png) shows it to be made of metal and sort of futuristic looking. It's also shaped a little like a boat. I should point out that it looks absolutely nothing like [ the castle](https://d1u5p3l4wpay3k.cloudfront.net/zelda_gamepedia_en/2/25/North_Castle_\(Cold_Spells\).png) did in the _Zelda_ cartoon this is based off of. Kevin meets Link and they shake hands. The two stroke each other's egos until Zelda comes along and insists they get to work. When Link mentions Ganon, Kevin says he had been led to believe they had defeated him and Zelda confirms that this in indeed the case. Now, If you watched the _Zelda_ cartoons on the _Super Show_ , you'd know that Ganon tried to take over Hyrule in every episode. Well, except for the episode where Zelda's dad tried to build a water park. The final episode did not end with Ganon being defeated once and for all, but this episode starts with Ganon defeated. So the epic final showdown with Ganon happened off-screen, and we will never get to see it. Recently, there has been a rumour that someone is looking for a potion to bring back Ganon, and Zelda is concerned that Ganon's minions want revenge on Link. Mother Brain is of course watching all this on her magic TV. She's hoping Link and the others will find the Potion of Power so she doesn't have to rely on King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard finding it, and let's be honest, they couldn't find water in a rainstorm. Speaking of the duo, they're stuck in a swamp, lost. Big surprise there. Mother Brain shows up via some sort of projection to yell at them. She tells them to get to Rauru Town, which is an actual town in _Zelda II_.

Meanwhile, in what I am presuming is Rauru Town, Kevin and company walk down the streets. The very empty streets. There's only one person around, and when they ask her about the Potion of Power she says, “I know nothing,” and runs off. Okay, two things. First, why would a random person on the street know where the Potion of Power is? Second, that was a direct quote from _[Zelda II: The Adventure of Link](https://zelda.gamepedia.com/Zelda_II:_The_Adventure_of_Link)_. How can the staff manage an in-joke like that and still screw up something as simple as Mega Man's colour? The lady turns down an alley and screams. Kevin and company rush down the alley and see her being accosted by some moblins. Moblins were Ganon's rank and file soldiers in the _Zelda_ cartoon where [they looked like this](https://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/images/reviews/142/1128363215.jpg). Like Link and Zelda, they got a redesign for _Captain N_ and [now they look like this](https://rei.animecharactersdatabase.com/uploads/chars/9180-287307409.jpg). Way more intimidating. Apparently these moblins want to know about the Potion of Power too. Why everyone thinks this random lady knows anything is beyond me. Kevin and the others start to fight the moblins. Zelda uses a magic bow that shoots light or energy or something, while Link fights with his sword. As with _The Legend of Zelda_ cartoon this is based on, Link uses his sword to shoot lasers more often than he uses it as a sword. Link swings the sword right-handed in case you were wondering. I've always liked the fact that Link was a lefty in the games, because there are so few characters in fiction who are regularly shown to be left-handed. Nowadays Nintendo is even flip-flopping on whether Link's a lefty or not. Kevin tries to do a back-flip and ends up falling on his butt. Game Boy has to save him. In the commotion the lady's kid runs into the middle of the fray and gets grabbed by a moblin. The good guys all drop their weapons, but Kevin tosses a sheet over the moblin's head and Link fires a laser out of his sword, ending the moblin. The lady is grateful for the rescue and rewards them with a map to the ancient Desert Palace. Apparently the palace has a golden key that will allow them to get the Potion of Power. So wait, she actually did know how to find the potion? Hyrule, where the first person you randomly bump into knows all about whatever quest you're on. King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard are watching all this disguised as, peasants I guess? Hippo's wearing a beard and I think Eggplant Wizard is supposed to be a woman.

Later, the Kevin, Link, Zelda and Game Boy are walking down a ravine with large rocks flying down it as though they were caught in a big gust of wind. They're ambushed by a giant bug creature which I'm pretty sure is a giant geldarm. Kevin saves the day with his zapper after everyone else gets knocked to the ground. King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard follow behind, but they are about to get smashed by a giant rock. Eggplant Wizard turns it into a tomato and they both get splattered by it.

As our heroes prepare to enter the palace, Link sits down for a moment and Kevin says "What are we stopping for? The games just getting exciting!" This really bugs Link, who says that this isn't a game. Except that, since this is Videoland, this IS a game, a video game. Inside the palace, we watch Kevin and the others fight their way through a bunch of enemies as we listen to the song “Can You Feel the Heat?” I honestly don't know if this is a sound-alike of any song in particular. During the montage Zelda kisses Kevin on the cheek. If you've watched even one episode of the old Zelda cartoon, you'd know Link is always trying to get Zelda to kiss him, so you can see how this would tick him off.

Finally, they enter the room with the golden key inside a glass sphere along with a map. Link smashes the glass and nabs the loot. As soon as he does, a horse monster named Horsehead bursts out of the ground. Horsehead was one of the bosses in _Zelda II_ , though back then he only had two legs instead of having the lower body of a whole horse like a centaur. Link insists on fighting alone. Kevin wants to help, but Zelda assures him Link knows what he's doing. Link then gets the tar beat out of him. Horsehead is about to land a killing blow when Kevin rushes in, pushes Link out of the way, then shoots the ceiling, which causes a bunch of rocks to fall on Horsehead, killing him. It's at this point it's made clear that Link is a little annoyed by Kevin, specifically the way he steals the spotlight. The fact that Zelda keeps praising him doesn't help matters. The map points them to the location of the Potion of Power, on the Island Palace.

Some time later, we watch our intrepid heroes skulking around a graveyard, when they hear a moa. Link freaks out and starts shooting at everything. One shot almost fries King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard, who are watching from the bushes. Just as Zelda finishes chastising Link, a ton of moa appear. Moa, for the record, are floating eyeballs. The group takes a few down and run, looking for a secret passage, which Link falls right into. King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard try to follow the group, but they run off as soon as they bump into the moas. We then cut to them paddling a tiny raft as they try to get to the island. Their squabbling causes them to fall off the raft, so they have to swim.

Inside the palace, there are a lot of palaces in this episode aren't there? The group comes down an elevator, despite having just come from an underground tunnel. As Kevin tries to remember what's on the other side of a particular door, Game Boy rushes ahead and opens it, and a robotic looking knight attacks, shattering a statue in the process. Link fires a laser from his sword to close the door and re-trap the knight. Link takes out his frustration on Game Boy, and Kevin and Link start to argue. Game Boy notices a bottle of magic in the rubble of the statue and Kevin picks it up.

Finally, the group makes it to a golden door and Link uses the golden key to open it. The room is filled with statues, and as the group walks forward they fail to notice one of them move. In the center of the chamber they find a red flask, the titular Potion of Power. Before they can grab it, they're attacked by Iron Knuckle, a heavily armoured knight on a horse. The horse is also armoured. Kevin and Link keep arguing as they attack, with none of their shots doing any damage. Iron Knuckle runs into the pair and knocks them to the ground. During the fight Zelda turns around to see King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard grab the Potion of Power. Then she turns around again in a bit of recycled animation while the duo runs off. Eggplant Wizard an King Hippo gloat a bit before they run off with the potion. Before she can do anything, Iron Knuckle grabs Zelda, and Link decides to follow a suggestion Kevin made earlier, namely, the pair shoot his horse. They do, destroying the horse and freeing Zelda. Then the three of them finish off Iron Knuckle by shooting him all at the same time.

Outside the palace, our group finally chases after King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard, but as they do, the pair of villains runs across a bridge that crumbles after they cross it. Link admits he was being a bit of a douche because Kevin was acting like a wiz kid. Before doing anything else though, Kevin decides to call for backup. Game Boy then pushes one of his buttons and a warp appears over his head. What do you want to bet we never see this power used ever again?

Off in some underground place, we see Mother Brain and her cronies with a very small and pudgy Ganon. How he ended up like this anyone's guess. He looks like a baby pig/human hybrid. Eggplant Wizard hands over the Potion of Power and Ganon starts chugging it. Zelda, Link and the N Team, arrive, though strangely there is no sign of Lana. Unfortunately the group is too late to stop Ganon from drinking the potion and watch as he returns to normal. Ganon, like most the natives of Hyrule, got a makeover since the _Legend of Zelda_ cartoon. Compare his appearance [in the _Zelda_ cartoon](http://www.originalsoundversion.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Screen-Shot-2015-03-05-at-9.22.48-PM.png) to how he looks [in _Captain N_](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQvRO7gHDlsoV5XpeiLapLS8wsalRko0vx_xCArVinqJycobMqlZQ). The ground starts shaking and Link and Kevin decide to make use of the magic bottle Game Boy found. Kevin then pours it all over Link's shield. Um, guys? I think you're supposed to drink it. Trust me on this one, I've played the games. Ganon then declares that Videoland is his now. Note that he says Videoland, despite Videoland not being a thing in the _Legend of Zelda_ cartoon. Did someone find a warp zone before Ganon got offed? How did this come about? How did people react to the fact that they're part of a multiverse? And remember, people in Videoland know they're in video games. How did Link and Zelda feel when they found out that detail? Intriguing questions that this show will never answer.

Mother Brain doesn't like Ganon proclaiming he's the new evil overlord and demands he work for her. In response, Ganon blasts her with magic and knocks her over. Great plan guys. Did anyone actually bother to think what would happen after Ganon got his powers back? Ganon then grows to giant size and tries to blast Link with his magic. However the magic reflects off Link's shield, right back into Ganon. Yeah, sure. Just because I've played the games why should I know what a bottle of magic does? As Ganon enters his death throws, a twister gets summoned that carries off Mother Brain and her minions. In celebration, Zelda kisses both Link and Kevin on the cheek. Well Link should be happy, he's waited an entire series for this. Although I think he meant a kiss on the lips. Oh well, there's always next time.

**Toddler Terrors of Time Travel**

Our episode starts off with Koopa suffering from a Mario Brothers induced headache and sticking a cold bag underneath his crown. Kooky is present, and concludes that the best way to deal with the problem would be to go back in time and prevent the Mario Brothers from ever coming to the Mushroom Kingdom in the first place. All they need is a time machine. Of course, this being a kids show, time travel is apparently easy to accomplish. Toad is watching all this, disguised as a bunch of potted flowers, one of which is a disguised pericope.

We're soon shown the sight of a bunch of hammer brothers hauling cargo aboard the Doomship. Mario, Luigi and Toad hide away inside one crate and are carried aboard. For whatever reason this particular crate ends up tossed in a corner of what appears to be the Doomship's bridge. Koopa hears a grunt from the box and investigates, but the box speaks up and assures him that it was just his imagination. Kooky has finished the final touches on his time-travel gizmo, and the Doomship takes off. Koopa grabs the wheel from Kooky, stating that he's going too slow. Apparently the time-travel doohickey is tied into the ship's power, because Kooky warns against going any faster. Naturally, Koopa ignores him, and within seconds the ship is rocking back and forth, enough to cause the crate the Mario Brothers and Toad are in to smash against a wall and break open. Kooky however, is more concerned about the time-travel whatchamajigger. One light show later and everyone is sitting on the floor transformed into babies. Everyone is also wearing baby clothes, specifically diapers and bonnets. And nothing else. Oh, and the Mario Brothers both have mustaches. So, were they born with those things? I'm still not entirely sure how this happened, because the machine was apparently working fine, it just got too much gas. They also arrived on the date they were aiming for, so that part worked out okay. Whatever.

Luigi starts crying and Mario tells him not to be a baby. Luigi then points out that they _are_ babies. With no-one steering it, the Doomship soon crashes into the ground. From the wreckage it just appears to be a pile of random logs. It doesn't even look like a ship anymore. Mario and Luigi crawl out of the wreckage with Toad, and after looking up at a clock they realize they have precious little time before they're due to arrive at the house where they got sucked into the Mushroom Kingdom during a routine declogging. They conclude that they have to get there and repeat history despite their, um, “condition.” You'd think their past selves would take care of that, but no, everyone seems to think their past selves don't factor into the plot. So I guess they plan to go through the warp pipe and stop Koopa just like they did when they originally went to the Mushroom Kingdom. Although, if their past selves aren't a factor, I don't see why Koopa's past self would be threatening Toadstool. The more logic you apply to this situation the less sense it makes. And this isn't even the typical sort of problem encountered during time travel stories. No, this show has to come up with whole new ways for time travel to not make sense.

The two Koopas chase after the other group to the tune of a song called “Baby Chase.” Oddly, this is one of the songs that was replaced with an instrumental version of “Megamove” later on, which is strange, because “Baby Chase” isn't actually a real song. It's a sound-alike of “Babyface” with the lyrics changed around. Why is it okay for _Captain N_ to do a sound-alike, but not this show? [ Here's what the sequence originally sounded like](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-h0J0_zKczI). The chase starts out on foot, but soon moves to strollers and baby carriages. Just as the Koopas are about to close in on the good guys, an old granny comes by to fondle the Koopas. Then she sees their faces and runs away screaming. With that done, Koopa decides to return to the Doomship, which is in perfect working order now, and lets Kooky fix the time device and turn them back to normal. Odd that this would work out that way when Koopa is obviously much older than Kooky.

Mario and company finally make it to their destination and knock on the door. However, the lady living there doesn't believe them when they say they're plumbers, so she puts them down for a nap. Soon enough Koopa and Kooky pull up in a van, disguised as plumbers. Where did they get the van? Who knows? Oh, and they're also supposed to be “costumed” plumbers, because everyone wants their plumbers to wear lizard people outfits while they unclog your drain. The babies see the Koopas enter, from outside, on the fire escape, which they are suddenly on. They decide to move into the basement and fight plumbing with plumbing. They have some trouble with the pipes at first, but with the three of them working together they eventually manage to use a wrench to tighten, or possibly loosen, one of the pipes. Upstairs, Koopa and Kooky are shoving everything they can find down the bathtub drain in order to make the clog even worse. While Kooky runs out to get more crap the lady asks Koopa how he's doing. Koopa tells her to shut her trap. And he wonders why Toadstool doesn't like him. Kooky returns with a floor lamp and an end-table destined for the drain.

Downstairs, the babies have reversed the pressure and are causing water to flow back up every drain in the house. And also out of a ceiling light, somehow. The owner of the house tries to call for help and gets sprayed by a geyser of water coming out of the phone. Mario Brothers plumbing, so good we can defy physics! This doesn't last long however, as the Koopas soon cut the water and come downstairs. The babies crawl into an open pipe, one big enough for them to crawl into, that just happens to be in a woman's basement. Ugh. Koopa rips the first section of pipe out and plugs both ends with, giant corks? Sure. Makes as much sense as anything else. The two Koopas leave feeling victorious, but unbeknownst to them Toad managed to crawl farther up the pipe and escape their clutches. This, despite the fact that Mario was the first one into the pipe, and he still got caught. Toad manages to make his way out of a garden hose, because that makes perfect sense, and follows the Koopas back to the Doomship. It takes off and Toad jumps into the sky to catch it. He then sneaks into the control room and snatches the time I'm-past-the-point-of-caring. He brings it up to a window and “focuses it on the basement window.” He appears full grown in this shot, thought I'm not sure if that's an animation error or not. The ray works, and the brothers return to normal, shattering the pipe in the process. Mario then announces that they only have 30 seconds to unclog the drain. Um, why? No, seriously, why do you need to go through in 30 seconds? Does the warp pipe only work sometimes? The brothers easily unclog the bathtub and jump into the warp to the Mushroom Kingdom. I just realized, if the Mario's past selves were to show up, there would be nothing to unclog and they would never go to the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario and Luigi would have done the very thing Koopa was trying to accomplish!

Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, Koopa and Kooky are accosting Toadstool and Toad. Koopa holds out a piece of paper and insists Toadstool sign over her kingdom. Uh, you tried that once already, and it didn't work in your favour. I'm not entirely sure when we are exactly, until Kooky says the Mario Brothers are stuck in the past. Just then, Mario and Luigi arrive via warp pipe. So how exactly did they arrive in the present if they weren't aboard the Doomship when it went forward in time? Nevermind, we're almost done. Mario takes the hairball that was originally clogging the woman's drain and hurls it at Koopa. Apparently that's enough to make Koopa call it quits, as he and Kooky escape via warp pipe.

\----

“Quest for the Potion of Power” is quite possibly the most well-known episode of _Captain N_ and it's also one of the best put together. It actually manages to make it feel like the good guys are on a genuine quest, exploring strange lands and such. The fact that the group is so small probably helps, as everyone gets their fair share of screen time. Well, except maybe Game Boy, but I'm not complaining. Conversely, “Toddler Terrors of Time Travel” is a mess. Applying even a small amount of logic causes plot-holes you could drive the Doomship through. In comparison to the other two, “Reign Storm” is perfectly average.


	5. Relatively Square

**Dadzilla**

We start off by watching Kootie Pie admiring herself in the mirror and applying lipstick, then she hears a loud stomping noise approaching, followed by her dad calling her name. He announces that Kootie Pie will be grounded if her room isn't clean. Kootie Pie quickly scurries about, grabbing everything she can. When Koopa enters the room, we see Kootie Pie standing in front of a dresser trying her best to keep it shut. Hm. Maybe she has the Mario Brothers in there? Before she can finish saying she cleaned her room, the door explodes and junk flies everywhere. Koopa then lays down the law. “No chocolate-covered cockroach snacks, no tripping old ladies, no fun of any sort for a whole month.” As Koopa saunters off, Kootie Pie is fed up and comes to a realization. Bigmouth appears out of nowhere to ask what it is. Kootie Pie now claims that Koopa isn't her dad. Then she concludes that their real dad is a movie star. Yeah, for whatever reason she just implies Bigmouth is adopted too. Bigmouth seems stoked about this whole thing and decides to go looking for their “real dad.” So, on a whim, these two kids have just disowned their dad and decided to get a new one? Um, okay? Are you disowning your mom too? And, follow up question, who is your mom?

We cut to Mario and Toad looking for fire flowers atop a small hill, when the Doomship flies by and bowls them over. Yeah, they were flying so low they're barely off the ground. After rolling to the bottom of the hill, Mario finds a fire flower, though Toad is more concerned with where the Doomship is going. Inside, we see Bigmouth and Kootie Pie arguing at the helm. Their squabbling causes the Doomship to sheer the top off a toad house before entering a big warp pipe in the sky. That's not a metaphor, there's a warp pipe just hanging in the air that's large enough to fit the whole Doomship through. Toadstool and Luigi walk out of the house that just got destroyed. After meeting up with Mario and Toad and learning the Koopas are headed for “The Real World,” the group decides to go after them.

Soon after, we see Bigmouth and Kootie Pie standing in Hollywood, still saying their dad has to be a movie star. Because logic. The ground then starts to shake and we see a giant lizard monster walking down the street. The two kids immediately conclude that he must be their real dad. I don't know what these kids are even thinking anymore. We hear “cut!” and see a film crew wrapping up shooting while the director turns off the big lizard with a remote. Bigmouth and Kootie Pie don't like this and use their magic wands to turn him back on. The lizard-robot guy blows the director away and has a talk with Bigmouth and Kootie Pie. They insist that he put them up for adoption and the lizard guy, being only a few seconds old, doesn't argue. Bigmouth first asks for a convertible, so lizard dude pulls a pink car off the highway, rips off the roof, and lets the occupants fall out and get stuck on highway signage. Kootie Pie says it isn't big enough, so lizard dude turns it into a stretch limo by, well, stretching it. Next up, the kids want to be movie stars, and the big guy feels he has to comply, you know, so his kids will like him.

Meanwhile, Mario and company arrive through a warp pipe leading into an open waterway. They quickly find the big green guy pulling the stretch limo along. Luigi recognizes him as Madzilla, a monster from all those late night movies they used to watch. Really? Madzilla? That's the best name you could come up with guys? Kootie Pie sees the group approaching and tells Madzilla that they've done some bad things to them in the past. Well, that is true, but it was never anything you creeps didn't deserve. Mario echoes that sentiment when Madzilla picks him up. Mario uses the fire flower from earlier to shoot enough fire at the big guy to get free. As Mario keeps firing away, Kootie Pie shoots him with her wand, and just like that Mario's fire power is gone. Mario and the others run into a building of some sort, while Madzilla picks up a nearby parking garage and throws it on top of the building.

With Mario and company out of the way, the kids and Madzilla begin doing whatever they want. First up is a stop at the Hollywood Walk of Fame where the kids put their prints in wet cement. Madzilla tries the same thing but somehow manages to slip on the wet cement. Realistic physics? In a Mario cartoon? Nope, not today guys.

Inside the old building, Luigi exposits how things are bad, while Mario walks over with a giant lizard head covering everything but his legs. Mario points out that the building was chock-filled with parts from old movie monsters. He wants to use these parts to build his own giant monster. He points to one head in particular, which Luigi recognizes from the film “Revenge of Madzilla's Mom.” Even though it's a little far fetched, I like this plan.

Outside, Madzilla wants to take a nap, but the kids want to do a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. So Madzilla picks up the Hollywood Bowl and brings it to the kids. Kootie Pie and Bigmouth then start singing “Walk of Fame,” while everyone within earshot covers their ears or starts throwing trash at them. A couple guys use a palm tree as a catapult, then throw the palm tree at them. By the end, the two Koopa Kids are sitting atop a veritable mountain of junk.

Back at the monster parts building, the walls and ceiling explode as an unholy amalgamation of monster parts rises up. Among other things, it has bat wings and a lobster claw for an arm, topped off with a lizard head with blonde hair.

At the concert, the kids are still buried under garbage and Madzilla decides to throw a group of people into the ocean for throwing things at his kids. He's interrupted by Mario in his giant robot, who immediately insists that she's his mother, and orders him to put the people down, which he does. As soon as Bigmouth and Kootie Pie speak up, she pulls rank on them and tells them it's nap time. With the threat of mandatory naps and chores, as well as psychical violence, the Koopas decide that maybe they had it pretty good with Koopa after all and run off.

Some time later, Mario and company have explained to Madzilla that he used to be a robot, but now he isn't. The tell him that they plan to relocate him to Giant Land and he says he'll be fine so long as no long-lost Koopa Kids come visiting.

**The Trouble With Tetris**

We begin watching Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, watching the N Team fly through space in that vehicle from Solar Striker that we saw back in "Game Boy." Someone must really have liked that game. The N Team is flying through a bunch of meteors, and King Hippo whacks Eggplant Wizard for chewing too loud. Oh, I should have mentioned, they've got snacks. Hippo has a six pack of soda that he downs all at once, and Eggplant Wizard is eating a bucket of vegetables. So does that make him a cannibal? Mother Brain arrives, yells at her henchmen, then begins cheering for the meteors. After successfully passing through the meteors, Kevin loses control of the ship and says that a powerful force is pulling them somewhere. They then get pulled to a planet made out of Tetris blocks. Lana refers to it as a video world, which leads me to believe the writers don't know the difference between a planet and an alternate dimension. Mother Brain claims she can feel the magnetic power just by watching the TV, saying it makes her brain tingle. Then something messes with the TV reception. Whatever's going on, Mother Brain is interested, so she tells Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo to go to the world and find the source of this power.

On the Tetris world, we see the N Team crash in the middle of an empty plaza. Then we see another shot from the same angle and we see that the plaza is filled with people. The people by the way are all very angular looking. The mayor of the world comes forward, announces himself as Mayor Squaresly, and tells the N Team they're on a place called Tetris. He then takes a close look at Simon and declares them all round-faces. Does that count as a racial slur? Squaresly says they haven't seen any round-faces for a hundred years, except this one guy from a little while back. As soon as he learns Lana is princess of Videoland he rolls out the red carpet (literally) and declares today a holiday. While examining their calendar we see that yesterday was St Cubik's Day and tomorrow is All-Square's Day, but today is open. I'm not sure if they did this for the sake of bad puns, to show that these people are sort of hedonistic, or to show that this is a peaceful land free of war, which Lana will explain in a second. The princess hands out exposition, saying that her dad told her stories about this world when she was little. She goes on to say that Tetris is so far from the Palace that it never joined in during the fighting against Mother Brain. Squaresly doesn't even know who Mother Brain is. As they get into a car and leave, Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo arrive and hide in a tree, a tree who's branches form a perfect cube shape.

This episode is obviously based on the ever-popular _[Tetris](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetris)_ game, though when you get down to it, it's really just a planet where everything is square shaped. It's not like _Tetris_ has a plot. We will get to see Tetris bricks flying through the air later though.

As they ride down the street, Simon begins to get car sick. I can't really fault him for that though, as the car they are riding in has square wheels. Mega Man points out a very tall building and Squarsely says it houses the Sacred Square, which, according to legend, built the whole world of Tetris. Kevin immediately concludes that the square was the reason they crashed. Great, mystery solved. Can we go home now? Lana asks to see it but Squaresly says no. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo burst out of a metal door that's just lying in the middle of the street for some reason, having overheard all Squaresly's exposition. Then they get run over by a street sweeper.

We now focus on the other part of the episode's plot, as we see inside the Sacred Square building. We see a regular looking human, (round-face? Seriously, is that a racial slur?) bouncing a ball against a wall in boredom. His boss arrives to tell him his shift is over, and the guy falls over as a result. We learn the guy's name is [Lyle](http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/nintenshows/images/d/d4/Snapshot20120403150448.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120403130703), as his boss chews him out for playing stupid games. Dude, he had guard duty and nothing had happened his entire shift. Playing with a ball to pass the time is not childish. Heck, [ House](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xvv4JB3rXsAl) bounces a ball against a wall all the time and he isn't... Okay, he IS childish, but he's also a genius, so lay off. Lyle walks over to a big door and uses a key he has chained to his belt to open the door, revealing a bright light inside. I guess he was just showing that the key opened the door for our benefit. The door then closes and Lyle then walks right into it. Thing is, the door was already closed for so long that Lyle had to have walked into it on purpose. If you haven't guessed by now, Lyle here is a massive klutz. He then opens the door again and walks through it.

Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are scoping out the Sacred Square building in disguise as “Z-blocks.” Eggy's is lying horizontally and Hippo's is in the vertical position. The N Team arrives at a place called Cubies and they all go in, except for Game Boy, who wanders off. Meanwhile, Lyle gets off a bus and gets his shirt caught in the door as it closes. Lyle pulls his shirt free and smashes into a guy carrying a bucket of, I'm not sure. It's white and seems to consist mostly of bubbles. Maybe it's soap? Whatever it is, it lands on Lyle's head, and he wanders onto a [ scissor-lift ](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/62/Hebebuehne_Scissorlift.jpg/320px-Hebebuehne_Scissorlift.jpg) and winds up several stories off the ground. Then he walks right off the ledge and Game Boy has to fly in to save him. You know you're pathetic when Game Boy is the one saving you. Game Boy mentions he came with “round people” and Lyle insists on meeting them.

Inside Cubies, as we watch the patrons dance, we get to hear a song called “Get a Little Bit Crazy.” Not sure if this is a sound-alike of anything. After the N Team is seated, a band called the Blockheads comes onstage, then the music stops. Yes, the music stops when the band comes onstage. Then the band plays a different song, “Block Party,” which is a sound-alike of “Rock Around the Clock Tonight.” Sadly, we don't get to hear a rendition of “Hip to be Square,” because that would be too on the nose. As the band plays, we hear the crowd start to go wild. Oh, my mistake. One person in the crowd cheers like crazy, screams really, and because she's the only one screaming it sounds like she's lost her mind. A female patron grabs Simon and starts to dance with her while Kevin and Lana also start to dance. Well, I'm calling it dancing. I don't think either of them know the meaning of the word. Lyle and Game Boy enter and Lyle spots Lana. He recognizes her and, not wanting to be seen, immediately turns around to leave. Before he can, another girl grabs Lyle and starts dancing with him. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are there too and they want Lyle's key. They're both wearing suits, but Hippo doesn't want to be seen dancing with another dude, so he ties a tablecloth around Eggplant Wizard, then grabs some spaghetti from a waiter and slams it on Eggplant's head to produce a makeshift wig. They dance over and grab the key, but in the process Eggplant Wizard sheds a bunch of fruit. Lyle steps on one and smashes into the duo, causing the key to go flying. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo crash into a table and cause another unidentified white substance to hit Lyle in the face. This causes him to blindly stumble into Lana and Kevin, which causes Kevin's zapper to come loose and somehow shoot the ceiling. Lana then gets a good look at Lyle and recognizes him. Lyle tries to get away but slips and falls. Lana confirms that yes, that is indeed her big brother. Yeah, you heard right, Lyle is Lana's big brother. Simon can't believe the two are related and Lana mentions she hasn't seen Lyle in two years. She says that both her and her father have been worried sick about him. Lyle implies that he left so he could live how he wanted, suggesting he doesn't care to rule Videoland. When he asks about his dad, Lana says that he's missing thanks to Mother Brain.

Okay, this is a continuity mess, and not because this is the first time we've ever heard of Lana's big brother. We're going to take a quick look at the first episode, back in Season 1. The very first line in the entire series, spoken by the narrator is: “For seven years Mother Brain's minions laid siege on the Palace of Power.” That means that Lyle abandoned his family during a war. Not sure why I'm surprised by any of this. _Captain N_ isn't exactly a cavalcade of competency.

Moving on. Lyle retrieves his key and generally feels sorry for himself, saying that he's not much of a prince. This leads us into our montage for the episode as Lyle is trained to do “prince” stuff. Kind of. The song we hear is “Now You're a Man,” a sound-alike of “Walk Like a Man,” and I have to say I think I actually prefer this version to the original. The montage focuses on Lyle learning to sword-fight, joust and finally try on a bunch of outfits until he finds something that royalty would wear.

Later, at his house, Lyle locks his key up in a small safe he has in his room. He leaves before he can see Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo enter through the window and try to blow the safe with a tomato bomb. Unfortunately the bomb is a dud, so Eggplant Wizard decides to eat it, and it promptly explodes in his mouth. In the next room Lyle decides that he now wants to be ruler of Videoland. Why? The guy was next in line for the throne and then he ran away from his responsibilities. Now he is doing a complete 180 and decides that he actually does want to be king after having spent years avoiding that exact thing. Does he think that after being in that montage he's now qualified? Does that mean he always wanted to be king, but never thought he'd be any good at it so he ran away? My point is, Lyle's motivation here makes no sense.

When Lana thinks Lyle is out of earshot, she says that she doesn't think Lyle is up to being ruler. Of course Lyle hears this and skulks back to his room. Before he arrives, King Hippo uses brute strength to punch a hole in the safe and grabs the key. Lyle tries to stop them but, well, how do you think it turns out? King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard are incompetent, but Lyle sucks even more than they do. The pair escape via celery helicopter. Never expected I'd be typing that. Back indoors, Lyle returns to sulking while the others all chase after Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. Game Boy however opts to stay behind with Lyle.

Not long after, Mother Brain rolls into the vault of the Sacred Square and pulls it free, revealing it to look like a key made of Tetris blocks. Then the world starts shaking. Lyle explains that without the square the entire world will fall apart. Then he jumps on Game Boy and flies away. The N Team arrives to see Mother Brain roll away as Tetris pieces fall from the sky. Mother Brain then realizes she can use the Sacred Square to control the Tetris blocks. She wastes no time declaring that with this power she'd be unstoppable. Nevermind that this power would be absolutely useless anywhere that isn't made entirely of Tetris blocks. So, basically everywhere except here. The chase continues as Mother Brain throws more obstacles at the N Team. She comes out of a tunnel and uses Tetris blocks to cover up the exit, leaving the N Team trapped. However, Kevin is able to pick up Duke and dive through just before the last block fits in place. Why he brought Duke I don't know, the dog almost never does anything. Just as Mother Brain is about to escape through a warp zone, Lyle flies in and drops a bucket of another unknown mushy substance on her, although this time it's black. Whatever it is it totally covers the front of her tank so she can't see anything. Kevin then arrives and knocks the Sacred Square out of Mother Brain's tentacles just as Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo roll the blind brain into the warp zone.

Later, as the N Team is preparing to leave, Mayor Squaresly wants to make another new holiday. Lyle does another 180 and decides to stay here on Tetris in case Mother Brain ever comes back. Yeah, because you'd totally be able to stop her again.

**Tag Team Trouble**

We start our episode with Toad carrying a massive bag of gold coins. How do I know it's filled with gold coins? Because he says he's delivering one million gold coins to the Mushroom Kingdom orphanage. That's ten thousand free lives! I guess Toad must be super strong, because a million gold coins would literally weight tons. I mean, _[Super Mario Bros. 2](https://www.mariowiki.com/Super_Mario_Bros._2)_ established that he was the strongest of the four characters, but that bag has got to be heavier than a turnip. Cheatsy and Koopa happen to be in the area, but when Cheatsy tries to point out the bag of coins his dad cuts him off, at one point covering his mouth so he'll keep quiet. Koopa is also carrying a piece of paper, which he throws away. Add litterbug to his list of faults. Toad arrives at his destination and rings the doorbell at the orphanage. Then he falls asleep. The old lady who runs the place answers the door and takes the money. Toad wakes up some time later and immediately concludes that since the money is gone, Koopa must have taken it. Um. Okay. That is one possibility, but don't you think it's more likely that someone who lives at the orphanage may have the cash? He probably should have checked for sure before panicking and running off. He comes across the piece of paper Koopa threw away earlier. It's for a tag team wrestling tournament. And guess how much first prize is?

Later, Toad is talking to a pair of wrestlers, trying to convince them to enter the tourney. Funny thing is these are the same two guys who are on the poster. Which actually raises questions. Why would they be on the poster if they weren't even going to compete in it until Toad asked them? In fact, when Toad shows them the poster, the pair seem to be seeing it for the first time. How does that happen? Apparently these two guys are Toad's cousins and agree to do it for the orphans. Later, at registration, Toad and company run into Koopa's entries, a pair of sledge brothers. Fortunately, Toad picked a pair of winners because they roll into the sledge brothers, knocking them on top of Koopa and Cheatsy.

Later, we go to Toadstool's castle. Why these two wrestlers are now residing in the castle is beyond me. We see the two wrestlers asleep, but they aren't alone. Cheatsy sneaks in, past all the castle guards apparently, and holds open the wrestlers eyes with tape. He then uses a watch to hypnotize them, commanding the two to sleep for two days straight. Cheatsy leaves and Toad enters. He tries his best to wake the pair, but it proves impossible. Toadstool and the Mario Brothers walk in and Toadstool can't figure out why Toad is so hung up over the match. She says feeding orphans is much more important. Wow. Way to go Toadstool. It's like you planned this. Toad starts crying, and making a funny squeaking sound as well. After Toadstool leaves, Toad takes off his shroom-cap thing and comes clean. Mario then volunteers himself and Luigi to wrestle on Toad's behalf. He mentions they used to wrestle in Brooklyn, though in exactly what capacity I'm not sure. One problem, the tournament is today. This looks like a job for a training montage. One where Mario breaks the law of gravity by hitting one block from underneath and then flying under the next one to do the same. The music for this particular montage is “Burn Baby Burn,” definitely one of the show's better tunes.

Cut to the tournament, where it's the Mario Brothers against the sledge brothers. Either no one in the Mushroom Kingdom knows the meaning of the word tournament, or no-one else entered. With the sledge brothers here, the later is a distinct possibility. Koopa likes the thought of beating the Mario Brothers and winning a million coins at the same time. Cheatsy helpfully points out that he also sabotaged the ring. Koopa asks for more cheating, so Cheatsy rings the bell before anyone's ready for it. The fight starts and Cheatsy demonstrates teleportation powers, being next to the ring in one shot, then in the stands in the next and under the ring in the shot after that. He starts off by playing with the ring ropes, giving the Mario Brothers trouble whenever they go near them. Cheatsy then says to his dad "Here comes booby trap number 1," just as a trap-door in the center of the ring opens and Luigi falls into it. Apparently rigging the ropes don't count as a booby trap?

In the stands, Toadstool is fed up with the cheating and rushes off to get help, oddly making the warp pipe sound effect as she runs through an open doorway. In the ring the sledge brothers are spraying the Mario and Luigi with an unidentifiable orange liquid. Things are looking bad for the pair from Brooklyn, but Toadstool rushes in and throws two starmen to the brothers. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's cheating, princess. Still, the Mario Brothers are able to make quick work of the sledge brothers, though oddly they stop flashing halfway through, even though the starman music keeps playing. The sledge brothers run off and tag Koopa and Cheatsy. I guess no one cares about the rules. The Mario Brothers then beat the stuffing out of the father/son duo. Toad takes the bag to the orphanage where he finds out that the orphanage had the first bag the whole time. Toad faints in disbelief.

\----

“Trouble with Tetris” introduces an older sibling for Lana. While this sounds like an interesting idea, the episode focuses much more on how Lyle is a loser than how Lana feels about her big bro. All in all I feel it's a missed opportunity. Lyle appears in the Season 3 episode “Totally Tetrisized,” but that's a cameo that lasts under a minute. The premise of “Dadzilla” is incredibly thin, but despite that it sill manages to be fun. I can't find any major flaws with the wrestling episode either, unless you count everyone's willingness to cheat at the drop of a hat.


	6. Power Drain

**Oh, Brother!**

It's a stormy day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Rain is coming down in sheets and lightning is about. Inside a Toad house, Toadstool exposits that they've had two straight weeks of rain and expresses concerns about flooding. Unfortunately, the Mario Brothers are not coping as well as the princess. Mario is listening to music on a gramophone and Luigi just wants him to be quiet so he can read. The song in question is an instrumental version of “The Double Cross,” a song whose full version we'll hear later in “Crimes R Us.” After Mario says that the record is hot, Luigi makes it even hotter by throwing it in the fireplace. With civility out the window, the siblings begin yelling at each other until Luigi pulls Mario's cap over his eyes, snaps his overalls and pulls his mustache. A fight cloud erupts and a ton of sound effects from the game get played over the brawl. The fight concludes and Mario says he wishes he never had a brother. Luigi then walks out the door and into the rain, ignoring Toadstool's suggestion to put on a frog suit. Mario then decides he has to go after Luigi and leaves, again ignoring Toadstool as she tells him to take his frog suit.

Now we get to see what Kooky and King Dad are up to. You know all the rain they've been having? Yeah, well if you look up in the sky you can see a massive array of giant shower heads that are causing this deluge. The Power Shower™ is another of Kooky's inventions. Why's he doing this? Simple. He's collecting gold coins by flushing them out of pipes and is collecting them at what would have to be some sort of pipe system convergence point. Unfortunately, the second Kooky is done explaining this, a pipe in their underground room bursts open and soaks the two of them. Koopa berates Kooky, saying that his Power Shower™ sprung a leak. Kooky says he can't fix it because he's not a plumber. Okay, so you can build a machine that spreads rain across the better part of a kingdom, but you can't perform basic maintenance on it? Koopa plots to grab one of the Mario Brothers to fix the problem.

On the surface, Mario has caught up to Luigi, but the pair aren't ready to make up yet. Luigi repeats his earlier cap over the eyes, snapping overalls, mustache pulling bit, which makes Mario even more upset. Kooky has the pair on a periscope and Koopa has to decide which brother he'll kidnap, the scientific way. So he walks over to a pair of dartboards with the brothers faces on them and does eeny, meeny, miny, moe until he comes up with Mario. Kooky then sets to work by taking a fishing rod and casting into a warp pipe. Amazingly, he catches Mario on his line and Kooky reels him in through the warp pipe.

Mario is, of course, not happy about being kidnapped, and refuses to fix the broken plumbing. Kooky however has a new toy to get around this. The Lame-Brainer™ is a big fat helmet with dodads sticking out of it, which Kooky plonks on Mario's head. A second later he's spouting “your wish is my command.” To test to see how well it's working, Kooky offers Mario some pasta, which Mario drools over. Then Kooky tells him that he hates pasta and Mario immediately turns his nose up at it. Hey Kooky, I think this brain-washing helmet is a bigger hit than your rain making plot. Maybe you wanna try using a brain-washed Mario to do more than just fix your plumbing? Defeat Luigi? Kidnap Toadstool? No? Alright.

Back on the surface, Luigi jumps down the drain that Mario was pulled through, but promptly turns around when he sees a cheep cheep. We cut to Toad's house, where Toad and Toadstool are reading. Luigi rushes in and without saying a word, runs into the closet. A minute later he emerges wearing a frog suit. I think Toadstool is just glad someone finally listened to her.

As Luigi navigates the underwater passages we get to hear “Brotherly Love.” Back in the dungeon, Mario fixes the pipes just as Luigi enters. Koopa orders Mario to crush Luigi. So Mario comes at his brother with a wrench, but Luigi is able to hop out of the way of his attacks. Luigi tries talking Mario out of it, but when that doesn't work, he once again does the snapping overalls, pulling mustache bit. Oddly, the animation does not show Luigi pulling the Lame-Brainer™ over Mario's eyes, but after a cut we see the helmet, well, over Mario's eyes. Apparently this makes the helmet pop off Mario's head somehow and land on Kooky. Mario is back to his senses and promptly orders Kooky to attack his dad. We then get a sequence of Kooky chasing his dad back and forth until they run down a hallway.

Back at Toad's house, Toadstool is congratulating Mario and Luigi for stopping the rain and returning all the gold coins back where they belong. Did they even know about the gold coin stealing scam? Did anyone for that matter? Most of the coins Koopa wound up with were just lying in underground pipes waiting to be picked up, so I don't think they even belonged to anyone. Well, coins aside, the brothers have stopped fighting. At least until it comes time to admit responsibility for who started the last fight, with both brothers volunteering to take the blame. This starts another fight, and Luigi pushes down Mario's hat, snaps his overalls and pulls his mustache one last time as the episode ends.

**Having a Ball**

We're back to Hyrule for this episode, as the opening shot once again shows us the strange rock formation Hyrule seems to be situated upon. It's night time, as you can tell by the narration and yawning guard. We also get a look at the Triforce and see that the three pieces are all floating above the throne surrounded in fields of energy. Unlike the games where they are usually depicted as a set of golden triangles, _Captain N_ has made each individual Triforce a glowing pyramid-shaped object. The Triforce of Power is red with a P on it, Wisdom is green with a W, and Courage is blue with a C. You'd think Wisdom and Courage would have their colours switched, but in the _Zelda_ cartoon that preceded _Captain N,_ the Triforce of Wisdom was green, and Power was red. They didn't have the letters on them though. Also, sometimes the Triforce of Wisdom would speak with a feminine voice and the Triforce of Power would speak with a masculine voice. But this only happened in certain episodes. It wouldn't be until _[Ocarina of Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4tHItL1xLs)_ came out that name would be given to the goddesses who created the Triforce, and match each of the pieces to the colours as we all know them today. Also, the way they're arranged on the throne, Wisdom is on top, Power is on the throne's left and Courage is on the throne's right. Again, not until _Ocarina_ did they establish which Triforce was in which position, even though the three triangles forming a larger triangle image was around as far back as _[A Link to the Past](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jWRf8x1DTY)_.

We cut to a series of tubes that seem to have warp zones coming out of various openings. I think this was designed to be the inner network of the warp zones that show up in this show. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo arrive and declare they're after the Triforce. Eggplant Wizard winds up with his head in what seems to be a polo arena and nearly gets decapitated for his trouble. After some typical henchmen squabbling the pair find a warp zone that takes them right into the throne room of Hyrule Castle. You'd think this would be considered a security breach, having a passage that leads past all the security. Eggplant Wizard asks King Hippo to ready the spell Mother Brain gave them, but Hippo can't find it and engages in a sequence of pulling various other assorted papers out of his pants. He eventually decides to just wing it, but the throne doesn't like that and sets off an alarm. In what is supposed to be a medieval style castle. Oh, wait. I forgot about the castle re-design that makes it all futurey looking. The throne starts shooting energy bolts in random directions, so Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo run back into the warp zone. Interestingly, we get a shot of a tapestry that shows the Triforce in its more well known three golden triangles form. A bunch of guards come rushing in and fall over each other as they get shot at. Zelda then walks in and shuts off the throne. Link rushes in to see what the fuss is. I should note that both of them are dressed in their pajamas. Zelda remarks that this was the third false alarm this week. Which means either there were two genuine false alarms before tonight or this is the third time Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo screwed up trying to grab the Triforce. Zelda goes back to bed, but not before kissing Link on the cheek.

Mother Brain is, of course, watching all this, and is happy that Zelda turned off the alarm. She also decides it's time to fire Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo because, well, do you even need me to list the reasons? She actually kicks them out using a giant pool cue of all things. She pulls a lever on the outside of her tank and transforms it into the other kind of tank. Also, she's now wearing aviator goggles. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo start packing their stuff, unsure of what to do now. Eggplant Wizard decides the best thing for them to do is join the N Team.

At the Palace of Power, Kevin, Lana and Simon are arriving back from a mission to Kongoland. We know this because Kevin says exactly that. Lana laments how she misses how things were before all the fighting. She then recalls a birthday party her father threw for her last year. Again, I bring out the first episode and point out that they have been at war for seven years. I'd always assumed that her dad went missing at the start of the fighting but this, coupled with what Lyle said last episode, seems to confirm that he's been gone less than a year. That also means that he threw a big party, and invited people from all over Videoland, while the Palace of Power was under siege. I suspect that the writers don't know what a siege is. Kevin then vaporizes a nearby, um, something, to get Lana's attention, and tries to remind her how much fun they have during the adventures they go on. Lana walks off with Simon as they reminisce about the balls and such that they used to attend. Lana spots a pair of figures carrying musical instruments and immediately asks them to play at the ball she's just now throwing that evening. She, of course, doesn't recognize the pair as Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, though why they're in disguise when they're here to defect is beyond me. Lana says she's inviting everyone, and Eggplant Wizard asks if that includes Zelda and Link, to which Lana answers in the affirmative. Lana tells them they start at eight, and as she leaves with Simon, Eggplant Wizard plots to snatch the Triforce during the ball when the only people left in Hyrule Castle are the guards. Although you'd only have to deal with Link and Zelda if you set off the alarm and the alarm has been turned off, so nothing has actually changed.

That night, at the Palace of Power, we see Lana's ball start up with characters such as Bayou Billy, Dr. Light, (he's called Dr. Right in this show,) and the blue people from Kongoland arriving. We then see Link and Zelda arrive in a floating chariot being pulled by a pair of white dragons. Lana and Zelda get to talking about how it seems like eons since the last time they had fun. Guys, Lana just said her dad threw her a party last year. Besides, you're still in the middle of a war here. Link and Kevin are not enjoying themselves, mostly due to the ridiculous outfits they are wearing. Lana drags Kevin onto the dance floor as the music starts and we can see Mega Man dancing with Mega Girl in the background. If you don't know who that is, she appeared in a Season 1 episode. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are also present, and in disguise, with Hippo dressed as a woman. Once they see Link and Zelda are there, they decide to split, but Simon asks Hippo to dance. He agrees to a short one.

Back at Hyrule Castle, Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo enter through the warp zone and immediately begin prying the Triforce pieces off the throne. At the same time, Mother Brain rolls up in her tank and blows down the front door. Hold on, she waited until the alarm was turned off before attacking, but she chose a plan of attack that is so loud and noisy everyone in the castle would hear her even if the alarm was turned off. Brilliant. Inside, Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo finally rip two of the Triforces free, while the third flies across the room. Hippo ends up with the Triforce of Power, while Eggplant Wizard got the Triforce of Courage. Back at the ball, Kevin is playing the guitar when Zelda doubles over in pain. No, she's not suffering from Kevin's poor guitar playing skills, she says something is wrong with the Triforce. Link explains that Zelda and the Triforce share a bond. I should point out that this bond is unique to this episode, as she never had anything like this in the _Legend of Zelda_ cartoon back in the _Super Show_ days. At Hyrule Castle, Mother Brain rolls into the throne room, but Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo aren't impressed. They taunt her for a bit before Hippo summons a giant boxing glove to punch Momma B through the ceiling. Eggplant Wizard then conjures a pickle rocket ship and the two blast off. They, of course, forget about the third Triforce, because counting to three is too much to expect from these guys.

The next morning, Kevin, Lana, Link and Zelda arrive to see the carnage from last night. Oh, and Duke is there too, I guess. Zelda actually bursts into tears at the sight of the missing Triforces. I would just like to say that I love the music in this scene. It really sells the mood. Zelda stops crying for a moment when she sees the Triforce of Wisdom just sitting there in plain sight. Zelda says they can use the Triforce of Wisdom to lead them to the other pieces, which makes sense. Then she says that the forces that bind Hyrule together are coming apart, which doesn't make sense. See, in the _Legend of Zelda_ cartoon, Zelda had the Triforce of Wisdom (which was kept in a tower, and not in the throne room) and Ganon had the Triforce of Power. The Triforce of Courage was MIA. Thing is, they were all separated for years at minimum, so there can't be any ill effects from having the three pieces separated. Zelda's bond with the Triforce could be a new development though so I'll give that a pass.

Back to Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. Their pickle runs out of gas over a desert, though Hippo refers to it as a squash. Maybe it is a squash. They do seem to come in a lot of sizes and colours and it is wider at the bottom than the top. They crash-land, and are attacked by the same giant bug that we saw briefly in “Quest for the Potion of Power,” AKA a geldarm. Geldarms haven't been seen in any _Zelda_ games since _[The Adventure of Link](https://zelda.gamepedia.com/Zelda_II:_The_Adventure_of_Link)._ This geldarm looks like a giant centipede with long, sharp claws at the end of its legs. Eggplant Wizard jumps into Hippo's arms and drops the Triforce of Courage. The geldarm sees it and immediately swears loyalty to the pair. Eggplant Wizard reminds us that with the Triforce they can command Ganon's minions. King Hippo immediately asks to be taken to some food, while Eggplant Wizard asks for some babes. And these two are in possession of two thirds of the most powerful artifact in the history of ever. Fantastic.

Meanwhile, in another part of the same desert, Zelda drops to the ground feeling unwell, though she insists they not stop. We then get an action scene when a bunch of stalfos and moblins attack the crew. Kevin shoots the moblins in midair and Link stabs one stalfos with his sword. Another stalfos is about to attack Zelda from behind but Kevin shoots it. Kevin proclaims the worst is over and the ground immediately gives way dropping them into a cave. You know whose fault this is Kevin? That's right, it's yours. Kevin and Zelda proclaim that the cave they're in is supposed to lead to Island Palace and shouldn't be in a desert. I guess this is supposed to show that Hyrule is all messed up from the Triforce pieces being apart, but this is never brought up again, so who knows? They're accosted by boomerangs thrown by a creature Link helpfully identifies as a goriya, though he may be mispronouncing it. Link holds up his shield to block the boomerangs until they get close enough for Kevin to act. He presses his D-pad, which acts like one big button here, and dashes to the side to get a clear shot at the goriya, killing it.

Next up is a montage set to “Get a Little Bit Crazy.” And by montage, I mean one scene of an Iron Knuckle trying to run down the crew on a horse, but missing and drowning in a pool of water. Our heroes come to a huge rockslide blocking their path, with a bird flying above it. Kevin hits pause, and when I say pause I of course mean select, to make the bird stop. They then tie a rope to the bird, unpause, and fly away. Right to a tower of some sort in the background.

Zelda and company arrive at the door to the tower and open it. Inside, moblins are playing instruments, Eggplant Wizard is surrounded by tomatoes dancing like Vegas showgirls, (and by dancing I mean they move one leg up and down while not moving the rest of their body,) while King Hippo is stuffing his face while a suit of armour fans him. Yeah, this is what happens when two idiots are granted absolute power. Kevin is surprised that the Triforce thieves are Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, showing that for this episode the good guys didn't read ahead in the script. As soon as Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo threaten to use the Triforces, Kevin quits and says he'll hand over the third Triforce, that way Hyrule and Zelda are safe. Eggplant reaches for the Triforce, but the moment he does Kevin kicks the Triforce of Courage out of his hand. The next moment Link rushes in and knocks the Triforce of Power out of Hippo's mitts. So, within a matter of seconds, those two morons managed to lose absolute power. The Triforces start to glow, as does Zelda, and after declaring she wants Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo out of her kingdom, a warp opens up and the two are sucked in.

Back on Metroid, we see that Mother Brain has accepted Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo back into her services. Though she's still upset at them, as evidenced by the fact that she's stuffed them into a pair of pool balls and shoots a giant cue ball at them. I'm not totally sure why she hired them back, but then again she doesn't give a reason for why she fired them in the first place. You can cite incompetence, but then why not fire them sooner? She's abusive to them all the time, but this is the only time she threw them out, and she did it on a whim, then seemed to hire them back on a whim. I assume Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo begged her to take them back. I give the pair a hard time for being idiots who screw everything up, and they are, but they're also two of my favourite characters. They're underdogs just trying their best, and there's something endearing about that. And it's not like they never succeed, just look at this episode. They steal the Triforce of all things! I just wish we had spent more time with the pair after they acquired their power. We saw them indulge some hedonistic desires, but what would they have done after that? I'd really like to have seen them be a greater threat, more fully explore what they do when they're given real power. There's a Season 1 episode called "Wishful Thinking" where King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard get their hands on a magic lamp and make Mother Brain work for them. That episode explores what the pair would do with power better than this one. Still, they could have had more to do in this episode after they get their mitts on the two pieces of the Triforce.

**Misadventure of Mighty Plumber**

We kick off this episode with the Mario brothers watching TV. Luigi is too afraid to watch what happens and covers his eyes. Mario then expresses doubts as to weather bringing a TV into the Mushroom Kingdom was such a good idea if Luigi is going to freak out. So wait, if the TV is from back home, how are you getting any reception? We see on the TV a woman being attacked by a sludge monster, which is apparently a really bad clog. She then picks up the phone and while not talking into it, asks for help from Mighty Plumber. The announcer then announces a commercial while the sludge monster gets stuck in an animation glitch as he keeps flipping between two sizes. Luigi, apparently never having seen any form of TV before in his life, asks if Mighty Plumber will save the woman.

At Kastle Koopa, we see bad ol' King Dad throwing a temper tantrum. Interestingly, the Mario Brothers dart boards from the last episode can be seen in the background. Bigmouth and Bully walk in and assume his tantrum is a new workout routine, so they join in. Koopa tells them to knock it off. It turns out the reason he's upset is because he just found a treasure map to the royal coin treasury of Pipe Land. Sounds like good news, right? Well, Koopa is savvy enough to know that the Mario Brothers would stop him if he tried to do anything with it. Hip and Hop then run (and roll) into the room in their first speaking role. They're here to show their dad what Cheatsy's been doing, namely using magic to rip objects out of the TV. He then casts a spell on a race car, which pops into the living room. Said car has no driver. So how was it being driven on the TV? Don't look at me. Hip and Hop happily jump into said car and drive around in it. Cheastsy is now watching the same channel as the Mario Brothers, just as Mighty Plumber returns from commercial break. Hold up. I thought Mario brought his TV in from the “Real World.” Where did this TV come from? And just like the Mario Brothers, Koopa is getting a TV signal from another dimension. I'd also like to point out that Koopa is almost definitely stealing cable, and that just fits into his character so well that I can't be mad. On the show, Mighty Plumber makes his appearance and ties up the sludge monster. Koopa sees this and somehow arrives at the conclusion that Mighty Plumber would be able to stop the Mario Brothers, so he zaps him out of the TV. Koopa tries to recruit Mighty Plumber, but the TV character says he has a leaky kitchen to fix. We cut back to the TV, where we see that in the five seconds he's been gone the kitchen has filled to bursting with water. Koopa tells Mighty Plumber that two evil plumbers are trying to steal a gold coin treasury and he needs to bring it to his castle for safe keeping. Mighty Plumber, for no reason at all, trusts Koopa completely and agrees to help.

Back at the Mario Brother's house, the siblings are having problems with their TV, when a piranha plant pops its head in the window and breaths a load of fire on the wall, leaving a message in the scorch marks. It's a message from Koopa telling the brothers what he's doing and daring them to stop him.

We cut to a shot of what I'm assuming is the Pipe Land Castle, because its green and shaped kind of like a warp pipe. Mighty Plumber tries to open up a pipe while Koopa imagines what he'll buy with all his new coins. He's interrupted by the Mario Brothers, but he calls over Mighty Plumber. The brothers immediately start to fangasm. Mighty Plumber comes at them with a plunger and they hide in a pipe. In response, Mighty Pumber goes after them with a plumbing snake. The brothers thread one end of the snake into another warp pipe, inside the warp pipe they're already inside. The snake then pops out another pipe, tangles Koopa, and drags him out.

The brothers are busy navigating the tunnels and are faced with two pipes to travel through. In a recurring theme this episode, they play eeny, meeny, miny, moe. They soon come upon Koopa's voice and see him in a room below them. Mario attaches a piranha plant to Luigi's bottom and lowers him down so that he's dangling above Koopa. Unfortunately Luigi's pants give out and he falls right on top of Koopa, though he manages to grab the map and run away. A scuffle ensues that ends with the brothers running away with the map. The brothers grab a pipe and start riding down a river as Mighty Plumber and Koopa follow on a grate. How a grate floats is beyond me. We then get to hear “Super Plumber” during a chase that ends with Mighty Plumber grabbing the map and escaping with Koopa.

Shortly after pulling themselves out of the water, Mario and Luigi come across wet footprints and follow them to Koopa and Mighty Plumber as they try to open the door to the vault. Mighty Plumber opens the door with a simple twist of his wrench. Great security. Koopa uses a wand to fill a sack full of coins. Can't have been that many coins if he can fit them all in one sack. Oh, never mind. In the next shot we see there's still a big pile of coins. The cash must have been boobie trapped somehow, because the room starts to fill with water from a series of pipes. Koopa then admits to being a thief, runs out the door and closes it. In an instant the water comes up to Mighty Plumber's waist, then stops. The Mario brothers are there watching from a hole in the ceiling. Mighty Plumber's feeling down about being tricked and the brothers give him a pep talk. They hop down, plug up one of the pipes, then let the pressure build up until it's enough to create a projectile that blows down the vault door.

Outside the vault, the trio of plumbers catch up to Koopa just as he jumps into a warp pipe back home. The plumbers open another pipe and spew copious amounts of water into the pipe Koopa just went into. The water makes Koopa drop the bag o' cash and sweeps him down a hole that's in his floor for some reason. Cheatsy grabs the bag, but the plumbers arrive and swipe it from him. Cheatsy runs off, but Mighty Plumber rides on top of a wave and grabs him with his snake. The brothers insist Cheatsy use his magic to put Mighty Plumber back in the TV and he does so. Mario then grabs the wand from Cheatsy and the brothers leave with the money. We then cut to the brothers happily watching their poorly written TV show.

\----

“Having a Ball” has an interesting setup. Not the part about the ball. That doesn't go anywhere. I'm talking about Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo quitting Mother Brain's employ and using the Triforces to become powerful in their own right. Unfortunately, they never get to do much with it, as the heroes confront them, then defeat them in the span of about two seconds. I never really cared much for the Mighty Plumber episode growing up. It's not terrible or anything. Not that I'd say it's especially good either. I guess I just don't like Mighty Plumber. Anyone who has a brother or sister will tell you that “Oh Brother” does a good job conveying what a fight between siblings is like. Well, if you cut out all the brain-washing anyway.


	7. Breaking All The Rules

**A Toadally Magical Adventure**

We start off in the sky, as we see a building made out of clouds with a sign reading “Ace Magic Wand Factory. A new wand made every century.” An extremely nerdy-looking mushroom citizen walks in and is handed a wand specially made for his Wizard King. All the other wands we've seen to this point look spherical at the end, but this one seems to be made of crystal and is roughly octagonal. A big ol' bearded mushroom guy puts the wand in a wood case and hands it to the nerdy dude. Nerdy guy then steps on what I guess is a trapdoor, because the floor falls out from under him. The wizard in question is watching all this through his magic ball thingy and says he's been waiting for this wand for fifty years. I should also mention that this guy looks human. The crystal ball then shows him Cheatsy, his dad and a few of his siblings watching the delivery guy. Koopa of course wants the wand.

At Toad's house we see Mario doing some plumbing. Toad seems to have a plugged tub that's filled with grey bathwater. The wizard guy then appears in the bathwater, causing Luigi to exclaim that he's the Wizard King of the West. The wizard warns the Koopas will attack the delivery guy, but before he can finish telling them where this is going down, Toad hops up to get a better view and knocks Mario's wrench, causing the water to drain. Well, at least the plumbing is done. Actually Toad comes up with the same remark. He also insists he knows where the mugging is going to happen because he recognized a waterfall in the message.

Mario, Luigi, Toad and Toadstool arrive on the scene to find the nerd being chased by the Koopas. Mario hits a music note block and grabs the fire flower inside to change. Then he bombards the Koopas with enough fireballs to make them retreat into a lake. Back at Toad's house, everyone is happy that the wand is safe. However, Toad wants to open the box and take a peek, but everyone tells him no, only a wizard can use it safely. The Wizard King is watching on his crystal ball and decides to go after the wand himself. Either he suspects bad things are-a-coming, or he read ahead in the script. Either way, he walks out of his cloud castle, hops on his giant snail named Lightning Bolt, and heads out to get his wand.

Back at Toad's house, Toad is left alone with the wand. Why they left it with him I don't know. Toad soon decides to ignore the warnings and opens the box to pick up the wand. He immediately uses the wand to bring random household objects to life, because it's the responsible thing to do. Not satisfied, he heads outside and finds a pile of assorted pipes in his yard. Why they are there I don't know. Toad uses the wand to assemble them into two pipe creatures, a blue one and a purple one. Then he orders them to dance and begins yelling at them. He's had the wand less than a minute and already all the power has gone to his fat head. The blue pipe monster grabs the wand from Toad, to the surprise of no one but Toad. He, or rather it, then uses the wand to bring a bunch of blocks to life, which immediately begin hoping around. Mario and Luigi then walk out of Toad's house. Wait, so they were there the whole time? And are only now just noticing something's wrong? Maybe they had more work to do in the bathroom.

Mario notices the blocks are trying to squash Toad specifically. He also mentions that Toadstool is in the house taking a nap. Really? Does she regularly come over to Toad's place to nap? Mario grabs Toad and runs away with Luigi behind them. They come to a cliff and jump off. All the blocks then leap off too. However they don't land on the small ledge just beneath the clifftop like the brothers did, and instead fall all the way to the bottom. Koopa and his kids then arrive on the scene with a pair of boomerang brothers. Using their boomerangs, the brothers knock the wand out of the pipe creature's hand and Koopa grabs it. He has it for a few seconds before Kootie Pie decides it's her wand now and grabs it out of his hands. Then she keeps shouting “mine!” for a little bit. This is enough to awaken Toadstool, and due to an animation error, Toad is standing next to her as she walks out of the house. Kootie uses the wand to make Toad's white picket fence into an impenetrable wall. Toad and the Mario Brothers arrive, causing Bully to grab the wand from his sister and order the pipe creatures to grab three of them and begin juggling them. Then Cheatsy grabs the wand and uses it to make a tiny nipper into a giant, though he mistakenly calls it a piranha plant. The nipper tries to eat Mario, but he escapes the pipe creature's grasp just before the nipper tires to eat him, causing the nipper to bite down on the blue pipe creature. Mario then grabs a wrench and uses it to remove the arm of the purple pipe creature. Now free, Toad admits to playing with the wand and apologizes for all the trouble he's caused.

We now get a montage set to the tune “I'm a Hurricane.” We'll hear this song again in a later episode, but this version of the song is missing the chorus. Mario and Luigi get grabbed by the pipe creatures again while Toad runs off. Cheatsy grabs the wand and uses it to send the picket fence after Toad, but he narrowly misses. In the shot with the spell being cast on the fence you can see Toad and Toadstool standing in the doorway to the house, even though Toad is clearly supposed to be elsewhere. Toad eventually finds the blocks from before and gets them to chase him. Bully grabs the wand from Cheatsy and commands the nipper to attack Toad as he runs towards everybody. Toad gets out of the way at the last second and the blocks then smash the nipper flat. Toad runs up to the Koopas, but they're not happy about being next to him with a mountain of blocks out for his head. Meanwhile, Mario hits another note block and gets a leaf, turning him into raccoon Mario and allowing him to fly free of the blue pipe monster. He then flies by and picks up Toad. Koopa's had enough and grabs the wand from Bully, but Toad then snatches it out of his hand. Just then the Wizard King arrives on his snail and uses his magic to rip the wand out of Toad's hands. Then he turns the pipe creatures into two big hands that grab the Koopas up and drops them in a warp pipe in the sky. So, the crisis is averted and the wizard has his wand so he can roast weenies with it. No, I'm not making that up. He waited fifty years to have a powerful magic wand built just so he could roast weenies.

**The Big Game**

Our episode starts with an establishing shot of Megaland, AKA where Mega Man is from. It looks like a few big balls and assorted objects with giant rings surrounding them. We're told Wily is working on a new invention in Skull Castle, but we don't see anything that looks remotely like a skull. Inside, we see the doctor's invention, a power vacuum. Not a powerful vacuum cleaner, but a vacuum that sucks up power. Specifically “competition energy,” which is generated by playing games. Wily calls on Metalman to demonstrate. Metalman looks nothing like he does in the games, but he does look like someone you might name Metalman. He's got Metalman's circular blade on his forehead and shoulders. He starts shooting metal blades at Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo while we see Wily's device apparently filling up with energy. His device looks like a couple of big glass containers hooked up to a strength tester machine you see at the fair. Wily wants to use the machine to suck up the N Team's energy and mentions something about an earthquake zone.

At the Palace of Power, Kevin is looking despondent because he's homesick. Mega Man then skateboards in an uses surfer talk, hopefully because he's trying to simulate Californian culture and not because he thinks it's cool. Mega Man gives Kevin the skateboard and calls him “Mondo-nose.” Kevin shows his appreciation by skateboarding on the wall, then Lana wants to try. Wily is watching this on his TV thingie, then walks onto what seems to be a set of some kind, complete with a robot dressed up like a lifeguard who shouts “Gag me with a spoon!” Meanwhile, Lana skates right into Simon and the pair land on the couch right in front of the TV. She must have hit him pretty hard, because for a brief moment there are two Lanas on the couch. The channel changes from a band playing a song, to an ad featuring Wily's stereotypical robot chick. She talks about how great [California Games](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FupPnY0bmLQ) Land is using the most totally radical language possible. She announces that she'll give away tickets to California Games Land if someone can tell her which is California’s most radical valley. When Kevin answers the San Fernando Valley, the robot says he's right, compliments Kevin and switches back to the band while the TV spits out a bunch of tickets. So, are all TVs capable of two way communication? And how often would you use the ticket printing function? Wily laughs about how great his plan is, then hops into a warp zone with a small army of robots.

On the beach in California Games Land, the N Team arrives and Kevin is ecstatic. We then move into a montage of everyone participating in various sports with generic beach music playing. However, under the hot dog stand, evil is brewing, and I'm not talking about the wieners. Wily is collecting energy from the N Team and states that soon he'll have enough energy to open warp zones to anywhere in Videoland, then he'll send the N Team to the earthquake zone. So I guess there's an entire world dedicated to just earthquakes? He then sics a bunch of his robots on the N Team. First up is a pair of robot clowns on bicycles who pass Kevin and Lana who are also riding bikes. After a scene of Wily congratulating himself on a plan that actually works, we see Mega Man and Game Boy skating, (though how Game Boy can skate without legs is another matter,) and watch as thepair are attacked by flying robots. It seems the N Team is not having fun with the robots constantly pestering them, so they stop playing, meaning that phase two of Wily's plan did exactly the opposite of what he wanted.

Now we take a turn for the “this doesn't make sense anymore.” Wily uses his warp zone generator to open a warp zone. But not to the earthquake warp like he planned, oh no. He's opening a warp to someplace else. Kevin and the others see Wily bring in part of Kevin's old school, Northridge High. Specifically the gym and football field. So Wily somehow opened a warp to the real world, something that has only ever been done once before, and that was in the opening episode and performed by the Ultimate Warp Zone. This should be nigh impossible, or at least very difficult to do, but the script says it happens, so it does. And if Wily had the energy to warp the gym here from the real world, he should have more than enough energy to send the N Team to that earthquake zone like he originally panned.

Kevin and company arrive on the scene, and they see three football players and one cheerleader, the latter of whom recognizes Kevin as a video game whiz who helped her study for an algebra test. The girl, Stacy, gets his name wrong though. And since a pretty girl is about, Simon has to show off for her. Kevin identifies one of the football goons as Rick Walker, captain of the football team, while Rick in turn points out that Kevin was on the junior varsity swim team. That's where Kevin's famous jacket comes from by the way, the N on the front stands for Northridge High, not Nintendo. After some talking, a group of three Kaminari Goro from _Mega Man 2_ appear and start shooting at them. Or maybe it's just one, since they seem to all be joined together. Kevin dives and saves Rick from some lasers before shooting down the pests. A robot dog, called a friender, then rushes on the scene, spitting fireballs and causing everyone to retreat inside the gym.

Back at Metroid, Mother Brain isn't satisfied with the job Wily's doing, (she's never satisfied with anything it seems,) and mounts her tank on a three wheel motorcycle, deciding to take maters into her own, uh, tentacles. Inside the gym, Rick and his friends are told they're inside a video game, which they don't believe, though Stacy swoons over Kevin, making Lana jealous. Wily then appears as a giant hologram in the sky and after everyone has walked outside to talk to him he challenges the N Team to a contest for the Palace of Power. Kevin decides he's not an idiot this episode and says no. Wily responds by sicking a pair of helicopter baddies on the group, causing them to rush back inside. While inside, Simon gets into an argument with a blonde-haired guy named Romeo. It quickly becomes apparent the two have the same personality. They also both try to impress the girls. A flyboy flies in and shoots at the two until Kid Icarus shoots the thing with a net arrow, causing it to fall into a conveniently placed trash can. The football players don't take kindly to the natives acting like Kevin should be in charge, but Rick decides to follow Kevin's lead. Kevin then decides to accept Wily's challenge, so long as they play football.

At the sinister hot dog stand, Mother Brain arrives to nag Wily, who lays out a plan that is completely different from the one he had before. Now he wants to shut down every warp zone in the game world except the one in the hot dog stand, allowing the bad guys to leave while the N Team remain trapped in California Games Land forever, or at least until they go by the hot dog stand. Wily and Momma B arrive at the gym to call out the N Team, while inside Lana turns down an opportunity to be a cheerleader so she can go see what Dr Wily's master plan is. The N Team and friends walk out and challenge Wily to football. Wily accepts and brings out the robot masters from _Mega Man 2_. For the most part they don't look like they're supposed to, but they do look like what their names suggest. Woodman is clearly made of wood. Airman clearly blows. Air that is. Oh, and for whatever reason Flashman is completely absent. Maybe the writers thought his power was [flashing people?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReMXEfulsu8) Stacy cheers, while Game Boy spells out N Team in flashing letters. On the bad guys' side, Wily and Mother Brain are accompanied in the stands by a group of random creatures that I've never seen before nor seem to be from any game.

As the game starts, we get to hear “Having a Ball” while watching a montage of football. After that's done, Kevin decides to get more power and sends Mega Man to get some equipment from Dr. Right. Yeah, you heard. Dr. Right. With all the other stuff this show gets wrong are you really surprised they used that spelling of his name? At the hot dog stand of evil, Lana throws a frisbee to distract the friender guarding it, then slips inside. She finds Wily's machine and starts fiddling with it.

Back at the football game, the N Team and friends are cheating, as they use flying disks and the giant legs Sniper Joes sometimes use in _Mega Man 2_. Mother Brain is not happy that the N Team is now winning, but Wily declares he now has enough energy for his plan to work. Now the question is, which plan is he talking about? Wily blows a whistle and he leaves with Momma B and his robot masters. As Mother Brain rides towards the hot dog stand, a bolt of energy zaps her and she drives in circles around the hot dog stand for a short while before it seemingly explodes and takes all the baddies with it. The good guys use their noses to determine that she and her cronies wound up at the landfill warp zone. The gym starts to get all wavy and Lana appears out of nowhere to tell them the football guys are going home. She doesn't explain how she was able to reprogram Wily's machine to do anything though. Everybody says their goodbyes and the gym returns back to the real world with Stacy and the football players. Lana then says that they won't remember any of it because everyone who goes back to the real world forgets all about Videoland. How does she know that? You've never had anyone from the real world go back home before. She then points out that Kevin seemed to like Stacy, but Kevin says he likes Lana better.

**Misadventures in Babysitting**

We begin this episode with an ordinary human family in the “Real World.” The parents are getting ready for a night on the town and the mother is waiting for the babysitter to show up. Dad thinks maybe Junior’s reputation may have scared off this babysitter. As the mom defends Junior's behavior, we see the kid break a vase and blame it on the cat. Just then, the Mario Brothers arrive in a small confined space that turns out to be under the kitchen sink. Pretty sure you can't fit a warp pipe under your sink. Mario spots the Brooklyn Bridge outside the window, confirming they are in fact in Brooklyn. The mom walks into the kitchen and assumes the pair are the babysitters. Mario is going to protest, but when the mom says they can help themselves to lasagna in the fridge, Mario accepts the job. Mom and Dad leave, telling the brothers to make sure Junior has a bath.

Junior wants to play hide-and-seek, so the brothers close their eyes and start counting. Junior decides to hide under the sink and without comment crawls into the warp pipe. I'd like to point out that the warp pipe is on its side, when earlier we saw the brothers fall down out of the pipe into Brooklyn. Continuity! Junior arrives in the Mushroom Kingdom, and for some reason is not at all surprised to find himself in an unknown land. He is immediately attacked by a pack of boomerang brothers, but Junior catches a boomerang and throws in through a tree, causing it to fall on the boomerang brothers. Just as he says that he hopes the Mario brothers never find him, Kooky, Bully and Cheatsy arrive on the scene to hear his declaration. I'd like to take this opportunity to point out niether Mario nor Luigi never mentioned their names, so Junior wouldn't know to call them the Mario Brothers. Kooky identifies Junior as a “Real Worlder.” The trio approaches Junior and he asks the three who they are and where he is. After pausing for a little too long they tell him he's in the Mushroom Kingdom and introduce themselves. They say that they don't like the Mario Brothers either, and they decide to team up to cause some trouble.

Mario and Luigi arrive via warp pipe, after presumably searching the whole house. At least I hope they searched the house first. They hear Junior’s fake cries for help and chase after his voice. I have to confess something. At about this point in the episode, many years ago, I accidentally hit the record button while I was watching this. As a result, part of the episode has been taped over with a Sesame Street sketch wherein Kermit the Frog tries in vain to find Peter Piper for an interview. If you want you can [watch it here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGa5IJ1GANc).

The Brothers run right into a ptooie plant, but they pick up some conveniently placed sticks and smack the plant's spiked balls back at it. The brothers continue onwards to the foot of what looks like to be a cross between a volcano and a pyramid. They see Junior get grabbed by Bully and dragged inside. After they enter, a cave-in separates the brothers from Bully, Cheatsy and Junior while Kooky rolls a boulder covering the entrance. Suddenly Kooky is inside the mountain where the other three are. He then turns the valve on a complicated series of pipes and the chamber the Marios are in starts to fill with lava. When Junior asks what Kooky is doing he says “I'm filling up the cave up with lava silly. What does it look like?” This is too much mischief for Junior, however the Koopas aren't done with him yet and drag him out of the mountain before throwing him down a warp pipe.

Junior winds up in a pool of water, climbs out and runs into some thwomps, boos and a boom-boom. Now he's had enough and wants to go home. Back with the Mario Brothers, they hop on top of stones to try and keep above the lava. Mario pulls a hammer and chisel out of a toolbox that he now magically has, and digs his way right out of the side of the volcano. They turn a corner and see the Koopas, now standing outside, but next to the set of pipes they used back when they were inside the volcano. They're gloating about how they screwed over the kid. Mario and Luigi then hop down a warp pipe and begin traversing the cave system. They encounter a boom-boom and defeat it with some cartwheels that end with Luigi bouncing Mario into the air and on the boom-boom's head. After Luigi scares off a couple of boos with a scary face, the brothers find Junior.

Outside, the Koopas are ready to turn up the heat, as they have a fire hose sticking down another warp pipe. Only this hose gushes lava instead of water. As the caves fill up with lava we get another rendition of “Without Getting Burned,” this time being longer and with two verses. It's actually a pretty good song, even if it's cheesy as hell. During the chaos, we see several baddies get out of the way of the rising lava. Mario and Luigi grab a couple of leaves, sprout raccoon tails, and fly Junior up and out of the caves. Unfortunately, the volcano is now ready to erupt. Specifically, it's going to erupt out of a pipe that's situated on the very tip top of the mountain. The brothers quickly construct a catapult out of a tree, and launch a boulder into the air. The boulder lands right in the pipe, plugging it. Now if you think this would only make the problem worse, since pressure would now build up under the boulder and create an even worse explosion, you'd be wrong because the writers clearly don't know how volcanoes work. With the volcano problem solved, Mario and Luigi quickly rush back to Junior's house and throw him into a bath, clothes and all, just as his parents arrive. The mom is so happy that they actually got Junior to take a bath that she wants them to babysit again on Friday.

\----

There are a ton of instances of people snatching the wand in “Toadally Magical Adventure” and doing random magic with it, so at least the episode is lively if nothing else. It's Toad's turn to carry the idiot ball in this episode and he holds onto it hard. “The Big Game” is filled with problems, as Wily can't decide what his plan is, and is able to casually break the one hard and fast rule the show has. The Ultimate Warp Zone is the only way to the real world. And the episode ends with Lana pulling a new rule about real world travel out of thin air. Although I have to admit it was fun watching everyone play football, as contrived as the set-up is. This episode has Wily have a larger impact on the plot than even Mother Brain. It's his evil scheme, and he doesn't get main villain status in any other episode except for Season 3's "A Tale of Two Dogs." “Misadventures in Babysitting” is about the Brooklyn bambinos becoming baleful babysitters for a bratty belligerent boy, and I have no particularly strong feelings for it one way or the other.


	8. Organ Music

Before we begin, I have to mention that the entire first half of this episode is missing from my VHS tape. When the show was first airing my mom forgot to tape that particular week until the show was halfway through. As a result I grew up watching half an episode.

**Do the Koopa**

We begin at the “Mushroomland Central Library.” Never heard it called Mushroomland before. Well, unless you count the opening lyrics to the _Super Mario Brothers Super Show_. Toadstool and Luigi are inside, and Luigi hands Toadstool a map. She states that she's been looking for this map for years, and that it leads to the Doom Dancer Music Box. Is it really that hard to find something in this library? Has no one heard of the Dewey Decimal System? Toadstool takes the map to Mario and Toad and explains how the music box works. Crank it fast and anyone who hears the music is forced to dance fast. Crank it slow and you put people to sleep. I should mention that there was a music box item in the _Mario Bros. 3_ game that you could use to put hammer bros. to sleep on the world map. Toadstool plans to find said this Doom Dancer Music Box and use it to keep Koopa and family from causing trouble. The group plans to visit Dark Land's Temple of Gloom to find the box, though Luigi doesn't particularly like the whole idea. Hm, Temple of Gloom huh? I'm sensing an _Indiana Jones_ parody coming on. Let's hope it turns out better than the _Indiana Jones_ parody they did back on the _Super Show_ where the Indy stand-in, Indiana Joe, was drawn without a face. (I've heard that the animators drew him with a face, specifically Harrison Ford's face. Afraid of being sued, they removed the face late in production and did not replace it with anything. I've also heard that, due to a mistake, the face layer was simply put underneath the layer with the rest of Joe's head. Either way the poor guy ended up with no face.)

Mario, Luigi, Toad and Toadstool hop down a warp pipe, conveniently labeled with a skull and crossbones, and arrive in the caverns under Dark Land. However, they are so loud they literally wake the dead, in the form of a dry bones. We cut to Koopa sitting on his throne with an ice pack on his head and holding, um, a dry ice machine? That he's inhaling the smoke out of? Anyway, the dry bones shows up via warp pipe and mutters in Koopa's ear. Koopa tells him to mumble louder because he has a cold and can't hear. Yes, that is a real thing, though I'm not sure if it's a problem ever encountered by reptiles. Koopa sends Bully, Cheatsy and Bigmouth to stop Toadstool's expedition.

Back with the good guys, they've hit a snag. Specifically, a chasm filled with fire. Luigi's defeatist attitude springs up again as he proclaims they'll never get across. At Toad's suggestion, Mario breaks some blocks and releases a bunch of leaves so they can all transform and fly over. They then run past a bunch of ceiling spikes that look like giant pencils stomping into the ground, and then past that, a pair of Koopa statues that shoot lasers out of their mouths which, astonishingly, every one of the crew manages to get hit by, taking away their powers. They finally arrive at the Temple of Gloom, which looks like an old Mayan or Aztec ziggurat with a gold skull on top. They run into a smattering of dry bones, and have a hard time dispatching them with the old jump-on-the-head routine, so they jump on their heads and THEN smash some blocks overhead, burying the dry bones under rubble.

Inside the temple, our heroes run past a whole hallway of Koopa statues, and this time actually bother to dodge the lasers they spit out. Outside, the Koopa Kids have arrived at the temple and enter in time to hear that Mario and friends are looking for the Doom Dancer Music Box. Bully says that “King Dad always said the Doom Dancer was just a legend.” Huh. So, Koopa doesn't know about the music box huh? Okay then. One question. If Koopa doesn't know about the music box, then why are there statues of him guarding it? At this news Bigmouth starts rambling about how they're all gonna be doomed if the good guys get the music box, forcing Bully to plug his mouth and carry him off. The kids decide to ambush the good guys as soon as they leave the temple using, uh, some string? String that Bigmouth is very fond of apparently. Cheatsy ties the string up as a tripwire. It's certainly better than nothing, but I wouldn't exactly call it a foolproof plan.

Inside, Mario snatches the [Doom Dancer Music Box](https://www.mariowiki.com/images/c/c6/DoomDancerMusicBox.png), which is blue and has a big fat gramophone-like speaker, so, nothing like [it looks like in the game](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/6q-WHT1jxo4/hqdefault.jpg). As soon as he grabs the box, it starts raining bob-ombs. Those guys have all the worst jobs, waiting in a temple for who-knows-how-long, just waiting for a chance to blow themselves up. Mario dodges a thwomp and, due to an animation error, is transparent for a few frames of animation while a boom-boom attacks. Our heroes rush out the front of the temple, and sure enough, all of them manage to trip on the painfully obvious string. The box goes flying way far into the air and Bigmouth pretends he's a football star. Cheatsy pushes him out of the way and is in turn pushed out of the way by Bully, who catches the box. Bully starts cranking the box and makes everyone dance for a bit before making them march.

Bully marches his new subjects right up to his dad. When Koopa asks Bully to hand over the music box he responds by trying to control his father with the music. It doesn't work of course because Koopa can't hear due to his cold. Koopa grabs the music box and makes everyone dance.

We cut ahead to Koopa's Doomship, where he has Mario and company, as well as all seven of his kids in attendance, as he plays the music box. As this goes on we hear “Do The Koopa,” not just the name of the episode, but also of the song. As that goes on we also see that everyone and everything in the Mushroom Kingdom has to dance. Mushroom citizens, as well as the crew of the Doomship, which includes paragoomabas and what I'm guessing are parakoopas, though some are missing arms and one has three legs. In Desert Land we also see a sphinx, an angry sun and some palm tress dancing. Mario comes up with a plan, finally, and stuffs “plumber's putty” in his ears so he can't hear anymore. It's such an effective plan that he may never be able to hear again. Mario knocks the box out of Koopa's hands, and with the music stopped, everyone tries to grab it. Koopa and Luigi get in a tug-of-war and the crank comes off in Luigi's hands, though due to an animation error Koopa is still clearly holding a music box with the crank still attached. Koopa gets his claw stuck in the crank hole, somehow, and in trying to pull it out, the three Koopa Kids from before pull too hard and send the music box overboard. It finally lands on a poor goomba's head, where it shatters. The Koopas start to argue about who's fault all this is, while Mario and crew hop down a warp pipe that's apparently onboard the Doomship.

**Germ Wars**

The announcer tells us that Kevin just got back from Kongoland with a prehistoric rock. It seems these guys are always coming back from Kongoland. Kevin observes the rock with a magnifying glass, saying it's just like the moon rocks he studied in school, which he says were over a billion years old. Kid Icarus says “that's even older than my uncle Methusalus.” Oh what brilliant dialogue this show gives us. Also, Kevin is chewing on a piece of gum. Bubble gum to be specific, as he blows a bubble with it. Simon and Lana show up and Simon begins spinning the rock on his finger. The rock then starts to glow and flies into Kevin's hands. More glowing happens and Kevin doubles over. Kevin says he swallowed his gum, but the others are more concerned that he has blue lines running horizontally across his face.

We cut to Kevin lying in bed with everyone around him, including Dr. Right. Right diagnoses Kevin's illness as being caused by _Viroid backvenomous_ , which he says is “no more serious than what you humans call catching a cold bug.” So Dr. Right isn't human? He is a really short. Like, Light, and Wily for that matter, are only a bit taller than Mega Man, and only waist level to Kevin and Lana. Or maybe he's talking about humans from our world? How he knows what kinds of germs we have over here is beyond me though. Dr. Right hooks up a device to Game Boy and some suction cups to Kevin so he can monitor his patient's life signs on Game Boy's screen. I'd also like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that Dr. Right's doctorate is in robotics, so he would only be of limited help in this situation.

Kevin falls asleep and we cut to inside his body, where we see a miniature, yellow-coloured version of Kevin running around as he's chased by a bio-organic thingie that's walking along the ceiling with two long legs. I have absolutely no idea what the miniature Kevin is supposed to represent. His consciousness? His immune system? I could not tell you for the life of me. It always confused me as a kid what exactly this was trying to signify. The walker thing, that is such a mishmash of stuff that I can't even begin to describe, approaches Mini-Kevin and addresses him as a human life force. Okay, so I guess that explains what Mini-Kevin is supposed to be, though it's still pretty vague. Inside the walker, we are introduced to our villain for the episode, [ Viroid](http://thehande.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/germwars.jpg), a bug-looking guy with four arms and three eyes in a circle around his mouth. Funny story, since we failed to record the first half of this episode, and Viroid is only mentioned by name really briefly one time in the second half of the episode, I grew up not knowing what the guy's name was. Viroid is accompanied by his sidekick, Cell, a fat, floating creature with eye-stalks and tiny lobster claws for hands. Viroid starts shooting at Mini-Kevin with lasers, and continues chasing Mini-Kevin as he runs away.

In the infirmary, Kevin is sleeping restlessly. Dr. Right proclaims that Kevin is in big trouble because he's not from Videoland and his body doesn't know how to fight off the infection. Well score one for the writers actually knowing how immune systems work. We see Lana speaking into a microphone, apparently sending out a message to all of Videoland, asking if anyone knows of a cure. To what is basically the common cold. Back inside Kevin's body, Mini-Kevin is still dealing with the walker when Cell flies out and shoots Mini-Kevin in the leg, turning it blue and making it so Mini-Kevin can't move it. Mini-Kevin is then picked up by the walker's long tendril and brought inside.

Outside, we see Kevin with a cord suction cupped to his head. It's still connected to Game Boy, and we get a good look at his screen, which displays a picture of Kevin's life force, where we can see that his left leg is blue and the red bars on the left side of the screen are half blue. So Mini-Kevin is Kevin's life force? After all these years, I finally get an explanation as to what Mini-Kevin is, and it doesn't make any sense. If this little guy falls into Kevin's stomach and gets digested, does that mean Kevin dies? Lana's worried, and Kid Icarus expresses his frustration by shooting a fist-shaped arrow at the ground where it pounds the floor. Simon, actually tearing up here, laments that Kevin doesn't have a warp zone inside him. This inspires Lana to try to fight the virus from inside Kevin. Fortunately, Kid Icarus has a shrinking arrow, which itself is very small. Dr. Right tells them to head for Kevin's heart, and hands them a map and videophone. Kid Icarus shoots his arrow into the air where it turns to dust that sprinkles down on himself, Lana, Mega Man and Simon. As they shrink, they start floating in a ball of blue light and enter Kevin through his ear. The first thing they encounter is Kevin's eardrum, which they float into and bounce off of. After this, their bubble bursts and they begin to fall, but all manage to grab hold of um, some sort of tube I guess. One thing I'll say about this episode, the inside of Kevin's body actually looks like the inside of a human body. I mean, it's not anatomically accurate or anything, but the way the fleshy tissue is drawn is very convincing. The crew falls down through a sphincter and into Kevin's stomach, which is apparently filled with water and purple cubes. Simon however manages to land in the gum Kevin swallowed earlier.

It's about at this point where my VHS tape for this episode begins. For years growing up, I had absolutely no idea what happened in the show to arrive at this point, though looking back on it now, I can say I didn't miss much. In fact, I think this episode actually makes slightly more sense when you only watch the second half.

Inside the walker, Viroid is pestered by Cell, who wants to look through the para-scope thingy. Viroid plots to dispose of the N Team and grabs a canister of stomach acid. In the stomach, Kid Icarus is trying to get Simon free of the gum, while Lana consults the “Map O' Kevin.” She determines that they're in Kevin's stomach. Cell then arrives at the top of the stomach and pours the canister of stomach acid inside, way more stomach acid then could possibly fit in a canister of that size. Mega Man calls Dr. Right for help, while Lana stands there with a look of complete dumbfoundedness. Dr. Right concludes that the substance must be stomach acid, and the N Team crawl up the purple blocks to get to safety. Unfortunately, Simon still has gum on his boot and gets stuck halfway up the climb. Kid Icarus shoots the gum off Simon's foot, sending Simon flying up and into Mega Man's arms. Mega Man then gets an idea and chews a piece of bubble gum. He blows a big bubble and starts to float upwards with the other three grabbing onto him. Including Kid Icarus, who can fly. As they ascend, someone drops the videophone and it falls into the green stomach acid and melts. Oh, did I mention the stomach acid is green? Because it is.

Back with Viroid, the big guy is upset that the N Team is undigested, so he orders Cell to send fat cells after them. He then gloats in front of Mini-Kevin, who's entire left side, minus his head, is blue. He's also restrained by what appears to be even more bubble gum. Kevin does the old “you'll never win” routine, so Viroid zaps him, turning his entire body blue.

Outside Kevin's body, things don't look good. Kevin's vitals are in the toilet, Duke is barking and Dr. Right can't call anyone on the videophone. On the plus side, they get a phone call from _[Faxanadu](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faxanadu)_. Dr. Right talks to King Melfis, the Elf King of Faxanadu. He dresses like an Elvis impersonator wearing sunglasses. He's also blue, or at least his head is. We'll be seeing him again in “Feud of Faxanadu.” Faxanadu, by the way, is depicted as a giant tree floating in space. Melfis says that he knows of a magic elixir that cures all evil. Unfortunately, getting the elixir is going to be dangerous. With the rest of the N Team inside Kevin, the only ones left are Duke and Game Boy, easily the two most useless members of the group. Despite the warnings, Duke and Game Boy head to Faxanadu, where the king tells them the elixir was stolen by Dwarves long ago. Having watched “Feud of Faxanadu,” I think this guy is just spouting propaganda, but we'll deal with the topic of Elf/Dwarf racism later when we cover that episode.

As Duke and Game Boy brave dungeons, we get a montage set to “Frustrated,” which is a sound-alike of “Satisfaction.” They fight their way past what I swear are zoomers from _Metroid_ , a strange squid-headed monster with tentacles for arms, who they defeat by making it run in circles, and a minotaur-like thing with laser-shooting horns. Also, Duke buys himself a suit of armour.

Back at the palace, we see Game Boy still hooked up to Kevin and monitoring his condition. Continuity? What's that? Inside Kevin, we see the aforementioned fat cells Viroid mentioned, two big round blob creatures who shoot white goo at the N Team. Thing is, every time they shoot this gunk they get a little smaller. The N Team runs around the fat cells, goading them into shooting at them. Eventually the fat cells have shrunk down to the point where they're absolutely tiny and float off. Viroid is so pissed that he breaks his para-scope. He then orders Cell to release the germ squad. As the N Team are climbing down a rope, three blue Mini-Kevins with spiky hair shoot at them until they fall down a cliff. Apparently germs are actually miniature versions of you?

Inside Viroid's walker, we see Lana and the others in a cage, apparently made of bone with green slop on the ceiling. They talk with Mini-Kevin for a bit and say how they're sorry for failing him. Oddly, they don't seem surprised to see a miniature version of Kevin, inside Kevin. Does everyone have a miniature version of themselves running around in their bodies that could die and take them with it? Viroid has the cage thrown out the back of the walker into a river of water. Not blood, water. And they've made a point of saying that this is by Kevin's heart, and not his bladder. The cage goes over a waterfall, but as soon as it hits bottom, the N Team jumps out completely unscathed. Guys, if you could just get out any time you wanted, why not do it sooner? Like, when the bad guy was right in front of you?

Back on Faxanadu, Duke and Game Boy find the elixir they've been looking for, making this the first and last time either one of them accomplish anything useful. Back inside Kevin, we see Viroid now accompanied by five evil Mini-Kevins standing outside his walker. The door is left wide open and Lana strolls inside completely unseen. She approaches Mini-Kevin, and the bubble gum restraints disappear as soon as she gets near. Walking outside, the two of them are about to be shot at by Viroid's crew. Realizing there isn't much time left in the episode, the rest of the N Team shows up and attack the evil Mini-Kevins who all go down in one hit, though due to an animation error they all show up just fine in the next shot. Viroid fires a laser at Lana, but she uses Simon's mirror to reflect it back at Viroid, killing him. Lana gives Simon his mirror back, but then Kid Icarus' shrinking arrow begins to wear off. As they prepare to leave, Kevin says “you'll always be my Videoland family.” This seems like he's saying it as part of a goodbye, but it's actually a plot point. As the N Team enlarges, they're surrounded by a blue light and float away, leaving Mini-Kevin alone with Cell, who asks if Kevin holds grudges. We don't see the answer, though I'd love to see Mini-Kevin say that he DOES hold grudges and choke the little guy to death.

In the palace, Dr. Light hooks up the elixir to a tube, presumably connected to Kevin somehow, though I don't see any IVs anywhere, just the suction cup on his forehead. Kevin sneezes, and the N Team floats out in their blue sphere and enlarge to normal size. So all is well right? No. See, the elixir is password protected. No, I am not making this up. You need the “magic mantra” of the intended target to activate the elixir. Also, it has to be typed into a computer, because why wouldn't you use a computer to administer a magic elixir? Lana remembers the stuff Kevin said to them just before they left, and types in “family.” Kevin wakes up and everything is alright. Then Kevin sneezes out one of Kid Icarus' feathers.

**Kootie Pie Rocks**

We start our episode with Cheatsy climbing up to a window and looking in Toadstool's castle. Why? To spy on them most likely. I actually think Cheatsy has an eaves-dropping addiction. We see Toad helping Mario into a fancy red suit. Luigi, wearing a fancy green suit, complains about said fancy suit. Toad is also dressed up in a red diner jacket. Toadstool makes her appearance at the top of the stairs wearing jeans with holes in them and a very loose fitting t-shirt that reads “Milli Vanilli.” At the sight of this, Toad faints. Toadstool proudly announces that she can't wait to got to the “Real World,” specifically New York, to see Milli Vanilli. She asks why the others are so dressed up, and we learn that Toad assumed “concert” automatically meant the fancy suit-and-tie symphony orchestra kind. Toadstool isn't worried though. With Milli Vanilli on stage no one is going to care what they're wearing. Having heard everything, Cheatsy decides to go back home and tell Kootie Pie about it.

We cut to Kastle Koopa, where we see Kootie Pie throwing yet another temper tantrum and throwing stuff out a window. She's upset that Toadstool gets to go to a Milli Vanilli concert, but she doesn't. I have to ask, how do these people even know who Milli Vanilli is? They live in a completely different dimension. Koopa caves in to Kootie Pie and promises to kidnap Milli Vanilli for his daughter. Koopa engages in some schtick where he keeps calling Milli Vanilli by different random names and getting yelled at for it. Kootie Pie runs off saying she'll get changed, and Koopa insists that Cheatsy help him with the kidnapping.

Meanwhile, at the concert in New York, we see Milli Vanilli appear on stage. Now, if you're not familiar with who or what Milli Vanilli is, all you really need to know is that it's a music group composed of two guys. If you want more info, just read this [ Milli Vamilli](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milli_Vanilli) page. I should also make mention of the music in this episode. When the show was originally broadcast, it contained a several Milli Vanilli songs. However, later broadcasts and DVD releases removed the songs and replaced them with, you guessed it, an instrumental version of “Megamove.” Yes, the instrumental version. As in the one without lyrics. This has the effect of having the singers sing, without having any words come out. Which is funny because Milli Vanilli had a huge scandal where it was revealed that they don't sing their songs, they just lip-sync. As I'm basing this off my old VHS tapes, the songs on my version are intact.

Milli Vanilli starts singing “Blame it on the Rain,” and the brothers' ears get assaulted by the screams of hundreds of fans. The Doomship arrives and sends down a beam of light on the stage. Huh. Unusually-shaped flying object. Beam of light. I wonder if the Koopas are responsible for the alien abduction phenomenon? Koopa would probably jump at the chance to screw with people like that. The beam of light picks up Milli Vanilli, as well as the piece of the stage they're standing on. One dedicated fan jumps off Mario's head to touch one of the musician's hands. She does so, and after fainting into Mario's arms proclaims, “I'll never wash my hand again.” As the singers float away, Toadstool exclaims that the act is really top notch and that they really know how to make an exit. Then the Doomship starts flashing. Not sure why. Our heroes finally clue in that something's amiss when they hear Koopa laughing. Not sure if he's naturally really loud or if he had the loud-speaker on and laughed right into it. Mario hands off the fainted girl to a random person in the crowd and proclaims that they're going to rescue Milli Vanilli.

Back at Kastle Koopa, Kootie Pie introduces herself to her captives wearing a green skirt and a red necklace. However, the guys aren't too thrilled about being taken away from their concert, though they don't seem especially worried about the talking reptiles. Kootie Pie jumps up and kisses one of them, but gets pushed back to the floor. It seems Milli Vanilli doesn't want to play for her. She threatens to turn them into accountants, and when they don't believe her she carries out her threat. They try to run away but are stopped by a pair of sledge brothers.

Kootie Pie continues threatening Milli Vanilli, now saying that she'll turn them into beetles. One of the singers retorts, “who wants to be a band from the 60's?” Can I get a rimshot in here? They try to reason with Kootie Pie, saying that they can't sing without a backup band. I should have probably mentioned that we did see a brief glimpse of the backup band at the concert, but they weren't really important enough for the show to mention. Fortunately, Toadstool and company are watching this whole exchange from the window. Voyeurism seems popular in this episode. Toadstool is worried that she'll never hear her favourite band again. Uh, shouldn't you be be more concerned about the guys being turned into beetles? Mario says they'll rescue Rob and Fab. Those are the two guys' names by the way. As a kid, I always thought one was named Milli and the other was called Vanilli. They decide to dress up like a band to get into the castle.

The gang enters the castle via an unguarded warp pipe, wearing disguises that mostly consist of really long-haired wigs and hipster sunglasses. Luigi says he wishes they had time to rehearse, but Toad points out that wouldn't have done any good, as none of them know how to play their instruments. I guess no plan is perfect. In the throne room, we see Kootie Pie has now resorted to pounding the floor and wailing for her dad to get her a band. Surprisingly, Milli Vanilli recognizes Toadstool from the concert. Mario tells Kootie Pie that they're called “Back-ups Are We,” and wants to know if anyone needs a band. Kootie Pie remarks that she must be getting good at throwing tantrums, since she got results so fast this time.

Toadstool goads Kootie Pie into turning Milli Vanilli back into, well, Milli Vanilli, though that really shouldn't have been necessary, since Kootie Pie would have done that anyway. They start singing “Girl You Know It's True,” with Toadstool and the rest playing the accompanying music. Kootie Pie seems to enjoy the song, but Koopa runs in telling them to shut off the racket. However, Toad is trying to spin his drumsticks around and one flies across the room and right into Koopa's mouth, holding it open. We also get a shot of sledge brothers and goombas running to get way from the sound. The gang stops playing and runs for the still unguarded warp pipe. Kootie Pie somehow doesn't realize the music has stopped until after they're already gone. Kootie Pie then runs to her dad, insisting that he bring back Milli Vanilli. Koopa finally puts his foot down and threatens to throw Kootie Pie in the dungeon if she doesn't stop. Geez, if you had just done that at the start we could have avoided this whole mess. Faced with dungeon time, Kootie Pie decides to forget about the whole affair. Back in New York, Milli Vanilli gets to finish their concert while Toadstool cheers from backstage.

\----

As I've already stated, I only had the second half of this episode on my VHS tape growing up. It actually served to make the first half of the _Captain N_ episode more mysterious. I always wondered what events lead up to the N Team winding up in Kevin's stomach. Of course, after watching it now as an adult, I'm disappointed with the answer. By the same token, I knew that there was a Mario episode that I was missing, though after watching “Do the Koopa,” I wasn't as disappointed, probably because I never put that much thought into what I was missing. When making the Milli Vanilli episode, they actually got the voices of the real Milli Vanilli, making it the only time they got a celebrity on the show. Conversely, the _Super Show_ had celebrities dropping by all the time in the live action segments. Of course, a lot of them were people like Dracula and Inspector Gadget, so I don't think they count.


	9. Scaly Scandal

**Mush-Rumors**

We begin somewhere in the countryside with a little girl asking the immortal question, “Are we there yet?” A family is on a trip to “Wild Waldo's One-of-a-Kind Amusement Park.” I should note that this is a “Real World” family, and they are in the “Real World.” They drive into a tunnel, and we hear the classic Mario “go into a pipe” sound effect. The station wagon then drives out of a very large sideways laying pipe in the Mushroom Kingdom. So, somehow, the people who built the road had to construct a tunnel, but apparently never realized it lead into another dimension? How is that even possible? Maybe they did realize it leads into another dimension, but they never bothered to do anything about it? The mother points out the funky scenery and asks where they are. The father answers, “We're not in Kansas anymore. Maybe we're in Iowa.” The boy looks out his window at the typical Mushroom Kingdom landscape and declares, “This is cool!” The girl looks out her window, which is still showing Kansas countryside, and declares, “This is freaky!”

The dad takes his eyes off the road for a second and smashes right into a pile of blocks that are smack dab in the middle of the road for some reason. Instead of coming to a stop like any normal person, the dad keeps driving, even though smoke is now coming out of the hood of the car and blinding him. The car nearly runs over a mushroom citizen fishing by a river, and crashes into another wall of blocks at the river's edge. Who gave this guy his license? While the dad is trying to fix the engine, the mushroom guy sees him through the engine smoke and immediately assumes he's an alien from another planet. He then runs off screaming “The aliens are coming!” No way is this guy jumping to conclusions.

Not far off, Hip and Hop place a mirror up to a wall, hoping to trick someone into thinking there isn't a wall there and running into it. Wouldn't painting a tunnel on the wall be better? The kids aren't even that confident in their plan, thinking aloud, “Is anyone dumb enough to fall for a prank like this?” We get a scene change, and watch as the mushroom guy from earlier bounces off an offscreen object and falls to the ground. I guess someone was dumb enough to somehow not notice their reflection and smash into a mirror. Given that it's this guy though, I can't say I'm surprised. Hip and Hop show up to gloat, as is Koopa custom, but the mushroom guy just screams about aliens, saying that they have four eyes and breath fire. I think we just found the stupidest character to ever appear on this show. Hip and Hop take the guy at his word and run off.

At Kastle Koopa, the twins run into Bully and inform him of an alien invasion. Bully then tells the same thing to Kooky, who tells Bigmouth, who tells Kootie Pie, who tells dad. Oddly, no one bothers to tell Cheatsy. The thing is, every time someone gets told what's going on, the one telling the story makes it more ridiculous than the version they had heard, till Kootie Pie's story involves spaceships and lasers. Koopa decides to attack the aliens before they get attacked. Have these guys had an alien problem before? Because no one seems to question the fact that there are aliens invading. I guess there was that one time in _[Mario and Luigi Partners in Time](https://www.mariowiki.com/Mario_%26_Luigi:_Partners_in_Time)._

Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, pretty much the same thing is happening. The idiot Mushroom shouts “alien” at one group of people, who all run off screaming at more people. This thing spreads faster than the plague. Finally, Mario and Luigi arrive on the scene and point out that no one has actually seen any of these aliens. The idiot mushroom then runs up and tells of the hideous thing he saw that had, wait for it... hair! Yeah, hair sure is gross right Mario? Mario concludes that these aliens are from the “Real World,” because there is so much travel between there and here in this show.

The Doomship magically appears in the sky over the Mushroom Kingdom, and Koopa orders the ship to open fire on the station wagon. How did they know where the station wagon was? All they ever heard was “aliens!” Mario and Luigi arrive on the scene and realize that, yes, the aliens are just humans. Though they are technically from another dimension. At least I think it's technically another dimension. The Mario Brothers move in and take a raft off the top of the car and put it in the river. Then they push the car onto the raft and float downstream. Mass? Buoyancy? What are those? The Doomship continues to fire, managing to miss with every bullet bill and bob-omb. Despite their poor aim, the crew aboard the Doomship can see the “aliens” clearly, and assume they've disguised themselves as humans to trick the Mario Brothers into helping them. I swear, these people... Koopa fires chain chops into the water, and their blocks sink to the bottom while the heads eat away at the raft and the car's tires, while the song “Frog Suit” plays. The brothers dive underwater and find a chest. Mario sifts through a bunch of junk, including one of Toadstool's dresses, until he finds a pair of frog suits. At this point the chain chomps are trying their darndest to pull the car to the bottom of the river, but are having a hard time because it's so buoyant. Guys? Listen to me carefully. Cars do not float! Mario leaps out of the water and breaks three blocks with one jump, discovering a starman in the process. He then easily defeats the chain chomps and the car floats to the surface. Unfortunately, Koopa nabs the whole car with a big ol' magnet and flies away.

Back at Kastle Koopa, the scaly family is trying to interrogate the “Real World” one. The mom tells Koopa that, if he is Wild Waldo, then his amusement park sucks. Kootie Pie whines to dad that the aliens aren't changing back to their true form. Kooky happens to have an invention that will read their minds. Then they'll know their invasion plans and they can use them to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom. So we cut to the lab, where the family is wearing a bunch of contraptions on their heads. Kooky gets a readout from his machine just as the Mario Brothers break down the castle wall with raccoon tails. They fly in and turn off the machine, then free the family. Kooky appears to have vanished from the scene by this point, as he doesn't do anything to stop them, nor is he shown running away. Mario says they left the station wagon running so they can get away quickly. Dude, that car was underwater, you'd be lucky to get it running in a week.

The family drives the car back through the warp pipe to Kansas. The idiot mushroom from earlier sees the car leave and begins running around screaming “The aliens are gone!” Well, at least he's good for something. Back at Kastle Koopa, King Dad is ready to use the alien invasion plans himself, but Kooky informs him that the family really were “Real Worlders.” Koopa asks who started the rumour that they were aliens, and all of the kids point at each other. Back in the “Real World” the little girl asks “Are we there yet?” Both dads finish by facepalming.

**The Trojan Dragon**

We begin this episode in a cave, where a nerdy dragon named Stoop attends to a golden dragon egg, coaxing it to hatch. Dragonlord comes running in, and in true villain fashion begins berating his subordinate. He demands to know why the golden dragon hasn't hatched, but the little guy says there isn't enough heat to hatch the egg. Have you tried using a funeral pyre? It worked for Daenerys Targaryen. I should probably take this opportunity to properly introduce our villain for this episode. [Dragonlord](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s2_ttd_17.jpg) is a big red dragon who appeared in the Season 1 episode “Three Men and a Dragon.” That episode and this one are based off the game _[Dragon Warrior](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragon_Quest_\(video_game\))_ , the American name given to the first game in the _[Dragon Quest](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragon_Quest)_ franchise. In that game, Dragonlord was a wizard-looking dude, but halfway through the battle with him he reveals his "true form," which is a dragon. Though that dragon was purple, not red. According to the narrator, this episode is set on a world called “Dragon's Den,” which, based on the establishing shot, is a red coloured planet. Stoop has a brainstorm and plans to steal the Sun Stone that powers the The Palace of Power so that he can hatch the egg. I'd like to point out that this is the first and last episode that will ever make mention of the Sun Stone.

At the Palace of Power, we see Simon try to show off his whip skills as Game Boy spawns gerutas from his screen. Kevin then tells Game Boy to give him five. So Game Boy shoots five 5's at him. That's not him being cute, that's apparently exactly what Kevin wanted. Game Boy is also plugged into a wall socket because it will be a plot point in a minute. Stoop shows up with two other dragons and has them burn through a big thick cable that's hanging up near the top of the palace. This causes the lights to go out and Game Boy overloads, spewing out more gerutas for some slapstick with Simon. Mega Man gets a jetpack and flies up to see what the problem is. As he does, Stoop's two friends fly in the same door Mega Man just came out of and soon fly out again with a glowing sphere while Stoop watches. Then, instead of making a clean getaway, Stoop watches as Mega Man examining the burned cables and, in a shot where no one has the Sun Stone, orders his friends to shoot fireballs at Mega Man. Then they fly off and Mega Man is left knowing that a bunch of dragons have made off with the Sun Stone. We cut to the assembled N Team where Game Boy announces that because of the power surge he has enough power to power the Palace's defence systems for twelve hours. I don't know what defence systems they're talking about, because bad guys have been able to come and go from the palace as often as they please.

Back on Dragon's Den, the sun stone is placed next to the golden egg and the egg begins pulsing. The Sun Stone itself looks kind of like a globe with the landmasses glowing a bright gold colour. Dragonlord is stoked that the egg is going to hatch soon, so he tells Stoop to summon all the dragons from Dragon's Den to his mountain. He intends to conquer Dragon's Den as soon as the egg hatches.

In another part of the world, The N Team, sans Game Boy, arrives. The group are immediately attacked by a group of slimes. Even if you know nothing about ''Dragon Quest,'' you're probably familiar with the [slime](http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/dragonquest/images/6/69/DQVIII_-_Slime.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/200?cb=20151121125212). However [these slimes](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s2_ttd_01.jpg) look nothing like that. The slimes attack by spitting acidic, well, slime, that melts the boulders the N Team are hiding behind. Between Mega Man's not-megabuster and Kevin's zapper, they get rid of the slimes and pick up some coins they leave behind. Up above them they can see a huge flock of dragons all flying towards Dragonlord's place. Well, I say dragons, but it's really the same guy drawn over and over again. Kevin decides to enter Dragonlord's mountain by building a Trojan Dragon. He specifically mentions the Greeks entering Troy via a wooden horse and says they should do the same thing with a wooden dragon. Yes, he specifically states that their dragon should be made of wood. Kevin, do you think maybe you could build it out of something a little bit less flammable? Lana says that Hyrule has a dragonwood forest, so they should build it there. Not sure what dragonwood is, or why they want to build their dragon out of it. Kevin puts Simon in charge of building the dragon and goes off with Lana to get equipment.

In Hyrule, we see Mega Man pulling the bark off a tree, saying it looks just like dragon's scales. Well, that would explain the name. We see Link and Zelda helping out with the construction, and they mention that Simon left to go get more branches. Not sure how far he needed to wander off considering they're in a forest. Simon, being Simon, manages to walk backwards and stab his butt right on the pointy corkscrew end of a moblin's weapon. The moblin chases him and Simon manages to run right into a giant spider web. This moblin looks much shorter than the ones shown in previous episodes, only coming up to Simon's waist. Simon calls for help and Link shows up to begin fighting the moblin. In a stunning display of, I'm not sure what exactly, Link jumps into the air and cuts off a tree branch. That tree branch falls on the moblin's head like a bucket and he wanders into a tree where he zaps out of existence. Simon looks up and sees a giant spider, no doubt the owner of the web he's stuck in. Zelda then arrives on the scene and kills the spider with one shot from her bow. Simon then crawls out of the web with no problem, begging the question why he needed help in the first place. As production on the dragon continues we get a building montage set to “Into the Mouth of the Dragon.” I have no idea if this is a sound-alike of another song or is an original.

On Dragon's Den, Kevin and Lana arrive at a shop that's sold out of everything except some fairy water. Seems everyone has heard about Dragonlord getting his army ready, so they all bought equipment in preparation to defend against the upcoming attack. For some reason, the shopkeeper decides Kevin is prime hero material and gives him a map that leads to a flame sword and a silver shield, guarded by an axe knight. He's convinced that a hero, or “Dragon Warrior,” will save everyone from Dragonlord. Kevin and Lana show up at said cave, and the axe knight walks out to greet them. Kevin shoots him to no avail, but Lana spots a treasure chest behind the knight, so Kevin uses his D pad to zip underneath the knight. Before he can open the chest, the knight had already turned around and swung again, missing Kevin, but putting a hole in the chest. Kevin decides to stop fooling around and pauses, not by pressing the select button, but the B button. Kevin grabs the sword and shield and unpauses as he exits the cave, leaving the axe knight confused.

Back on Hyrule, the dragon is finished, complete with a furnace, pedal powered wings, and most importantly, a fold down ramp in its crotch for easy access. Mega Man gets to peddling and the dragon takes off with Simon at the helm. Link and Zelda have finished their part for this episode so they get left behind. At the rendezvous in Dragon's Den, Kevin and Lana are waiting for the others. The dragon then flies by and splashes down into a lake. When the dragon pulls itself back onto land, the crotch ramp opens and Simon rushes out to kiss the ground. Kevin decides to take over control and they fly to Dragonlord's mountain. Upon arriving, they overhear Stoop telling a guard that they're planning on hatching an invincible golden dragon. They decide to mingle with the other dragons while Simon stands by stoically with a bucket on his head. A guard stops them and Kid Icarus takes over the dragon's voice to try and talk their way out. Dragonlord is nearby, watching other dragons on the firing range, and calls the N Team dragon over, assuming he's old and therefore experienced. Kid Icarus stokes the fire enough for the dragon to burn the target to a cinder. Kevin and Lana depart again, leaving Simon in charge while they look for a way into the castle. Wait, castle? You're in a mountain, where did you guys see a castle?

Kevin and Lana rush out the crotch ramp and somehow aren't seen by any of the other dragons. They rush down a corridor and come across a door in the shape of a dragon's head whose jaws are opening and closing at an incredible rate. They talk about how they have to time it exactly right even though Kevin can stop time. When they do decide to jump through, the dragon jaws conveniently move much slower than they were a second ago. They then try to float across a lava lake using Kevin's gamepad, but it runs out of power and Kevin drops the sword and shield just before they fall into the lava. Thankfully the pair land on the shield, which apparently floats in lava. The group are able to use it to surf across to the other side. Unfortunately, the fire sword is forgotten about and left to sink to the bottom of the lake.

We cut to the N Team dragon flying through the air while other dragons flick boulders at it with their tails. Simon and the others haven’t been discovered or anything, apparently this is just how dragons get ready for a battle. Simon however has had enough and puts the dragon on the ground. Just as Dragonlord is praising the great flying, Simon opens the crotch ramp and runs outside to kiss the ground again. Dragonlord has the group picked up and calls for the golden necklace. This cursed golden necklace is a magic artifact that can change its size to fit anyone. Only way to remove it is with good magic. The golden dragon is designed to only attack the wearer of the necklace, which actually makes him only so useful if you have to put the necklace on all your targets.

Dragonlord has the three hung up in another spider web, this one hanging right above the chamber with the Sun Stone and the golden egg. Kevin and Lana hear the cries for help and arrive just in time to see the egg hatch into an adorable little dragon. Simon retorts, “You mean that's what all the fuss is about?” thus tempting fate and causing the golden dragon to pick up the Sun Stone and grow into a fully mature and huge dragon that breaks through the web. Simon and the others fall to the floor and everyone starts running. They somehow make it all the way back to their dragon without running into anyone, and take off.

The golden dragon bursts through the floor and we get a shot of the N Team dragon up against the background used for shots inside the wooden dragon. As the N Team dragon flies by we see that the golden dragon is large enough to swallow the wooden dragon whole. Dragonlord shows up and is thrilled that the golden dragon is up and about. Lana then remembers Dragonlord mentioning good magic can remove the cursed necklace, despite her not even being there for the conversation. She uses the fairy water from earlier to remove the necklace from Simon's neck. Kevin pilots the dragon right over Dragonlord and Simon dangles from a rope ladder through the crotch ramp. He throws the necklace onto Dragonlord, where it attaches to his neck. Now with the golden dragon targeting him, Dragonlord freaks out. The fairy water then falls from the wooden dragon and Dragonlord catches it. I'm not sure if the water fell by accident or if one of the N Team threw it to him. Dragonlord uses the water to remove the necklace, then throws it at the golden dragon. As soon as the necklace touches the golden dragon he disintegrates. The N Team dragon flies by, catches the Sun Stone and flies away. When Dragonlord realizes he just destroyed his own dragon, he completely flips out and begins pounding on his head. With the Sun Stone in hand the N Team flies their dragon off into the sunset.

**The Ugly Mermaid**

Right away we're treated to Koopa's newest toy, the Doomsub. A hunk of metal that looks like a big red plesiosaur with horns. Koopa wants to use it to take over the underwater city of Metropolis. Underwater? Dang, Superman messed up big time. Hip and Hop point out that they're being followed by Mario, Luigi, Toad and Toadstool, who are all wearing frog suits. Koopa orders rocky wrenches to pop out of portholes and throw, well, wrenches at them. I'd like to remind everyone that this is all taking place underwater, so how the Doomsub isn't flooding via the wrench's portholes is beyond me. Also, have you tried throwing a wrench underwater? Not dangerous. Mario and Luigi each catch a wrench out of the air, er, water, and throw them at the Doomsub's propellers, breaking them and causing the sub to spin out of control. Koopa then has the sub start firing lasers in random directions. The lasers hit some blocks and cause them to sink, but when Mario dives in front of a laser headed for the princess, the laser hits him, somehow encasing him in a block of cement, and he starts to sink.

As Mario starts his trip to the bottom of the ocean, a merperson comes out of a warp pipe and answers Mario's call for help. She announces her name as Holly Mackerel, the Mermaid Princess of Metropolis. She says mermaid, but this isn't the human-on-top/fish-on-bottom kind of mermaid. She and all her kind look much more like the [Creature from the Black Lagoon](http://www.doctormacro.com/Images/Chapman,%20Ben/Annex/NRFPT/Annex%20-%20Chapman,%20Ben%20\(Creature%20From%20the%20Black%20Lagoon\)_NRFPT_17.jpg). Everyone enters the warp pipe and end up inside Metropolis, which is located under a large glass dome. Holly sticks a fishbowl filled with water over her head and announces that she can't breathe air. Okay, Holly? I've got a question. Why is your city filled with air if you can't breathe it? Holly makes it clear that she thinks her new friends are genuine frogs. She also helpfully points out that no one can see clearly with a fishbowl over their heads. No kidding.

Mario is broken out of his block of cement and has the water pumped out of his lungs. Once Mario is breathing again, Holly makes it plain that she has the hots for him. Seems a fortune teller told her she'd marry a frog prince, and she thinks that's Mario. Mario responds with “Holy Mackerel,” and Holly corrects him by saying that her name is Holly Mackerel, not Holy Mackerel. This is actually the second time they've used this gag, but I didn't include the first instance because I was hoping we'd never hear it again. Of course, this being a Mario cartoon, they did use it again. Mario doesn't like freaky fish ladies, so he hops away and Holly chases after him. Mario hides among a bunch of statues, one of which Holly mistakes for her lovely frog, at least until she gets right up to it. Mario tries to let her down easy, then hops away towards the warp pipe. Problem is, as soon as he enters the water-filled pipe he starts flailing about and hops out again. Seems nearly drowning left him with a bit of a water phobia, which is understandable.

Outside, Koopa has pulled out a bullhorn and is shouting that he will destroy the city in twenty minutes unless they surrender. I'd like to point out that he is holding a bullhorn while on the bridge of a submarine which is underwater. I know water carries sound very well, but I don't think Koopa's threats would get through. Just then, King Mackerel appears on the scene, and upon recognizing Toadstool and the others, he promptly asks to be saved. Toadstool, Luigi and Toad hop in the warp pipe, but no matter what he tries, Mario's just too afraid to get wet. Suddenly, a pair of boomerang brothers pop out of the pipe and start throwing their boomerangs around. Toadstool announces that, “Koopa's invading Metropolis,” despite the fact that it clearly hasn't been twenty minutes yet. Also, I don't think two people count as an “invasion.” Mario defies physics by grabbing onto a boomerang as it sails past him and riding it back to the brother who threw it, knocking him out. More boomerang brothers show up, but Toad and Toadstool throw what I guess is supposed to be coral at them. The coral pieces are all in the shape of doughnuts, so they all go perfectly over the boomerang brothers' heads and pin their arms down. Mario and Luigi then hop over and knock them all down.

Despite the first wave not going so hot, Koopa threatens to keep on attacking. Realizing that he wouldn't be much help in the water, Toadstool decides to leave Mario behind and take everyone else to stop Koopa. Holly arrives and somehow mistakes the warp pipe for Mario. The king shows up and talks to Mario, showing that he can see just fine despite the fishbowl on his head. Holly then declares that she's going to marry Mario, picks up the poor sap, and carries him off.

Hip and Hop spot the good guys approaching, and Koopa fires off a series of nets at them. Oddly, they act like regular nets when they hit Toadstool and the others, but when the nets hit inanimate objects they flash yellow as if they're electrified. Inside the city, Holly announces that she's going to invite all of Mertropolis to her wedding. Wait, Mer-tropolis? That is not how you people have been pronouncing the word up until this point. You were all very clearly saying Metropolis. With Toadstool and the others caught in nets and dangling from the Doomsub's horns, we see Koopa observing Holly and Mario through a periscope. He responds by blowing a hole in the dome, causing water to spill in. As water begins to run down the streets, the people all run away fearing they'll drown. ... The what? You people breath water, not air. You can't drown! How do you people get through your day-to-day lives if you're literally too stupid to breathe? You know what Koopa? Destroy the city and everyone in it. You'll be doing us all a favour.

With things looking dire, Mario decides that he can't afford to be afraid anymore and hops into action. As “Never Kiss a Mermaid” plays, Mario fixes the hole in the dome, frees Toadstool and the others, and with Luigi's help, nets a swarm of jelectros and hurls them at the Doomsub. The sub gets a heavy dose of high voltage and swims away. Back in Mertropolis, (the king even calls it that so I'm going with that, plus it makes way more sense,) Holly puts a fishbowl on Mario's head as part of the wedding proceedings. However, as soon as she sees his distorted face in the bowl, she immediately proclaims him the ugliest thing she's ever seen and says she can't marry him. Mario then happily hops into the warp pipe with Toadstool and the others as they swim back to the surface.

\----

“Mush-Rumors” was not one of my favourite episodes growing up. Looking back on it it's very clear that there was a sale on idiot balls before filming began and every character but the Mario Brothers grabbed one. “The Ugly Mermaid” is even worse. There's a city in a dome filled with air under the water, but everyone who lives in it wears a fishbowl on their head because they can't breath air. By comparison “The Trojan Dragon” is a huge step up. In fact I'd say it's one of the better _Captain N_ episodes despite it having so much Simon in it. I don't hate Simon, but he can be super obnoxious sometimes. Of the main cast, Simon is perhaps the least like his game counterpart, but he makes up for that by having more personality than any other character on the N Team, so I have to give the writers credit for that.


	10. Cloud Atlas

**Up, Up, and a Koopa**

We start off at Toad's house during lunch. Toad gives Toadstool a bowl full of small light green spheres and Toadstool complains that it isn't the “healthy bran” she was expecting. Toad says he ran out and instead gave her “wholesome hay.” I don't think either of those things ever appear as small round balls. It doesn't come up again except for the (best) _Super Mario World_ episode, “Scoopa Koopa,” but Toadstool is a bit of a health nut. In case you're wondering, the Mario Brothers are eating pancakes. Suddenly, everything in the house floats up to the ceiling.

We cut to the Doomship flying around and zapping everything with with a ray: The Koopa Duper Raiser Upper™ as Koopa names it, while praising Kooky for his newest invention. They also have the ruler of Sky World, Emperor Ed, locked up in a cage. Although he's a Muhsroom person and not human, like the King of Sky Land was in the game. Also, now it's called Sky World, while in the game it was called Sky Land. Back on the ground, mushroom houses are being pulled up one after the other, including Toad's house. Toadstool looks out the window with the brothers, who are all standing on the floor now, apparently immune to the effects of the Koopa Duper Raiser Upper™ somehow. That's not a plot point, it's just a continuity error. Koopa is having such a good time that he decides to crank up the power on the Raiser Upper™ against Kooky's protests, which Koopa ignores. This causes the machine to overload, and the Doomship starts rocking back and forth. During the commotion, Ed's cage (which is lacking a bottom by-the-way) tips over and he falls out the window. As he falls he lands on a bed that is also falling down.

Back on the ground, everything falls back in the exact place it took off from and somehow nothing gets damaged in the fall. We see some people just continue with whatever they were doing as if they never left the ground. Ed lands the bed next to the good guys, then gets flung out of it by a busted spring, causing him to land right on Toad. Ed quickly tells everyone what's been going on and Mario decides the first thing to do is get Ed back to Sky World. The brothers begin smashing blocks, looking for leaves, while Toad and Toadstool begin tying down everything they can. After they find a pair of leaves, Luigi declares that they're the last two leaves in that part of the forest. How would he know that? Mario says that they can now stop Koopa, but we cut to the pair of them carrying Ed back to the Sky World castle. They drop off Ed and approach the Doomship just as the Raiser Upper™ begins working again.

The brothers fly in through an open window right into the Doomship's bridge. Koopa throws a switch and a cage drops down right on top of the two of them. This somehow deprives the brothers of their raccoon abilities. Koopa begins to gloat and says, “I know I've said this a zillion times before, but at last, this time for sure, [Princess Toadstool's] kingdom will be mine.” I'm going to win. The Raiser Upper™ begins lifting stuff up from the ground again, tearing right through the ropes Toadstool used. Mario tries bribing a nearby rocky wrench with a chocolate bar, but it doesn't work. Instead, the wrench throws a pair of wrenches into the cage, narrowly missing the brothers, then they boomerang right back to him.

At Toadstool's (still grounded) castle, the princess concludes that Mario and Luigi should have been back by now and that they are in trouble. Plus, you know, everything is still floating up into the sky. She mentions that there's a golden chest hidden in the castle that contains a pair of golden wings. The treasure is supposed to be hidden inside the “secret chamber inside the hidden room at the end of the unknown tunnel.” And they have to find it in a room filled with junk, because apparently Toadstool never throws anything away. Toad calls her out on this, calling her a “secret slob.” Toadstool replies, “You can't expect me to rule a kingdom and have time to take out the garbage too.” Does she not have people to take out the trash for her? The room starts to shake and suddenly all the junk moves out of the way revealing a door. Not sure why everything moved, because if it was Koopa's ray everything would be floating. Toad remarks “The secret room!” Toadstool corrects him saying “It's the hidden chamber.” Wait, I thought it was the secret chamber inside the hidden room? And I don't think we ever saw a tunnel either. You know what? I think Toadstool just forgot where she put the box and is making up all this stuff to sound important. Apparently trying to find anything in this mess qualifies as an epic quest. They open the chest and find a pair of P-wings. They're not gold or anything, just regular P-wings.

A moment later the pair are off flying with raccoon powers, but with Ps on their chests. Yeah, in the games you had to get a running start with the raccoon powers to temporarily fly, but with a P-wing equipped you could do it anytime for as long as you want. In the show I don't really see a difference between the two since they both allow for unlimited flight. The pair exchange a fourth wall joke, then we cut to the Doomship, where Mario exclaims it's “curtains for Mushroom Land,” as a pair of curtains fly by. Luigi adds “and venetian blinds too,” as a pair of venetian blinds float past. This episode is filled with puns, be thankful I'm not repeating them all here. Koopa approaches Sky Land and claims that he's in charge now. Hold up, until now you were calling it “Sky World” but now its “Sky Land”? Make up your mind guys! Koopa gets into an argument with Ed as both of them bellow at each other with megaphones while the commoners say they'll never give in.

We get our montage for the episode, which consists of shots of the Raiser Upper™ causing general havoc set to the tune “What Goes Up May Never Come Down.” By the time the song is done the citizens of Sky World Land are waving the white flag. Inside the Doomship, Toad and Toadstool arrive and Toad hooks a giant magnet on a pole in the ceiling. Where Toad got the magnet I don't know. The magnet attracts a rocky wrench's wrenches while he's still holding them and the poor guy is left dangling from the magnet. Why he doesn't let go of his wrenches is beyond me. Toadstool opens the door to the cage with a key she pulls out of thin air. With everyone free, they grab the Raiser Upper™ and go back to Toad's house, which, like everything else, is floating in the sky. Mario turns the machine on the Doomship and sends it flying horizontally back to “Koopa Kingdom.” No guys, it's called “Dark Land,” can't you keep anything consistent? They use the machine to put everything back on the ground and we resume the meal we started off, with Luigi stuffing himself full of pancakes in an effort to become too heavy to float in case this ever happens again.

**Once Upon a Time Machine**

It's picnic time on Hyrule. Kevin, Lana, Link and Zelda have decided to take a break from their usual shenanigans and have a picnic. Duke is also there. I usually don't bother mentioning Duke because he usually doesn't do anything. This is also the last of the four episodes that feature Link and Zelda, so enjoy them while you can. Before they can even set up shop, Link points out a swarm of bee-like creatures that he identifies as “boons.” The bugs grab picnic supplies as the would-be-picnicers fight them off, though Duke ends up in the river. Kevin catches a cake that had been dropped by a boon and then spins his zapper around his finger in a flashy manner. Something that is impossible to do because the zapper has no trigger guard. Although, looking closely I can see that in this shot Kevin's zapper DOES have a trigger guard. Has Kevin's zapper always had that? Let me check... Geez, [ I guess it always has had that guard](http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/nintenshows/images/c/c3/Captain_N_nes_Zapper.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150228181626). I have watched this show since I was four and in all those years I have never noticed that. Guess you learn something new every day.

This whole ordeal with the invading insects is observed by a pair of figures hiding in the bushes. They identify themselves as Count Gruemon, a fat, well-dressed pig, and Dr. Gari-gari, an equally well dressed wolf. They have tracked a power source to this location and plan to make off with it. Oh, and they have a time machine. Apparently they want to use the power pad as a power source for the time machine. A boon grabs Link's sword and he does an impressive move where he spins on a tree branch and kicks the boon in mid-air. Kevin wants to show Link up and proceeds to do the dumbest thing he's ever done in his life. He takes off his belt, the one that holds his power pad and zapper, and he throws it to the ground. Kevin swings on a vine and tries to mimic Link's move, but winds up with a picnic basket on his head.

Guess what happens next. If you guessed “the pig runs off with the power pad and zapper” then congratulations! You have a functioning brain. Gruemon runs into the time machine and takes off. The [time machine](http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/time_machine.png) by the way, reminds me of the [sharkticons](http://animationx.rubberslug.com/gallery/img_b.aspx?ImageID=135221&Pass=) from _Transformers The Movie._ Am I crazy? The time machine flies off, flapping its bat-shaped wings, as Kevin and the others look on. They watch as it flies into a warp zone inside a giant-sized tree stump. Link, Kevin and Duke dive in, while Zelda and Lana wait behind. The boys come out the other end of the warp zone, which is an old fashioned well. A well that the time machine could never fit through, I might add. Turns out they've arrived in the wild west, so the first thing they do is head into the saloon.

Kevin walks up to a big guy and says, “I know this sounds weird, but have you seen any animals dressed in clothes?” Kevin somehow failed to notice that everyone in the saloon is an animal wearing clothes. The bull he talked to doesn't like being called weird either. A nearby cat talks down the bull and the two get back to the deal they were making before Kevin showed up. Seems the cat wants a map the bull has. Before anything can happen though, a pitchfork gets thrown into the table and pair of cats announce their presence. One of them is a big fat cat and the other is a short skinny one. They address the first cat as Pero. In case you don't have an encyclopedic knowledge of the NES library, the game that this episode is based off is called _[Puss'n Boots: Pero's Great Adventure](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gW0dSvriJ9A)_. We'll get to the game's backstory in a little bit. Pero snatches the map from the bull, but is caught in a lasso thrown by the fat cat. Kevin then calls the cats into a duel, forgetting he doesn't have his zapper. Little cat then shoots up the saloon with a slingshot and Link has to save Kevin from a pair of wolves. He does this by swinging on a rope he tied to a chandelier. In an unnaturally long swing, he also grabs Pero, as they fly out a window and into a bale of hay being pulled by a horse, which then drives off. It's not a humanoid horse, just a regular one. Oh, and Duke runs after them. Little cat stomps on his hat and makes mention of their boss as the time machine from earlier approaches.

We join Pero, Kevin and the others, as Pero explains what's going on. Seems he saved a mouse from Dr. Gruemon's henchcats and got thrown back in time for his trouble. Now he's trying to get back home and the map he just “acquired” is going to lead him home. This is almost exactly the plot to the actual game. That game is actually a sequel to to another NES game which is based of the film _[The Wonderful World Puss N' Boots,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhqoj0TAM1I)_ which itself borrows the plot to the film _[Around the World in 80 Days](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Around_the_World_in_80_Days_\(1956_film\))_ which is, of course, based off _[the Jules Verne book](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Around_the_World_in_Eighty_Days)_. So this cartoon features content from a video game, that's a sequel to another video game, that's based off a film, which is based off a different film, which is based off a book.

The map Pero took shows the locations of various time warps, which are different from typical warp zones, as they take you through time and not to a different video game. Despite this, people still occasionally refer to these warps as warp zones. Seeing as Count Gruemon is coming after Pero, Kevin agrees to help Pero get home so he can confront the count. Just then, the time machine appears overhead and starts dropping bombs. The gang make a break for a glade of trees, dismount from the cart, and hop through.

On the other end of the warp, the gang ends up on a pirate ship. The ship is filled with ferrets, or possibly mongeese. The captain is a snake with an eye-patch and a hook. The hook's on the end of his tail in case you were wondering. He identifies himself as Long John Slither and is about to keelhaul everyone before Pero says that his map leads to treasure. A note about the map, every time we look at it, it's just a bunch of dots connected together. I have no idea how anyone would begin reading it. Inside the time machine, Count Gruemon is watching Pero through time on his TV and warps back after him. After that, he sends his two henchcats down to the ship. The fat cat throws a bar of soap in front of the captain and Slither manages to slip on it despite not having legs. When he gets up, the two cats claim that Pero and crew had thrown the soap, causing the captain to resume the keelhauling he postponed earlier.

Pero swings from a rope, grabs the map, and climbs up the mast. When the rest of the pirate crew climbs up after him Pero cuts the ropes and they all fall in the ocean. Link uses one of the pirate's swords to cut apart the henchcat's disguises. Didn't even notice they were dressed as ferrets to tell you the truth. Or mongeese, or whatever. A sword duel erupts with Kevin bringing a mop to the fight. He also momentarily re-acquires his power pad due to an animation error. Kevin falls on his rear, but Duke rolls a cannonball over to him. Kevin uses it like a bowling ball and knocks over a stack of barrels. Said barrels roll over and knock the two henchcats overboard. Count Gruemon observes this through a periscope and fires torpedoes at the ship. Oh, did I mention the time machine was underwater? That's because the show didn't either until they start firing the torpedoes. The torpedoes hit the ship and explode, sending the good guys through the air until they land on an upside-down rowboat. The henchcats are somehow blown backward and land on the periscope. Gruemon is about to fire another torpedo, when a giant mechanical frog appears out of nowhere and scares them off. No explanation is given as to why there was a giant mechanical frog. I mean, I know it's a boss in the game, but it still pops up out of nowhere. Kevin and the others wash up on the island they were heading to anyway, then they hop through another time portal.

On the other side of that portal is the inside of a clock. Big Ben Tower to be precise. It chimes the hour and everyone runs for the exit as they almost get crushed by the clock parts. Also, Pero had been wearing a cowboy hat up until this point, but as soon as he went through this particular portal he was suddenly wearing a hunting cap. Pero decides the fastest way to travel is to commandeer an airplane. The henchcats are also present, disguised as a pair of royal guards who are ducks. Don't know how they got there ahead of everyone else.

At the airport, and by airport I mean barn, Pero and the rest take off in an old-school biplane. As the time machine closes in on the biplane, we get our montage for the episode set to “Dangerous Place,” which is a sound-alike of the Kenny Logins classic “Danger Zone.” During the song the two henchcats get blown up by an explosive and fall out of the time machine, only to land safely in someone's laundry as it hangs on the line. Kevin also jumps onto the time machine's landing gear, but he loses his grip and has to be caught by the plane before he splatters on the ground. After that's done, the plane arrives at the time warp and Pero insists they have to fly the plane in sideways despite the portal being perfectly round. Gruemon fires a heat seeking missile that hits the biplane. Before the plane even has time to crash he decides to warp out of there and celebrate. Pero is able to steer the plane through the portal, a portal which is more than twice as wide across as the airplane, showing how stupid the line about going in sideways was.

After emerging from the portal, the plane smashes through a billboard and Kevin identifies the area as 1920's New York. Then they fly into the Empire State Building. They don't crash, they just go in one window and come out through another window on the the other side. According to the map, the warp Pero needs to get back home is on the Statue of Liberty's torch. Apparently the plane crashing is no longer an issue as they are able to fly perfectly fine at this point. Gruemon's time machine is also parked on Liberty's crown for plot convenience. Inside Liberty's head, Gruemon and the rest are toasting Pero's demise. I'd like to point out that the henchcats are here despite them being left behind in the previous time period. In the middle of the celebrating the biplane crashes into the window. Pero now changes clothes to a suit and hat. Kevin and company run past the baddies and up the stairs to the roof. Dr. Gari-gari mentions a hungry python and presses a button. We don't see a python, but we are treated to a shot of a sea monster rising out of the water. The sea monster, who is wearing a crown for some reason, coils around the Statue of Liberty just as Kevin and the others are about to reach the time machine.

Link uses his sword to shoot a laser at the serpent, but it does nothing. Pero ditches his new friends and grabs a rope that Kevin had been carrying. He ropes it around Liberty's torch and is about to enter the time portal when Dr. Gari-gari uses a laser in his walking stick to blow it up. Pero runs past everyone, hops aboard the time machine and takes off. All four bad guys leap onto the landing gear as Pero flies off. Kevin uses the rope to swing onto the serpent's back and plans to- actually I have no idea what he plans to do. Before Pero can leave his new friends behind, he has a pang of remorse, rips out the power pad from a slot in the time machine, and tosses it and the zapper to Kevin. Pero also gives the advice that a yellow diamond on the serpent's back is his only weak point. So how did Pero know that? Luckily Kevin can very plainly see the diamond from where he is so he shoots it, killing the serpent in one shot. As the time machine warps away, a piece of the map is left behind that floats over to Kevin and Link.

In the middle of a desert somewhere, the time machine reappears and crashes into a tree. A very big tree. Pero pops out of the wreckage with the map and still intends to get home, mentioning stops to King Arthur's Court and the Ice Age along the way. Gruemon is ticked and swears he'll get Pero. Not sure why Pero didn't use the time machine to go straight home. Maybe without the power pad it only had enough energy to get him part way there?

Back on Hyrule, Lana and Zelda have decided to stop waiting around and have called the rest of the N Team. Simon tries tracking footprints with a magnifying glass. Of course, since this is Simon, he isn't following Kevin's prints. No, these are moblin prints, and he follows them right to the owner. Kevin arrives to save Simon using a fruit of some kind that he dribbles like a basketball. I know it's a fruit because he throws it at the moblin and it smashes like a fruit. Fruit that you can dribble but it shatters when you throw it at someone: Does not compute. Simon asks why Kevin didn't use his zapper, but after everything that happened Kevin has learned not to rely too much on his zapper and power pad, because it may not always be there. Although the reason he lost them in the first place was because he thought he didn't need them and threw them away, so I'm not sure what the lesson here is supposed to be.

**7 Continents for 7 Koopas**

Toadstool, Mario, Luigi and Toad are dressed in swimwear and ready to take a dip in a lake. Well, actually Mario and Luigi are wearing frog suits, but the idea's still there. Toadstool remarks that there isn't a cloud in the sky, but Luigi points out one saying it's the darkest cloud he's ever seen. The “cloud” in question turns out to be the Doomship, spewing tons of perfectly white smoke. So Luigi obviously has never seen a cloud any darker than absolutely white. All four of them dive into the lake to avoid being spotted.

On board the Doomship, the whole place is filled with grey smoke. Kooky calls his dad on a video phone and tells him the radiator is overheated. I think Koopa is supposed to be on the bridge and Kooky in the engine room. In order to cool down the engine they drop a big tube into the lake below. As the hose creates enormous suction everyone in the water grabs hold of something to avoid being slurped up. Toadstool however can't hold on and gets vacuumed up the hose. As the water cools down the engine, Kootie Pie remarks that the steam ruined her mascara. In the water below, Toad notes that Toadstool has been kidnapped by accident. I'd make a snide comment about how frequently Toadstool gets kidnapped, but in truth this is the first time she's been abducted alone and not caught at the same time as someone else.

Inside the Doomship, Toadstool crawls out of the machinery, which apparently didn't chew her up, and wrings out her crown. So I guess it's not made of metal then? Maybe it's her swim crown. She runs to the bridge and eavesdrops next to the door as Koopa steers the Doomship through a big ol' warp pipe high above the ground and heads into the “Real World.” Kooky then pulls a lever on the Doomship's console and launches a device he calls the Koopa Klogger™ into the air. The Koopa Klogger™ is a big round ball with antennae on it that shoot out blue rays in many directions. According to Kooky, it will block up every warp pipe in the Mushroom Kingdom. In said Mushroom Kingdom, Mario, Luigi and Toad are about to fly in through the warp pipe the Doomship just went through, when the pipe is blocked by what looks like a giant bubble. Though they find it's very solid when they all smash into it, loose their powers, and fall to the ground.

Back on the Doomship, everyone is ecstatic that the Mario Brothers aren't going to be able to stop their plans for once. Koopa pulls up a map of the “Real World” and announces his plot. Earth has seven continents, he has seven kids, ergo he's giving one continent to each of them to do whatever they want. Koopa gives out continents and all seven kids jump off the edge of the Doomship and parachute to their destination. Somehow. The break-down goes as follows: Bully gets Asia, Cheatsy gets Australia, Kootie Pie gets Europe, Kooky gets Africa, Big Mouth gets Antarctica, Hip gets North America and Hop gets South America. Once that's done we see Toadstool still spying at the only door to the room. Apparently none of the kids saw her on the way out. Toadstool sneaks in to turn off the Koopa Klogger™ by pulling the lever that Kooky pulled, but as soon as she touches the lever an alarm is raised and two para-goombas and a bob-omb appear out of nowhere. And Koopa, not being deaf, is alerted to her presence. A chain chop then wraps up Toadstool in its chain.

In the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario and company have re-acquired racoon powers and have a giant plunger attached to the bubble. I don't know where one goes to get a giant plunger. They pull on the plunger while floating there, but the plunger comes loose and they fly backwards, crash to the ground and loose their powers. Again.

Toadstool tells Koopa that “Nastier villains than you have failed to conquer the “Real World.”” This prompts Koopa to check in on his spawn and see how they are doing. Bully is busy spray painting a wall. Koopa is none too impressed until Bully reveals that the wall is actually the Great Wall of China. In Africa, Kooky has used his magic wand (all of the kids have magic wands by the way,) to turn all of the animals into stuffed animals. That's more demented than evil, but whatever. In Australia, Cheatsy has turned all of the humans into kangaroos, except one. He's been turned into a shrimp and is being chased by crocodiles that want to throw him on a barby. Bigmouth isn't especially upset about getting the lousiest continent of them all, and has just finished building a giant snowman. He then brings it to life with his wand and uses it to subjugate all the penguins, who are all wearing bow-ties oddly enough. In Europe, Kootie Pie has used her magic to change all the statues and paintings to look like her. In North America, Hip has commandeered the airwaves and is holding a telethon. He won't get off the air until everyone gives him all of their money. One continent to the south, Hop has used his magic to pave paradise and put up a parking lot. Literally. He turned the Amazon Rainforest into a parking lot.

Toadstool decides she has to do something, so she taunts the bob-omb guarding her until it lights its fuse. This causes her other captors to run away, including the chain chomp that has her tied up. Not sure how Koopa doesn't notice this, considering he's in the same room. Now free, Toadstool grabs the bob-omb, runs outside and hurls it into the Koopa Klogger™ which gets destroyed by the explosion. Oddly enough, a parachute is among the Koopa Klogger™ wreckage and Toadstool uses it to escape the Doomship. Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, the bubble disappears and the other three hop on some para-beetles, who were circling the pipe for some reason, and fly through into the “Real World.”

We then get our montage for the episode. The tune “I'm a Hurricane” plays in the background, (the complete version this time, probably my fave song in the show,) and we see our heroes stopping the Koopa Kids' plans one by one. Well, Mario, Luigi and Toadstool stop the Koopas. Toad doesn't do crap. The montage consists of one of the three grabbing the wand from the Koopa Kids and using it to undo their magic. In Bully's case however Mario uses the wand to turn the Great Wall of China into a dragon. Pretty sure that's going to cause more problems than the graffiti would. After the song is done, all the kids rush to the Doomship, dog-pile their dad and scurry back home. Mario and Luigi thank Toadstool for saving every continent on Earth, but she says that it's the least she could do after they've saved the Mushroom Kingdom so many times.

\----

“Up, Up and a Koopa” is pretty standard, but enjoyable, Mario fair. No major points are scored for or against it, though I think it has the most puns of any episode, which is not an easy thing to accomplish. “Once Upon a Time Machine” actually gives a lot of screen time to guest-star Pero, who's quest to get home resonates with the viewer more that Kevin's attempt to retrieve his power pad that he lost through pure stupidity. At least that's how it felt to me. Despite how easily the Koopa Kids “take over” entire continents, “Seven Continents For Seven Koopas” is one of the best episodes of the show. Perhaps it's just because we get to see all seven kids create their own brand of havoc. It's also nice to see Toadstool be the hero for a change, and the montage at the end of the episode is one of the highlights of the series.


	11. Super Soaker

According to many sources, “Super Koopa” is the final episode of _The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ to be broadcast. While the episode feels like a finale in several ways, it is not the final episode as I have them on my tapes. By a similar token, “Germ Wars” is often said to be the last episode of _Captain N_ Season 2, unless you count the clip show, “When Mother Brain Rules.” I suspect the order of the episodes may have been changed when the two shows were combined together.

**The Venice Menace**

The gang are taking a leisurely stroll through the middle of Desert Land. Why? Who knows? Suddenly a gondola comes sailing through a warp pipe suspended in the air and crashes to the ground. Said gondola is a pizza delivery gondola from Venice. The pizza guy promptly starts freaking out, shouting about a sea monster attacking Venice. He also shouts a bunch of Italian names at random points and Luigi remarks that “It's nice to hear someone speak his native tongue.” Luigi, you don't even have an Italian accent. Mario states that Venice is his second favourite city, then goes on about how he feels an indescribable attraction to the city. Mario grabs a couple of frog suits out of a chest that Toad was carrying. Why was Toad carrying a chest full of frog suits when they were in the middle of the desert?

In the water somewhere, we see Koopa and his Doomsub making its second and final appearance in the series. He gloats to Kootie Pie about how he has fishy minions guarding the warp pipe to Venice. Their plan this time is to scare everyone out of Venice, then warp it back to Dark Land so Kootie Pie can have her own water park. The sub then goes through what must be a giant warp pipe to Venice. But, that doesn't make any sense. According to the pizza delivery guy the monster was already IN Venice, so how could they just be arriving now? Mario and Luigi approach the warp pipe and are ambushed by the very same minions Koopa had just finished talking about. I don't know why they don't use the warp pipe the pizza delivery guy came through. Mario grabs a piece of coral shaped like a donut and throws it over top a cheep cheep, thus immobilizing it. Then he does the same thing again with about a dozen other baddies. With that taken care of, the brothers quip about underwater horseshoes for longer than is necessary before going through the pipe.

A short while later, the brothers are in a boat, disguised as gondoliers, when Mario starts on again about how something in Venice seems to be calling out to him. The Doomsub pops out of the water directly in front of them and the brothers begin rowing away from the sub. Inside the sub, Kootie Pie threatens to throw a tantrum if the Mario Brothers stop her from getting her amusement park. Yeah, what else is new?

Mario and Luigi come across a speedboat and quickly switch rides. We get a montage set to “The Doomsub's Getting Closer” as a high speed chase ensues through the canals of Venice and through a wedding cake. The sub gets blinded as it catches laundry lines on its head and is about to crash into the shore, right where the brothers have parked their boat. They grab a pair of poles sticking out of the water and use them to pole vault out of the way. I'd like to point out that doing this took far longer that simply walking out of the way would have. The sub's head smashes into the shore, gets a ring of stars spinning about its head, and goes underwater. On the inside of the sub, Koopa has his back to the door trying to keep water from coming in. Kootie Pie arrives with an “emergency welding kit,” which is actually a really small fire brother that fits in your hand. After Kootie Pie welds the door shut Koopa tries to step away, but he discovers that his shell has been welded to the door.

That night, Koopa and Kootie Pie are walking down the street and just happen to see the Mario Brothers standing on a balcony talking. Gee, what are the odds? Luigi thinks they should have gone back to the Mushroom Kingdom already, but Mario insists they stay until they find what it is that “draws us to Venice.” Note that he uses “us,” even though Luigi hasn't expressed any strange attraction to the city. We cut to a bunch of chain chomps eating through the supports that hold the building up, and the building sinks to the bottom. Luigi does as double take after looking out a window and seeing fish, while Mario hears a knock at the door, opens it, and lets all the water in. A hammer brother and a boom-boom, both wearing scuba tanks, attack the two plumbers. Koopa sees this and immediately declares the brothers taken care of. See, this is why you always lose buddy, you never stick around to make sure they're actually stopped. While the brothers are busy, chain chomps and cheep cheeps begin smashing the supports for all the other buildings and sinking them as well. The brothers swim into a dresser, but are followed inside by their pursuers. They then exit the dresser wearing frog suits and close the door on the boom-boom and hammer bros, who are now trapped inside, somehow.

The brothers swim into one of the open holes on the Doomsub and make their way inside. Kootie Pie starts whining at her dad that she wants to warp Venice back home now so she can start rubbing her new water park in her brothers' faces. Mario appears and taunts the pair, causing them to chase him down a hallway. Luigi pops out of his hiding place and finds something called a “recall lever.” After pulling it we see the chain chomps outside start to flash as though they had been hit by electricity, before vanishing. Koopa and Kootie Pie have chased Mario into the engine room and Kootie Pie hits a switch turning on the engine, even though the engine would have had to have been on the entire time since they're moving. Mario stands on top of a note block as a large amount of steam builds up behind it. Not sure why there's a note block plugging up the engine like this, but when the pressure builds up the block goes flying past the father/daughter duo, with Mario riding on it. He rides it all the way to the control room where he reunites with Luigi. Mario pulls a random lever and the two hop out. They swim back into the water as the Doomsub becomes engulfed in electricity and disappears, warping to Desert Land even though it never went anywhere near a warp pipe. Kootie Pie does what she does best, she starts bawling and pounding her fists on the ground.

Back in Venice, the brothers are getting a gondola ride from the pizza man they met earlier. Toad and Toadstool are also in the boat. Not sure how they got there. The gondola guy then points out a statue that depicts two figures that look just like Mario and Luigi. He says they were Marco Polo's plumbers, who brought plumbing back from China. Toadstool deduces that they must be ancestors of the Mario Brothers. So yeah, that's the strange force that Mario's been talking about the whole time. And as to the plumbing bit? The Roman empire had the most advanced plumbing system in the ancient world and that was long before Marco Polo. So there, I've just proven that a Saturday morning kids show from the 80s was historically inaccurate.

**I Wish I Was A Wombatman**

We open up on a shot of a glitzy city with buildings that are vaguely mushroom shaped. We get some narration that names the city Marblopolis, and says that it's a giant TV studio. In case you can't tell, and it's not even that obvious if you watch the episode, this world is actually based off of _[Marble Madness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvlbZwoWMgA)_. How they turn a game about marbles into a TV studio world is beyond me. And no, there are no wombats in _Marble Madness._ A caped figure swoops by on a rope. This is Wombatman, and Kid Icarus is watching him on the TV back in the Palace of Power. Wombatman says a little speech, which I think is supposed to be his catch-phrase, and Kid Icarus says the line at the same time as Wombatman. At least he starts to, but he quickly falls behind, making it sound like he's not entirely sure what the line even is. I should mention that Kid Icarus is wearing a Wombatman style mask and cape. On TV, Wombatman fights a tree monster and Kid Icarus plays along, kicking a lamp or something and breaking it. Wombatman uses his grapple hook to swing and Kid Icarus imitates that using and arrow with a rope on the end of it, somehow managing to get his foot tangled in the rope in the process. Simon walks in carrying a glass of milk and some food just in time for Kid Icarus to land on top of him.

Somehow this alerts everyone else in the palace and they come running into the room. Kid Icarus explains that he was just imitating his hero, which causes Simon to say, “What could you possibly see in a hairy rodent who flits around in purple underwear?” I point this out because in the Season 1 episode “The Most Dangerous Game Master,” we see [ Simon watching TV](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgCztFU5J5M) and exclaiming, “Oh, my favourite! Wombatman!” So that's an early bird cameo and an inconsistency at the same time. On the TV, Wombatman starts fighting a robot who's face is designed so it looks like its tongue is perpetually sticking out. It also has the same eyes as Kraang's robot body in _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles._ Said robot attacks the TV crew, who, in an act of unprofessionalism, are on camera. One of the cameras gets destroyed, and the director, an octopus creature with one big eye, starts yelling at the robot. Oh, did I mention this show was broadcast live? Not sure why a superhero action show is broadcast live, what with all the stunt-work and effects. If someone falls and breaks their neck do they try and work it into the script?

In the studio world, the N Team arrives in that flying vehicle they used back in “Game Boy” and “Trouble With Tetris.” They land it, and run down the inside of the building to the ground floor, where they see Wombatman flying through the air after getting punched. Then Wombatman explodes. Kid Icarus is at first crushed that his hero is dead, then slightly less crushed when he realizes it's just a robot. See, he's upset that Wombatman doesn't do his own stunts. By now the robot has the director and a female octopus in in his hand, though said octopi are inside a vehicle of some kind. Game Boy scans the robot and finds its “control box,” while Kid Icarus uses a buzz-saw arrow to cut a hole in the robot's outer shell. Kevin shoots his zapper through the hole and the robot explodes. The ship the director was in is going to crash to the ground, but Mega Man catches it. The female octopus, who has two eyes by the way, jumps into Simon's arms and wraps her tentacles around him.

A short while later, the N Team are inside Wombatman's penthouse. Wombatman signs Kid Icarus' photo of him, but the kid is still bummed after learning that Wombatman doesn't do any of his own stunts. Seems he used to, but since he hit it big he's stopped doing that sort of thing. Judging by the way the rest of the episode treats it, I also think Wombatman is the guy's actual name. Wombatman changes out of the bathrobe he's wearing and into his costume, then he leaves for an appointment. Kevin tries to cheer Kid Icarus up, but only has limited success. They then decide to go on a studio tour.

And now we cut to Mother Brain. Been a while since we've seen her hasn't it? According to her, she's taken over all of Marblopolis' computer systems. It turns out Momma B was the one who sabotaged the robot to go crazy to act as bait for the N Team. Oh, Wombatman's also in the room with her. Seems Mother Brain has kidnapped Nikki. Who's Nikki? She's Wombatman's girlfriend, and based on that scene from "The Most Dangerous Game Master" she's apparently also an actor. Wombatman made a deal with Mother Brain. Nikki would get released after Wombatman helped lure the N Team to Marblopolis. Of course, since she's evil, Momma B reneges on her deal. As she tells off Wombatman she pulls a big lever that turns on the laser bars in Nikki's cage, singeing Wombatman's butt in the process. Nikki, by the way, isn't a wombat. She looks human, except that the bottom of her nose is all black, making it look like she has a dog nose or something. Mother Brain pulls the same lever again and a monitor turns on observing the N Team.

The N Team are riding a vehicle that is basically three giant marbles hooked together like a train. Every vehicle in this world is marble based. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo arrive and fool with the controls on the ride. The N Team are riding through a re-enactment of Dragon's Den when a replica of Dragonlord appears and breaths fire at them. Their ride catches fire and they all bail out as it goes off the rails and over a cliff. Hippo berates Eggplant Wizard by bopping him on the head and they go back to fiddling with the system. By this point the N Team has wandered into the Kongoland part of the tour and are attacked by a robotic version of Donkey Kong, who does what DK does best, hurl barrels at people. Kevin zaps a few of them out of the air and they run off as DK knocks over his entire barrel stack in frustration.

Back at Mother Brain's place, she is of course berating Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. Momma B insists that Wombatman help her destroy the N Team and threatens Nikki to get him to co-operate. Just a reminder, Nikki's cage has laser bars, but she's also tied up with her arms above her head. Not sure you need to do both. Then Mother Brain pulls the same lever she's used before and drops the floor out of Nikki's cage. At the same times a warp filled with lava appears under her. Overdoing it much? Wombatman agrees to use his TV show to destroy the N Team.

By Wombatman's pool, Kid Icarus manages to crash into the water while flying about. He wants Wombatman to do a few of his old tricks, but the old guy isn't having any of that. Kid Icarus calls him chicken and Wombatman gets so upset he kicks over a table and storms off.

Back at Mother Brain's place, Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo wheel out a giant black marble they plan to use to destroy the N Team. Mother Brain pulls the same lever she's been pulling all episode, making the marble use a vacuum to suck up Eggplant Wizard and a giant magnet to suck up King Hippo. That last part wasn't a typo, the magnet very clearly sucks up Hippo, with flowing air and everything. By this point Wombatman has had enough and kicks over Mother Brain's tank. Then he beats up Hippo and Eggplant Wizard. Mother Brain, who has gotten back up off-camera, notices a figure in the corner of the room and grabs it with a tentacle. It turns out to be the real Wombatman. She also grabs the other Wombatman and uses an electric shock to make it explode, proving it's just a robot after all.

A while later, the N Team is getting ready to appear on Wombatman's TV show. The director tells Kid Icarus and Wombatman that they aren't needed till the last scene and then asks for the “alien spaceship” to be wheeled in, which is of course the black marble from before. The director calls "action!" and Simon wraps his whip around a floating set of traffic lights. The death marble sprays the traffic lights with oil and Simon's whip comes loose, causing him to fall. There is a commercial break right here and my VHS tape got recorded over one day when I was watching it. While attempting to fast forward the tape I accidentally hit record and ended up recording a Simpson's music video for a few minutes. The song is called [”Deep Deep Trouble”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPpFOvaZ4Sk) and replaced a small chunk of the show, mostly because I panicked and had no idea how to stop the tape from recording. In the actual show, Mega Man runs over and catches Simon. The death ball's magnet appears and sucks the two up, then the vacuum appears and sucks up Lana. Kevin, Game Boy and Duke are then cued to appear, while Kid Icarus watches all this on TV. Because of course this is broadcast live. Which is still a terrible idea. Kid Icarus is worried, but Wombatman tells him they're just acting. The death ball traps Kevin and Duke in some sticky black tar, then uses some kind of cables to drain power from both Game Boy and Kevin's zapper. Now that the N Team is taken care of, the death ball grabs everyone it hasn't already, tucks them inside and rolls off.

At Wombatman's place, Kid Icarus tries to convince Wombatman to help him rescue his friends, but Wombatman insists that he's not a hero, he just plays one on TV. Wombatman does come clean about his involvement in the whole affair, but Kid Icarus still has faith in his hero. Eventually Wombatman realizes just how much Kid Icarus believes in him and decides to give being a hero a try. He pushes a button and the Wombatmbolie appears from underneath the pool. The Wombatmobile, in case you haven't already guessed, is a giant marble with Wombatman's face on it. It also has a cape in back. This leads us into our montage for the episode, which is Wombatman's theme song. Not unlike the 1960s Batman theme, it's just “Wombatman” repeated over and over again. During the song the apir catch up to the death ball as it sprays acid at them, and it's about here that my VHS tape resumes. The Wombatmobile deflects the acid with a propeller, but the acid eats away the road. The “road,” being a half-pipe suspended high above the ground, so the Wombatmobile stops, unable to go any further, unless Wombatman wants to fall seventy stories.

The death ball enters Mother Brain's place and Kid Icarus fires an arrow to hold the door open behind it. Wombatman is hesitant about swinging on a rope through the opening, but Kid Icarus is able to convince him that he can do it, so he does. I'd like to point out that Kid Icarus can fly and didn't need to hold onto Wombatman as he was swinging. Once inside, Wombatman pushes a button on his belt and it fires a pair of tiny tiny rockets that explode the computer and releases Nikki, and also causes the death ball to open up, releasing the N Team. So he had tiny little rockets in his belt and he only decides to use them now? He could have saved the day a long time ago just by pressing one button! That doesn't take courage, it just takes an index finger. Nikki fawns over Wombatman for a brief moment, Mega Man easily picks up Mother Brain, who had King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard riding on her tank, and throws the lot out the door once Wombatman opens it. They don't fall to their deaths or anything, they just slide down the half-pipe road thingy.

With the day saved, the octopus director appears and tells them that they got the whole thing on tape. Sure, why not? He also insists Kid Icarus become Wombatman's sidekick, but the kid turns him down. Then the female octopus arrives and chases after Simon.

**Super Koopa**

We begin in Kastle Koopa, specifically, Kooky's lab, where he is being assisted by Hip and Hop. Kooky has just finished building a magic pendant, using science. Said pendant looks sort of like a solid gold acorn. Koopa walks in and is pleased with the results, but there's a hitch. Said pendant only works in the “Real World.” Koopa sees this as a good thing, since none of the Mario's power-ups exist in the “Real World.” After all, when was the last time you saw a fire flower growing in someone's lawn? So, Koopa plans to lure the Mario's to the “Real World” and finally beat them using the pendant's power to, well, no one has actually said what the pendant does yet, but we'll see soon enough.

Toadstool, Mario, Luigi and Toad are walking along, not doing anything, when Koopa's Doomship appears out of nowhere, casting a dark shadow. Koopa lassos Luigi and drags him in the air till he's dangling over a warp pipe. Koopa slides down the rope and jumps into said warp pipe with Luigi and Mario hops in after them. Toad is about to follow after them, but Toadstool stops him. She tells him to stay behind, causing Toad to complain that he always stays behind. Let me check something... yeah. Toad has never been left behind against his will at any point in the show. Toadstool just tells him that she has her reasons for this decision, without bothering to tell Toad what they are, then she hops down the warp pipe after the others.

Mario and Toadstool climb out a manhole cover and conclude that they are in Paris, France. The Eiffel Tower in the background is kind of a dead giveaway. They spot Koopa running with Luigi tucked under his arm, but the big reptile lets him go. He then pulls out the pendant and fires a bright light at a hydrant. He then kicks it over and besides all the water, a leaf pops out, which he immediately grabs and uses to transform into raccoon Koopa. Yeah, that's what the pendant does, it give him access to the same power-ups the Mario brothers use, anytime he wants. This episode heavily implies that Koopa can't use power-ups back home. First thing Koopa does with his power is swoop down and grab Toadstool, before flying to the top of the Eiffel Tower and tying her up with some rope.

Mario and Luigi fly up after them in a helicopter that they got from I-don't-know-where. Worse, both of the brothers are standing by the side door and neither one is flying the thing. Koopa flies over and whacks the thing with his tail causing it to crash in the water. The helicopter is in the water less than a second when a submarine surfaces right below it and the sub's captain crawls out the top hatch. Koopa swoops down and uses the pendant on a box, then smashes it to attain a frog suit. By this point everyone else is inside the sub looking at the sonar screen. Koopa kicks the sub hard enough to cause it to run aground on a beach. Yeah, he just kicked something that weights several hundred tons, out of the water.

We next see Koopa throwing both the brothers, as well as the sub captain, into a prison cell. After that he calls up his kids on his magic wand and tells then that he conquered Paris and threw the Mario's in the Bastille. The kids are thrilled to take a trip to Paris and decide to leave right away. After a scene of Koopa scaring a couple on the street, we cut to Luigi trying to tunnel out of the cell using a spoon. He's actually making decent progress until the spoon gets bent.

With the Mario Brothers out of the way, Koopa and company (that's Kooky, Kootie Pie, Hip and Hop) are having a grand old time in Paris. Kootie Pie is trying on horrendous looking outfits, while Hip and Hop begin replacing the paintings in a certain museum with their own art, the kind of stuff you'd find on a fridge. They didn't throw out all the art though. Hip can be seen drawing some cat whiskers, a goatee and some glasses on the Mona Lisa.

Up atop the Eiffel Tower, apparently forgotten by everybody, Toadstool says, “I've got to get a message to Toad to bring help!” Then she wriggles one arm free and throws a scroll into the manhole they came out of before. That's an incredible shot I must say. On the other end of the pipe, Toad is still whining when the scroll flies out and hits him on the head. We never do find out exactly what the letter says, but since it had to have been written before Toadstool was captured it's probably no more than a basic S.O.S. Unless Toadstool somehow was able to write a letter while tied up and dangling from the top of the Eiffel Tower. We see Toad moving about and grabbing a bunch of typical Mario power-ups, including him lassoing a ? block. He stuffs everything in a chest and heads for Paris.

Back in the Bastille, the hammer brother guarding the prisoners lets a visitor in, since it's a prisoner's birthday. Oddly, none of the prisoners seem to be celebrating their birthday today. Toad is admitted into the cell wearing a horrible disguise that includes glasses, a beard and a pink and green hat. Inside the cake he brought is a block, which Mario busts open to reveal a leaf. After transforming, he smashes the wall with his tail and an alarm sounds. Yeah, pretty sure the Bastille doesn't have a security system. Even so, the hammer brother gets on the phone and calls Koopa, who's currently riding in an ugly convertible. He uses his pendant to give himself raccoon powers and flies off. Unlike the previous times, the pendant doesn't cause a leaf to appear, Koopa just glows and magically gets raccoon powers. This will be how the pendant works for the remainder of the episode, with one notable exception.

Koopa arrives at the Bastille, and Toad hands Luigi another leaf from his box so the brothers can both engage Koopa in the air. Koopa whacks Mario with his tail, causing him to loose his power, but Luigi is there to catch him. Meanwhile, Toad climbs to the top of the Eiffel Tower and frees Toadstool, kind of. See, the rope unwraps around her as she falls all the way to the bottom of the tower, spinning around and around the entire time. Oddly, this doesn't make her want to throw up at all. Toad slides down the rope after her. A rope that would have to be as long as the Eiffel Tower is tall. Where do you get that much rope? Toad apologizes to Toadstool for being angry before. Luigi and Mario arrive and Toadstool tosses Mario a fire flower from the chest. Luigi flies Mario up to where Koopa is and he uses his fire power to cause him to crash into the water.

Koopa crawls out of the water and uses his pendant to turn a regular shoe into a Kuribo's shoe, which he then uses to try and stomp the brothers. It's at this point the song “My Karoobi” starts to play. That's not a typo by the way, for whatever reason everyone in this episode pronounces Kuribo as Karoobi. This is also the only instance of a Kuribo shoe appearing in the entire show, which is kind of fitting as it only appeared in one level in the actual game. As the song plays the rest of the episode turns into a giant no-holds-barred battle between the two brothers and Koopa. Really, there is too much going on for me to accurately describe as Koopa keeps swapping powers and the brothers keep grabbing new power-ups from the chest. Eventually the pendant seems to overload from all the rapid changes and Koopa's powers keep appearing an disappearing and getting mixed together. Koopa then goes flying right into the manhole leading back to the Mushroom Kingdom. The Koopa Kids pull up in their car and chase after him. All that's left is for the good guys to pat themselves on the back for a job well done.

\----

“The Venice Menace” is a below average episode and the Wombatman episode is fairly average, though it's the only episode this season that gives Kid Icarus a decent chunk of screen-time. The real stand-out here is “Super Koopa” who's final action scene is quite possibly the best moment in the entire series. If this is the last episode of _The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ it does a decent job of acting as a finale. It also works as a good send-off for Toad who would not be present in the _Super Mario World_ TV show. We still have a few more episodes to go though.


	12. Prejudice is Garbage

While all of the other episodes of _Captain N and the Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ were recorded on two VHS tapes, this episode was recorded on a third tape. I'm not sure where this particular tape is hiding at the moment as I haven't seen it in years. I don't even remember what other shows are on it but I know this is the only episode of _Captain N and the Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ recorded on it. This is the last episode I had taped and thus the last episode I ever saw as a kid.

**True Colors**

As we kick things off we see the Doomship flying over the Mushroom Kingdom. Kooky and Cheatsy are trying to wake up their dad, saying that it's time for their midnight sneak attack. This, despite the fact that it's clearly day outside. Cheatsy pulls a lever that causes a bucket of water to be spilled on Koopa's head. Not sure who installed that. I'm guessing Kooky. Guy's always coming up with weird crap. This does nothing, so Kooky starts the attack without dear ol' King Dad. A swarm of para-goombas fly down and break through the walls of a house, causing all the inhabitants to run outside. And due to an animation/continuity error every one of them is either coloured red or blue, which won't happen till later. We see a bunch more mushroom people start to fight off the para-goombas with gardening equipment. Soon the Mario Brothers arrive via warp pipe and fly around with their raccoon powers. The para-goombas turn tail and fly away. As they do so we can see the Doomship next to a big white circle in the sky. It doesn't look like the sun, so I'm guessing it's the moon. Of course if the animators wanted it to look like night as the dialogue suggests they could have drawn in some stars or actually coloured the sky black instead of blue.

Back at Kastle Koopa, the big guy is upset that nobody woke him for the big attack. It's not like they didn't try man. Koopa sits in his throne and tries to get some shut eye but Cheasty insists he has a plan to turn the Mushroom people against each other. Koopa says to tell him in the morning.

It's morning the next day and the Doomship arrives over the Mushroom Kingdom accompanied by the song for this episode, “Paint the Town.” As that plays we get a montage of Koopa's forces dropping paint on everyone in town. As the lyrics point out, half of the people get painted red and the other half get painted blue. We get a shot of Mario, Luigi, Toad and Toadstool all standing together just outside a house. Toad and Toadstool duck inside the house a moment before the paint comes their way, painting Mario blue and Luigi red. Kooky congratulates himself on his paint working, because apparently paint is super high tech in the Mario universe, while Koopa complains that it's too early in the morning and that he didn't get any sleep last night.

A while later we see that everyone in town has been turned completely red or blue from head to toe. Kooky disguises himself as a blue mushroomer and Cheatsy dresses as a red one. The pair stir up trouble by having one of them agitate some mushroomers of the opposite colour, then having the other walk in and point out that the differently coloured people are always jerks. This culminates in the two of them walking into each other and starting a fight. This escalates when onlookers join in supporting the guy coloured the same way they are. Toadstool arrives on the scene and tries to calm everyone down with little success. When Mario and Luigi try to intervene however the pair actually get caught up in the argument and spend the rest of the scene with arms crossed not looking at each other. A red and blue from each side both agree that they're going to have a big ol' fight tomorrow morning and everyone walks off. Why wait guys? You're all rilled up now and waiting is only gonna let you cool off. I want to see a big burly mushroom brawl!

Later at Kastle Koopa, Mario and Luigi sneak inside, but upon finding three possible doorways to take the pair split up. Mario runs back from his door, chased by a chain chomp and Luigi runs back out, chased by a fire chomp. As a horde of para-goombas come flying in, they both run through the third door. After running through a warp pipe, they come across three more pipes. The two start arguing about which way to go. Mario wants to go down pipe number one. Luigi says he wants to go down pipe number two, as he holds up three fingers. They're about to come to blows over this, but stop when they hear Kooky and Cheasty's voices coming from pipe three. They peek in and we see the two Koopas standing at the bottom of the pipe. There's no doors or anything, they're just there at the bottom of a normal, non-warp pipe. Through good old-fashioned Koopa gloating they revel in the success of their plan. Mario and Luigi realize that they've been idiots and apologize to each other. Not sure they had to bust in to Kastle Koopa to figure out what the evil scheme was. Actually, now that I think about it, this trip didn't really accomplish anything.

We next cut to the red and blue hordes of Mushroom people with a third greener horde not far off. Koop yawns and informs Kooky via his wand that he's going to invade with his horde of sledge brothers as soon as the fight starts. We see a group of red mushroom people who are standing still, wagging their heads back and forth in utter confusion. The red guy we saw before is having second thoughts about this whole fight thing, but a disguised Cheatsy arrives to get everyone revved up again. Kooky does the same thing on the blue side. Just as everyone is about to come to blows, Mario and Luigi show up saying that Toadstool is stuck in a warp drain. Everyone on both sides agrees to help her despite protests by Kooky and Cheatsy. I'd like to remind everyone that Toadstool is about the only person who hasn't been coloured. In fact, I'm willing to bet you people would still be at each other's throats if Toadstool had gotten splattered like everyone else in town. When everyone follows the brothers to Toadstool, she reveals that she was never in any danger at all. The mob of people aren't angry that they were lied to, but agree to stop fighting. Kooky and Cheatsy arrive on the scene and start fighting themselves to try and get the rumble going. Unfortunately for them, their disguises come off. As the Mushroom people ready to chase them out of town, Cheatsy tries calling his dad on the magic wand, but Koopa's fast asleep. The kids run off and Mario starts delivering the Aesop for the episode. As his colours magically turn back to normal he says that people in the “Real World” will stop caring about colour as soon as they become “as smart as mushrooms.” Really? You people developed racism in an afternoon because two kids manipulated you, then you stopped because someone else told you to. That's not being smart, that's being gullible.

**The Feud of Faxanadu**

This episode kicks off with a literal kick-off, because the N Team is playing football at the Palace of Power. I didn't know the palace had a football field, but they're playing in a real (if very small) stadium with stands and everything. Simon hikes the ball to Mega Man, who throws it back at Simon so hard he falls over and starts rolling. Duke then runs up and grabs Simon's leg, pulling down his pants. This causes Simon to drop the ball and lets Kevin grab it thanks to his D-pad. Simon grabs the ball from Kevin using his whip and Game Boy swoops underneath Simon, lifting him off the ground. Lana blows the whistle pointing out that no one is playing by the rules. The football has somehow started flying in a perfect spiral to a big round circle that appears to be part of the stadium architecture, specifically one of the goal posts. Both Kevin and Kid Icarus decide to shoot the ball at this point and they both hit the ball at the same time, causing it to vanish in a flash of light and an electric surge to travel all across the stadium. For some reason. Everyone then runs in the opposite direction and jumps through a warp zone that happens to be located at the other goal post. Why would you put a warp zone there? Or perhaps I should ask, why would you build a football stadium on top of a warp zone?

The N Team emerges from the warp zone in a forested area and the warp starts smoking behind them. Apparently whatever they did blew out the warp zone and Lana says they need to find another way back. Simon and Kevin get into a tiff and they decide to continue with the game they were playing with new rules. First team back to the palace wins. Simon runs off with Mega Man and Kid Icarus, leaving Kevin, Game Boy and Duke behind with Lana. Lana tells Kevin he's being stupid for turning this into a game, but Kevin doesn't care. Kevin takes one step and the ground gives way beneath the two of them causing them to fall into a hole. I'd like to point out that the animation makes it quite clear that they had been standing on this spot for quite some time and nothing happened till they tried to step off it. A strange yellowish fluid then starts to fill the hole and Kevin tries to use his gamepad, but can't because it shorts out for some reason. A pair of short, fat, blue dudes with pointy ears appear up above, standing on a large log going over the hole. After the blue dudes tell a bad joke, the log snaps and they fall in, but Kevin and Lana can now climb up the remains of the log and out of the hole. Lana asks for directions and the two blue dudes agree to take them to their king.

We get an establishing shot of the world we've ended up in, which is a giant tree suspended in space. That's right folks, we're back on [Faxanadu](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faxanadu), last seen in “Germ Wars.” We're introduced to our villain for the episode, a guy named the Evil One. That's what he's called in the game too, so you can't blame the writers for this one. I should also mention that this guy is only addressed by name once in the episode, so I grew up without a clue as to what his name was. In the game the [Evil One](http://thehande.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/evilone.jpg) was a big skull-like thing on two long skeletal legs, but here he looks much more intimidating with big horns, a robe and bat wings. Although the close up shots of his face in this scene colour his head white instead of black. He's talking to another blue dude, this one with a big nose, who mentions strangers appearing. The Evil One gives his lackey a ring to keep in contact. The lackey also mentions a bargain, but he gets lightning thrown his way for bringing it up.

Kevin and Lana are in a meeting with the king that was mentioned earlier, King Melfis. Melfis dresses like an Elvis impersonator and has a blue head, but his neck and hands are coloured white. You may remember him from “Germ Wars.” I'm not sure if this episode is supposed to take place before or after that episode. Both episodes make it seem like this is the first time the N Team is meeting the guy, because neither episode acknowledges that they've had dealings with him before. As for Elfis himself, the first words out of his mouth are “I've had it with those blasted pointy-nosed dwarves. We'll never have any peace until we drive them off Faxanadu once and for all.” An important note: while most people on Faxanadu have blue skin, there are two distinct races, the Dwarves who have big and kind of pointy noses, and the Elves who have pointy ears. Melfis here is the king of the Elves, obviously. And though he does have pointy ears, his most distinguishing feature is his big chin complete with five o' clock shadow. Lana wants to know what's up with all the Dwarf hate, so Melfis tells her. Long ago an Elf wizard made a crystal with power over the four elements. We see a shot of people being happy, and oddly enough none of them have blue skin. It seems the Dwarves stole the crystal, then lost it. Kevin wants to help find the crystal and Elfis pulls out a fragment of said crystal, apparently left behind when it was lost. He decides to consult a guru to try and find the other pieces. So if he's had the piece the whole time, why did he wait until Kevin showed up to do anything about it? We see a close up of the crystal piece in the guru's white hand, then pull out to see the guru's hand and the rest of him are all blue. There is very little consistency when it comes to skin colour in this episode. The guru mentions a misty place and a ruby ring that will move mountains. Then a guard comes rushing in and says that some Dwarves have been spotted heading for the World Tree. Also, this guy is white instead of blue. Like I said, no consistency with skin colour.

Elsewhere, Simon is planning on picking a flower for Lana. However, as soon as he pulls it out of the ground it somehow sets off a trap and causes someone nearby to get caught in a bag and hung up by a tree. A pair of Dwarves show up, a short stout one and a tall skinny one. I should point out that the short fat one is the guy we saw talking to the Evil One earlier. They cut the person down and she falls right into Simon's arms. She turns out to be Dwarfine, queen of the Dwarves, and she has already taken a liking to Simon, who reciprocates. She agrees to show the three to a warp zone, but has to make one stop first. Then she gets into a [litter](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Litter_\(vehicle\)) and is carried off by her subjects.

We see the queen's other stop, as she meets with a shady looking fellow who is dressed in robes that are clearly too big for him. Seems they had an agreement, he'd sell her a key for 5000 gold pieces. Thing is, as soon as he sees the money, he doubles the price. Elfis and the rest of the N Team show up and Elfis is not pleased to see the Dwarves. Seeing that a fight's brewing the shady guy decides “screw it” and swaps the key for the bag of gold before getting out of there. Kevin tells Simon and the rest the tale about how the Dwarves stole the crystal, but Dwarfine calls shenanigans and says it was the Elves who stole the crystal from the Dwarves. The two rulers start arguing and order their minions to ready their weapons. In the Elves' case they take out what are basically lacrosse sticks and plant them in the ground so they can use them like catapults. The Dwarves just draw slingshots. Both parties load up their weapons with mud and let fly. There's a bunch of things thrown around and things being shot out of the air, but Dwarfine and her posse run across a rickety rope bridge to the World Tree while the others chase after her. The bridge, of course, has no railing. With everyone on the bridge at once it starts to shake and the key flies out of Dawrfine's hand and into a mud puddle on the other side.

All the extra weight on the bridge causes it to start giving way, so Kevin uses his power pad to jump in the air and shoot a stalagmite that's sticking out of the cliff on the other side, causing it to tumble off the ledge and fall upside-down, landing on top of one of the rope posts and burying it in the ground. In a nice bit of animation we can actually see Kid Icarus helping Lana cross the rickety bridge, showing that not everyone has completely lost their common decency. Dwarfine reaches the other side, but Kevin is already there and grabs the key first. Kevin and Team Elf use the key to enter the World Tree through a big set of wood doors, and close the door in Simon's face, literally. After having a brainstorm, Mega Man asks for some gold coins from Dwarfine and melts them down, using the imprint in the mud to form another key. Using that, Team Dwarf enters the World Tree as well. We see the shady guy from earlier watching all this and he transforms into the Evil One, saying he wants revenge on both Elf and Dwarf for ousting him from the World Tree.

Inside the door, team Dwarf looks down at what seems to be a level from the original Donkey Kong, before getting attacked by a squid-headed monster with tentacles for arms. We saw this same guy back in “Germ Wars.” Well, not the EXACT same guy. Probably. Simon kills it with his whip, turning it into gold coins, which the short Dwarf lunges after. Then they start go down the stairs. Up ahead, Team Elf has arrived in Mist Town, which seems to be built on the branches of the World Tree. How they got onto the branches of a tree by going DOWN I don't know. It's also very misty, as Lana points out. Kevin sees a guy come flying out of a small building and decides that it's the best place to start looking for the ruby ring.

Inside is a typical tough guy bar. The King's stooges make a point of announcing him, but the locals tell him to get lost. When Kevin mentions a ruby ring, an Elf with an eye-patch approaches them and says he's got it. When Melfis asks where he got it, he says he stole it. Kevin and eye-patch quickly agree to settle this by a challenge. Kevin bets his zapper and the Elf bets the ruby ring. The barkeep opens a door leading outside and we see an obstacle course. Now, because this takes place on the branches of the World Tree, it's all suspended on large branches over a truly enormous drop.

As the race begins we get our montage for this episode, “Megamove.” Unlike every other time it's popped up till now, this is not an instrumental version. Today it comes complete with lyrics and isn't replacing another song. Truth be told it's not that bad of a tune, at least it isn't bad when it has lyrics, it's just a shame that it was used to constantly overwrite other music. There are some messed up shenanigans on a set of ropes, when the elf guy start to saw through Kevin's rope, but then Kevin jumps to elf guy's rope and then elf guy jumps to Kevin's rope and then the rope breaks and the scene cuts just as Kevin grabs the elf with is legs. The whole thing is just not well-animated. In the next shot we see Kevin dragging his beaten foe back into the bar. Just as Kevin is about to take the ring, Team Dwarf arrives and Simon pulls out a vacuum from his backpack, which then sucks up everything in the bar, including the ring. Eye-patch's clothes also get sucked up. Duke hops on the vacuum bag, causing it to come loose and somehow fly about the room like a deflating balloon. Kid Icarus shoots the bag with an arrow, causing the contents to explode all over the place. Kevin is about to snag the ring, but Lana grabs it first, saying that she's going to get the crystal to put an end to all the fighting.

Outside, Lana is holding the ring as it glows like a red flashlight. They come across a boulder covering the entrance to a cave and the ring moves it out of the way. Dwarfine and her lackeys rush by, bumping into Lana and causing her to drop the boulder. It nearly rolls over Simon and the others, but she's able to stop it in time. Inside the cave Elfis and Dwarfine come across the crystal. Each grabs onto it and start a tug-of-war. Oddly, the piece Elfis had before looks like it's about one quarter of the actual crystal, but this thing appears to be whole. The crystal is basically a four point star with a little icon for one of the four elements on each point. During the argument, a figure steps out and introduces himself as Dwelf. He's the guy who made the crystal and he's half-elf/half-dwarf, and he has both the nose and ears to prove it. Lana and the N Team show up, apparently out of thin air. Lana questions Dwelf about his theft of the crystal. Dwelf says he took it and hid it when the Elves and Dwarves started fighting over it. As Elfis and Dwarfine struggle, the crystal eventually ends up in the hands of the short dwarf. He refuses to hand back the crystal and his ring projects the Evil One's voice. This causes the Elf and Dwarf lackeys to jump onto each other and shout “It's the Evil One!” That's the only time he's ever named in the episode and you wouldn't even know that's his real name unless you were familiar with the game. The dwarf runs off with the ancient artifact of ultimate power, and no one bothers trying to stop him. As he leaves, the exit he took conveniently caves in on itself so Dwelf has to lead them out another way.

Outside, the Evil One is having fun with his new toy. He causes a whirlwind, and the good guys walk out onto a tree branch that quickly gets broken off by the heavy winds, though everyone lands safely. The Evil One covers the group in a pile of snow, but Mega Man is able to melt it all away easily. For his next trick, the Evil One uses the crystal to crate a huge chasm. Kevin tries shooting the Evil One, but he counters with a pillar of flame that melts a boulder and knocks Kevin on his rear. Kevin's zapper stops working, and just as the Evil One is about to finish him off, Simon uses his whip to entangle the Evil One and knock him over. The crystal goes skidding along the ground and Elfis and Dwarfine go after it. Another chasm opens up and Melfis is left hanging for his life. Dwarfine is left to chose whether to grab the crystal or save Melfis. For whatever reason she decides to save Melfis and lets the crystal fall into the ravine where it explodes. Not sure why it explodes, but it does.

His plan foiled, the Evil One flies off saying “You haven't seen the last of me!” though he never makes another appearance after this, so this is indeed the last we see of him. The traitor dwarf appears out of nowhere and begs for forgiveness. He says the Evil One would destroy all of them if he didn't help him. But his plan was to use the crystal to destroy everyone... And he didn't have the power to destroy everyone without the crystal, so you're full of crap man. Dwarfine just tells him not to let it happen again. Elfis and Dwarfine agree that it was selfish of each of them to want the crystal all to themselves. Lana then makes Kevin and Simon apologize to each other for their own pig-headedness this episode. Unfortunately, when Lana asks for directions to the warp home, both the Elves and Dwarves start to fight over who gets to escort her there. They start throwing mud at each other while Dwelf and the N Team look on disapprovingly. Then Simon gets hit in the face with a clump of mud.

**Recycled Koopa**

It's garbage day at Kastle Koopa. We see Kootie Pie, Bully, Bigmouth, Hip and Hop get told that they have to clean up a pile of trash or they “Don't get to do anything mean for a whole week.” Bully hops onto a hammock and tells the others to get to work. Bigmouth goes on a diatribe about how he's going to tattle on Bully, whilst Kootie Pie picks up a can and proclaims that she broke a nail. Bully and Kootie Pie throw trash at each other for a bit, but when Koopa yells at them from off-screen Bully grabs an armful of junk and tosses it down a warp pipe.

We cut to Toadstool's castle where all our protagonists are walking through the garden. A warp pipe hanging above them starts spewing garbage everywhere. So that means that there is a warp pipe leading directly from Toadstool's garden to Kastle Koopa, and no one ever uses it. Mario picks up a small trophy of Koopa that reads “World's Repulsivest Reptile,” so it's pretty obvious where the trash is coming from. Luigi wishes they could wave a wand and make the garbage go away, so Mario decides to do just that, after stealing one of the Koopa Kids' wands.

Back at Kastle Koopa, Koopa is observing his offspring's handiwork. Bigmouth and Kootie Pie are arguing about who did the most work, when the good guys hop out of the warp pipe, in plain sight of the Koopa congregation. A chase breaks out and our heroes all hide behind a suit of armour clearly designed for a koopa. The Koopas run past once in one direction, then run by again going the other way. Mario snags a wand from Hip as they make their second pass. They rush back outside and Toadstool orders everyone to find a leaf, and because all the blocks in this show where manufactured by Convenient Power-ups Incorporated they all, of course, wind up with raccoon powers and fly away, though Koopa says he'll get them with his Doomship.

In the skies above the Mushroom Kingdom, our heroes are being pursued by said Doomship and are being bombarded by bullet bills and bob-ombs, one of which explodes on top of Luigi and singes his tail. Despite having a swarm of para-goombas thrown at them, Mario and company make it to the castle garden and Mario uses the wand to make all the trash form into a big ball of garbage. Unfortunately, the wand also gets sucked in as well. Once complete, the garbage ball lands on top of the Doomship and it falls out of the sky. The very next shot however shows the Doomship crashing right in front of Kastle Koopa, giving the middle finger to geography in the process. Bigmouth remarks on how cool all the neat stuff is and points out that they used to have a lot of neat stuff just like this until they threw it out. Koopa just yells at his kids to get rid of it again.

Given that the Koopas have been defeated and the princess's garbage problem has been solved you may think this is the end of the episode. However, we're not even at the halfway point yet. The brothers and Toadstool seem to realize this as well, causing Luigi to grab a periscope from a box Toad is carrying for no explained reason. He gives it to Mario, who uses it to observe the Koopas through the warp pipe from before. He sees a bunch of sledge brothers dumping box after box of garbage down another warp pipe while Bully, Kootie Pie and Bigmouth sit back and watch. Hip and Hop seem to have wandered out of the episode. Toadstool tells the brothers to get out there and stop all the garbage dumping, so in the very next shot the two of them are hidden amongst the garbage pile and observing the operation. They both hide inside boxes of trash which the sledge brothers pick up and dump down the pipe. The pair land in the middle of a road and after a quick look around they quickly realize they're back in Brooklyn. With trash can lids as makeshift umbrellas they observe the chaos caused by garbage falling from the sky. This also means that somewhere in the sky above Brooklyn there's a warp pipe that no one has ever noticed before.

Mario and Luigi see a waggling green tail around a corner and rush over to confront Koopa. Funny thing though, the tail belongs to a reptile in a suit, who puts his arms out in front of him and walks down the street chanting “Koooopa.” Luigi concludes that the garbage is turning people into zombies that look exactly like Koopa. Sure enough, we see a cabbie pick up a piece of litter and immediately turn into a skinnier version of Koopa. Here's a bit of trivia for you: This same cabbie showed up in the _Super Show_ episode "Flatbush Koopa." In THAT episode he got turned into bricks. And he never got turned back. As a kid I was always confused about why the garbage was able to change people into Koopa clones. Looking back on it I'd say that the magic from Hip's wand got mixed in with the garbage to create refuse that turns people into reptile zombies. At least you've got to give them points for originality, because I've never seen that as the premise to an episode of anything else.

Mario does what any concerned citizen would do, go to City Hall and complain to the mayor. Of course Brooklyn isn't a city itself, it's **part** of a city called New York, and the city hall for New York is in Manhattan, a fact that seems to have eluded the writers. At said City Hall the brothers meet the mayor, but he's half transformed into a lizard and exclaims “Nobody'll re-elect me like this. Not even in New York!” Then he fully transforms and joins a crowd of people outside all chanting “Koooopa” and walking with their arms out in front of them. Mario and Luigi begin picking up garbage with their plungers, which work like vacuum cleaners now. Um, that's not how plungers work guys.

Up above in his Doomship, Koopa and his kids are pleased about all this. Bigmouth starts talking again and Koopa shoves a bucket on his head to shut him up. Other than that things are going good. Although last we saw Bully and the others they were back at the castle overseeing the dumping. When did they move here? Koopa attaches a banner to the back of the ship listing the Marios as wanted men. He also dumps a bunch of bob-ombs and other enemies overboard to help. The brothers are soon spotted and an angry, smelly, brainwashed crowd soon chases after them.

As the Mario Brothers run for their lives, we get our montage for the episode set to “Stink City USA.” After a long and especially frantic chase through subways and sewers, the brothers finally ditch their scaly adversaries by hiding in a pile of garbage. One small problem though: when Mario crawls out of the muck he has a tail. Not sure why Luigi doesn't have one, since they were in the same pile of garbage for the same period of time.

Anchored at the Statue of Liberty, Koopa's Doomship is getting prepped to fire more garbage, while Koopa mentions his intention to conquer Manhattan, Queens and the Bronx. A bunch of seagulls are fired at and they turn into para-goombas. Another shot into the water turns some fish into cheep-cheeps. Below, Mario and Luigi are working on some kind of large motor vehicle when a bunch of garbage lands on Mario. Luigi somehow doesn't notice this, but keeps working. When he does turn to Mario, he's almost completely turned into a Koopa look-a-like. Mario then looses it and grabs Luigi. Luigi breaks free and climbs into the machine they built, a huge tank-sized vehicle with a giant vacuum in front that sucks up garbage as it drives along and spits out “recycled” materials. And that's it. In about ten seconds flat all the garbage is cleaned up and everything is back to normal. That was incredibly easy to deal with. Like way, way too easy. Koopa's still in the sky, shooting garbage though, so Mario and Luigi get in the trash machine, which sprouts a propeller because why not, and chases after the Doomship. Then the Statue of Liberty turns to the camera and says, “Those Mario brothers **are** super!”

\----

Both “True Colors” and “Feud of Faxanadu” feature themes of prejudice. In one case this prejudice cropped up in an afternoon, while in the other case it had clearly been going on for years, if not centuries. I'd like to say the events of “True Colors” couldn't happen in real life, but with human nature being what it is, who knows? “Recycled Koopa” probably has the most dire situation in any episode. An entire city's worth of people, including Mario, have all been turned into Koopa-looking zombies. It's such a shame that the episode wraps up at warp speed, destroying any sense of tension.


	13. Pyramid Scheme

These last two episodes were never recorded on my VHS tapes. I remember the week after taping the previous episode we recorded the same time slot and ended up with another copy of the very first episode. I'm not sure the exact order the episodes aired in, since the order on my VHS doesn't exactly match the order usually listed for the broadcast schedule. Anyway, I never saw these last two episodes growing up and it wouldn't be until I could find them on the internet that I would finally be able to watch them.

**Mind Your Mummy Mommy, Mario**

We kick things off in a pyramid with Hip and Hop poking around. Hip steps on the remains of a dry bones and jumps into Hop's arms, causing the two of them to stumble around until they smash into an urn. They then hear a banging noise and we see a sarcophagus nearby with the lid shaking. The two quickly grab another sarcophagus, which is apparently what they came here for, and make tracks with it. The two are barely out of the room when the first sarcophagus opens and an angry mummy shouts “They stole my son!” Outside, Hip and Hop look back and see the mummy right behind them as they run across the desert. Fortunately for them, a pipe is up ahead at the top of a flight of stairs, so they climb up and hop in. It's not a warp pipe or anything, just a pipe laying on its side floating in mid-air. The mummy runs past, not seeing them and still in a tizzy. Hip and Hop examine the sarcophagus and see that the image of the prince carved into it looks like Mario. We then cut to Mario, who is sleeping in bed with a pipe wrench and a plunger laying on his chest and crossing over each other, mimicking the image on the sarcophagus. Because that's a perfectly normal thing to do. Toad, Luigi and Toadstool are also present and sitting around. The door bursts open and a mushroom citizen rushes in. I'd like to point out that if you look out the door in this shot you can see that Mario and Luigi have apparently moved into the middle of the desert. He says there's a mummy running loose in Desert Land and Mario shouts, excessively loudly, that they have to get the mummy back where it belongs “before it scares the pasta out of everybody!” Pasta humour may be much less frequent than it was in the _Super Show,_ but it's still there.

We see the mummy running about and chasing a couple of mushroomers through a small town where all the buildings are makeshift tents. She chases them into one tent, but it falls on top of her as she tries to leave. Mario and the gang arrive in time to see the mummy throwing note blocks about. Mario decides to go and talk to the mummy but has a tent thrown on top of him for his trouble. Hip and Hop are still hiding in the pipe from earlier and have decided now is the best time to run off. Toadstool asks aloud why the mummy would be so upset, then sees Hip and Hop running off with the sarcophagus and concludes that his is all their fault. She rushes after them with Toad and Luigi, but tells Mario to keep the mummy occupied till they get back.

Mario walks up to talk to the mummy, but as soon as she sees him she assumes that he's her son come back to her, then tries to hug him. The son in question is actually called Prince Mushroomkhamun, which is a bit odd because the mummy appears to be human, though it's a bit hard to tell for certain since she's dead. Mario tries to jump away from the mummy, but she moves much quicker than he was expecting and catches him before he can land. Meanwhile, the others chase Hip and Hop over a sand dune only to be ambushed by the Doomship when they reach the top. Hip and Hop ride on top of the sarcophagus as it's hauled up to the Doomship via crane. Koopa taunts our heroes, saying that even his youngest kids could outsmart them. As I mentioned before, the twins are the youngest in the family in this show.

We cut to a shot of Mario being carried off by the mummy, with Toadstool and the others witnessing and commenting on it. Oddly, there's no transition scene of them moving at all, so I guess the mummy carried Mario right past them. They chase after the mummy but are soon left eating dust. Toadstool laments that they'll never find Mario without a map, causing Toad to mention that he has a cousin nearby who deals in maps. We cut to said cousin as he espouses his wears. Toadstool pays for a map to the mummy tombs and Luigi notes that there's a picture of Mario on it. Toadstool quickly puts together why the mummy ran off with Mario in first place. Oddly, the picture of the prince looks alive and healthy but the picture of his mother next to him has her looking mummified. Toadstool decides to go after the sarcophagus that was stolen and return it to the mummy in order to get Mario back.

Inside the pyramid, Mario tries to tell his captor that he isn't her son, to no avail. She wraps him up in bandages and tries to put him down for a ten thousand year nap. Not sure where she plans to make him sleep since they're short a sarcophagus. Mario tries hopping away, but the mummy grabs a loose bandage and pulls him back. She then places him in what looks like her sarcophagus.

Outside Kastle Koopa, Luigi flies by with his raccoon powers, pulling what looks like a cloud, though in reality its just a bunch of steam concealing a balloon. Unfortunately, a twister comes by, blowing all the steam away and leaving the balloon tangled up on one of the castle's towers. Toadstool and company walk into the tower and find the missing sarcophagus standing right there. Convenient. Luigi runs off, then returns with a bunch of pipes and stuff. After a little work Luigi's Steam Powered Mummy Sled™ is complete. Outside, Koopa arrives on the scene along with a terribly drawn Hip and Hop. Koopa yells at the intruders to come out, so they do, riding the a Steam Powered Mummy Sled™ past Koopa and the others.

This is where the montage for the episode kicks in, but the track used in the youtube video I happened to watch was, once again, an instrumental version of “Megamove.” I don't have this episode on tape, but research shows that the classic “Wipeout” was being played during this sequence. [I recently found a video of this sequence with the original audio](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJqCn8TMerM). The Steam Powered Mummy Sled™ flies down an impossibly long staircase, bowling over para-goombas who happily land in the formation of bowling pins, past a few rows of ravenous chain chomps, out the front door and into a lake.

Back in the pyramid, Mario does an incredible leap that sends him bursting out through the very top of the pyramid. He hops down the side of the pyramid just as Toadstool and the others arrive with the sarcophagus. Luigi hugs his bro and Toadstool unties Mario's bandages from behind. Then Mario just kind of spins on the spot and his bandages come off. The mummy breaks down the pyramid wall and looks pissed. Toadstool explains that the queen made a mistake and the mummy immediately blames Mario for impersonating her son. The mummy then walks up to Luigi and says he looks exactly like her husband, causing Luigi to run for his life.

**Invasion of the Paper Peddlers**

As the narrator helpfully explains, Dr. Wily is in Kongoland brewing up some evil. He pulls out a contraption sporting several hoses which then attach themselves to a group of nearby trees and starts syphoning stuff, I'm guessing sap, out of them. Oddly, the sap is green. Also, as the sap is sucked out, the trees immediately wither away. The narrator then explains that a week later the N Team has gotten an urgent call for help from Newsworld, so we see them levitate out of a warp zone that's in the ground. Just as Kevin and Lana are discussing how this place was too peaceful, a paperboy comes riding along and smashes right into Simon, causing both the vampire hunter and a bunch of newspapers to go flying. After Simon crashes into a water fountain, the paperboy shouts at them to stay back. It seems he thinks they're zombies. Kid Icarus explains that, no, they aren't zombies. The paperboy actually recognizes everyone there, except for Simon. He introduces himself as Julio and says he's the one who called them. Seems they have a zombie problem. Simon seems incredulous about the whole thing. Not because he doesn't believe in zombies of course, it's just that this town does not look like the place zombies usually hang out. I guess he's an expert on the subject. I mean there's a ton of zombies at Dracula's place.

In case you haven't guessed, this episode is based off of the old NES game _[Paperboy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAKnKCVrs7c)_ , with Julio here being the titular character from said game. Kevin decides to go off with Julio and investigate this whole zombie thing. He gets on Julio's bike and the two ride off, but Simon decides to follow after them by riding a unicycle he pulls out of his backpack. As Kevin rides down the street, Julio sits on the back of the bike and tosses papers at houses, hitting everything but the doorsteps. Just like in the actual game. Simon is also accosted by a small dog. Julio throws one paper through the glass on the front door of one house, causing a woman to come out and start chasing them. Kevin pedals faster but has to swerve out of the way of a little kid on a trike and ends up smashing right through some garbage cans. The lady stops chasing them, but as Simon rides past her she throws a rolling pin at him.

Kevin and Julio do a little bonding as Kevin shows the kid how to throw papers without causing a ton of property damage. He demonstrates by throwing a paper at some old guy. After they've left, the old guy reads the paper and the headline changes to “Mother Brain is my master.” A line which he repeats out loud. We see Mother Brain observing this on that video screen of hers that sees everything. Wily pulls a lever and gives Momma B an electric shock. Their plan it seems is to syphon off energy from Mother Brain into some special ink, and that will allow her to control her new minions when they read stuff printed with said ink. She orders the old guy to destroy Kevin and the paperboy, so he gets in his car and tries to run them down. Simon wraps his whip around a tree and pulls himself up and out of the way of the car. At least that's what he tires to do. Instead he ends up on the hood of the car. Kevin shoots a tree ahead of them, causing it to fall over just after they pass under it. The car crashes into the fallen tree and the clearly hypnotized driver explains his brakes weren't working. Kevin believes him out of hand, despite Julio's insistence that he's a zombie. I guess in this context he means brainwashed zombie and not actually undead.

In a building somewhere in Newsworld, we see Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo pouring the hypnotic ink into a paper press. Mother Brain is there too, despite the fact that she was in Metroid just a minute ago. The two drop a barrel of ink and Mother Brain turns it into a big green monster with her thoughts. Because psychic ink. She yells at them to go to paperboy's house and stop the N Team, so the pair rush off through a warp zone. Even though their target is on the same game world they're on now.

At Julio's house, the whole N Team is in attendance as Julio's mom gives everyone milk. Mega Man and Game Boy both drink it up, despite Game Boy having a screen for a face. He does have trouble digesting it, as he falls over afterwards. Julio's mom tries to read a newspaper, but it seems Julio has cut out large portions of it. When she reaches for a whole paper, Julio grabs it out of her hand and convinces her not to read it. His mom goes off to bake cookies and Game Boy goes to help. Julio explains that he thinks the newspapers are what's turning everyone into zombies. Course since no one believes him he's still stuck delivering them.

The doorbell rings and Julio's mom answers it to find Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo there. The two are dressed in trench coats and sunglasses and are selling a cookbook. The mom smells her cookies burning and closes the door on Eggplant Wizard's foot. Or whatever passes for a foot on an eggplant. King Hippo grabs the book from his partner and the two sneak into the house, right past Game Boy, who is stumped trying to figure out how to open a carton of milk. He ends up squeezing it so hard that it bursts open. King Hippo slips on the fresh puddle. Game Boy and Eggplant Wizard start fighting over the cookbook until the mom tells Game Boy to serve the cookies. The book ends up in a bowl full of batter and Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo start bickering about who's fault it all is. The mom picks up the book and reads it as the title changes to “Mother Brain is your master.”

Julio's mom walks into the dinning room as the N Team are eating their cookies. She unplugs a ceiling fan, which is just plugged into an outlet on the wall. Then she gives the cord a tug and the whole thing falls on the table. Most unsafe ceiling fan ever. In the kitchen, Mother Brain is somehow there as well, just floating in mid-air. Not sure how she got there or how she's floating. Eggplant Wizard pulls out a vial of ink and spills it on the toaster. Mother Brain then realizes she can mind control the toaster the same way she does people. Even though, traditionally, toasters are immune to hypnosis.

Back in the dinning room, Simon confirms that, yes, Julio's mom has been hypnotized. Just as everyone finally starts acknowledging that there is a hypnosis scheme going on, a bunch of appliances attack them. And said appliances are all flying, because we all know when household appliances take on a life of their own they gain the ability to fly. Kevin tells everyone to run outside, and they do, while he stays behind. Then, only after everyone else is already safe, does he think to use his ability to stop time.

Now safe from those oh-so-threatening household appliances, the N Team heads to the newspaper office. The newspaper by the way is the Daily Sun. They all decide to sneak in the back door. Once inside, the N Team observes Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo from behind a bunch of barrels filled with the hypnotic ink. Kid Icarus pulls out a pair of love arrows and nails Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo with them. In the butt. He calls them love arrows, but all it seems to do is make Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo act real nice. Kevin asks them what's up with the ink and Eggplant Wizard tells him it's made from the sap of the junga-junga tree in Kongoland. By now King Hippo has pulled the arrow out of his behind and tells Eggplant Wizard to shut up. When the rest of the N Team comes out of hiding the pair run off through a warp zone, but not before Hippo knocks Eggplant Wizard into a press and flattens him. As the N Team begins looking for a cure, by just sort of poking around the room, Julio reveals that he's immune to the effect of the newspapers because he can't read. It seems that he can't read because he's been skipping school to deliver newspapers. He says his family needs the money ever since his dad lost his job. Um, dude? Pretty sure having a paper route doesn't mean you can't go to school. It's not one or the other.

Kevin pulls out a book at random and reads that the cure for juna-junga sap is oingo tree sap. Of course, Mother Brain sees all this on her screen back home. She's all over the place in this episode. She yells at Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo as per usual. A while later, Hippo is sitting in a Kongoland tree with a fishing rod, with Eggplant Wizard dangling off the end of the line. Simon walks by and Hippo lowers Eggplant Wizard, who's dressed up as Kid Icarus. He says he's Kid Icarus' cousin and hands Simon a love note he says is from Lana. It reads “Roses are red, Violets are blue, whatever Mother Brain says, I do.” Elsewhere, Mega Man rips a tree in half to get some tree sap. Hippo walks up dressed either as a knight or a robot, I can't tell, and gives Mega Man a package he says is from Captain N. The package contains a sap sucker, but when Mega Man reads the instructions he gets hypnotized too. Game Boy finds a tree, but it's soon uprooted by Donkey Kong, who starts eating it. In this particular episode DK is dressed as a farmer. Game Boy floats about Donkey Kong's head until the big ape swats at him. This causes Donkey Kong to smack himself in the cheek and spit out a bunch of tree sap, which Game Boy catches in a bucket. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo observe this and argue about what to do, when Donkey Kong steps on them.

Back at the Daily Sun, Kid Icarus is guarding the door. Mega Man approaches and Kid Icarus stops him, leading to this exchange. “You scared me, I thought you were a zombie.” “I am. And now so are you.” Mega Man holds out a plate with hypnotic words written on it. Inside, Lana is teaching Julio how to read by spelling the word awake. She plans to distribute the cure the same way the original hypnotizing ink was spread, newspapers. Simon calls Lana outside and makes her read a card written in some more hypnotic ink. Now with almost all of the N Team her puppets, Mother Brain gloats while floating above everyone's head. Seriously, when did she learn to float like that? She never does it in any other episode. Inside, Kevin is getting a recharge for his equipment from Game Boy. He mentioned he was low on power once before. Well he sort of did. He said, “I hope I have enough power for this to work,” which he says pretty much all the time. Kevin zaps the barrels of the original hypno-ink and gets ready to deliver the papers. Just as they're leaving, the rest of the N Team arrives with arms stuck out in front of them in the traditional zombie gait.

As Kevin and Julio begin delivering papers to the neighbourhood, we get our montage for this episode set to “Wild Ride.” Not sure if this is a sound-alike of anything. As the song plays, Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo try to get Kevin and Julio with a brainwashed lawnmower, then chase after them in a bike before Game Boy smashes into them. Kevin becomes surrounded by his former friends, who all try to get him to read stuff. Mega Man makes his appearance by ripping another tree in half. With Kevin surrounded, things look bad, but Julio tells everyone to look up. He's ridden on top of Game Boy and painted the word “Awake” on a billboard using tree sap. Everyone reads the one word and is instantly cured of their brainwashing. Mother Brain watches her plan go to pieces on her magic screen. Julio makes one final delivery as he drops off a paper to his mother. After reading the paper she invites everyone in for dinner. Also, Julio's dad makes an appearance and we find out he got a new job. Yay.

**The Beauty of Kootie**

Once again we begin in Desert Land, this time outside the palace belonging to the sultan. Oddly, the palace seems to be made mostly out of tents, though the upper towers look like they're made of sand. We see the sultan chilling in his bath, when the water being pumped through the camel-shaped faucet turns to oil. A guard rushes in and the sultan tells him to call the Mario Brothers. We cut to Mario and Luigi having already stopped the flow of the oil, while Toad and Toadstool look on. The place was built on an oil well and the sultan suspects the water and oil pipes got crossed somehow. The room shakes and Mario says the built-up oil pressure could cause the palace to blow. Cheatsy is busy eavesdropping on the conversation via the camel faucet when Kootie Pie yells for him. Seems she's having trouble with the pipes she's switched. Cheatsy arrives with a purple head to tell her the Marios are there. Then his head goes back to normal. Kootie pulls out her wand and calls her dad on it. Apparently their plan is to steal oil for the Doomship via the water pipes. So what's wrong with stealing it with the oil pipes? Is that just too predictable? As Kootie Pie whines about having to do work, her wand grows in size, most likely due to an animation error. Cheatsy comes up with a plan. He grabs said wand and uses it to turn Kootie Pie into a human girl, though her tail remains.

We hear some odd moaning noises that are clearly coming from the Mario Brothers. It honestly sounds like they've been turned into zombies or something. Cheatsy hears them and runs off. Mario and Luigi walk into the room and Mario immediately falls for the transformed Kootie. She introduces herself as Fettuccine Alfredo. I- I don't even. Just typing that out causes me physical pain. Luigi sees her tail, but she denies having one. Koot- I mean Fettuccine says she's been lost in the dungeons for days. Luigi keeps trying to get a better look at the tail, but she eventually gets fed up and hits him with it. Somehow Mario has already set up a romantic dinner in this time, complete with candles and everything. Ko- Fettuccine tells Mario to bring the sultan and his guards down into the basement “In case the castle explodes.” And of course, because a pretty girl says it, Mario agrees. The sultan comes down with Toad, Toadstool and a single guard. At Fettuccine's request the group walks into a small chamber with one door. Toadstool comments that Fettuccine's dress doesn't match her tail. Fettuccine gets mad and throws Toadstool in the cell herself, then locks the door.

Tired of being a human she calls for Cheatsy to turn her back, so the little guy pops up and does just that. Mario is in shock, naturally, and doesn't react as Cheatsy and Kootie Pie grab a hose and spray oil at the two brothers, causing them to slide into a hole in the floor. A short time later, Koopa arrives with a bunch of para-goombas and sledge brothers. He gloats of course. Heck he even says, “I'll be upstairs gloating, while my Doomship sucks your oil well dry.”

While Kootie Pie and Cheatsy keep an eye on the prisoners, and proceed to taunt them, Mario and Luigi crawl up through a pipe that is entirely too small to hold either one of them. The two sneak up behind the Koopas and grab the wand that is for some reason just lying on the floor unattended. They rush off into another room and Mario uses the wand to turn Luigi into a koopa. What we end up with is a horned, green skinned, mustachioed reptile in a purple tuxedo, which Mario dubs Casanova Koopa. At Mario's behest Luig- *sigh* Casanova Koopa *shudder* disguises his voice and walks out to romance Kootie Pie.

Kootie Pie falls for Casanova the moment she lays eyes on him, and he wastes no time planting a kiss on her lips. Casanova asks for some quiet time alone with Kootie in the cell, so like a fool, Kootie Pie kicks out her captives and uses her wand to make the whole place look more homely. I'm not sure if each of the kids brought their own wand here, because Mario should still have possession of one wand. If there are two wands they're both coloured purple. Cheatsy thinks letting the captives go free is a bad idea, but instead of putting his foot down and stopping Kootie's blunder, he just sort of tells her that dad probably won't like it. As Kootie Pie kisses Casanova some more, her wand goes off and turns Casanova back into Luigi. Cheatsy is so surprised his head turns yellow for a few frames. Kootie Pie doesn't respond well to the change either and chases Luigi up the stairs shouting “I'll tie your lips behind your head!”

Upstairs, Mario has finished repairing the plumbing. Despite the fact that he had to be downstairs to fix the pipes earlier. Also, shouldn't Koopa be up here with them? He said he was going upstairs. Luigi bursts in and warns that the Koopa Kids are behind him. Mario grabs a hose and sprays the two of them with oil. Now it's montage time, but as before, the song got replaced with another instrumental version of “Megamove.” The song that originally played here was “Slippin' and a Sliddin.'” [ If you want you can see the original version here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL6RIleYOu0). The kids get washed up next to their dad and he sends a bunch of minions after the brothers, who also get sprayed with oil.

Koopa calls in the Doomship, which smashes right into one of the palace's towers, and the bow of the ship slides right into the room. Koopa and company climb aboard and back the ship out of the palace. Soon they're back into the air where they start firing the ship's artillery. The brothers respond by pumping out more oil through the camel faucet for the tub. I guess they never fixed the plumbing after all. So much oil gets pumped out that it soon sprays out the windows, then the tower collapses with Mario still riding the camel facets as it continues to spew oil everywhere. We get a shot of everyone else watching him so I guess they're okay, though how that's the case when the building basically exploded is beyond me. A shot of oil hits the side of the Doomship and somehow oil spews out of the monitors on the bridge, soaking the Koopas. That's enough for Koopa and the Doomship retreats. With the day won, Luigi turns off the pressure to the camel faucet and Mario hops down. The sultan is upset that his palace is ruined. Luigi notices one of the wands lying on the ground and uses it to restore the palace. Then he says that the wand melted. I'm not sure if the plumbing ever got fixed or not. Either way enough oil was sprayed over the course of the episode to seriously affect the Desert Land economy.

\----

Having never seen this episode as a kid, none of these cartoons holds any nostalgic value for me. Looking at them as an adult I have to say I found all three parts to be just below average. I had already seen a TV show that used mistaken identity. I had already watched someone try to seduce someone else while wearing a disguise. Because of this I wasn't engaged by these episodes like I would have been when I was four. Guess that shows the difference between a child's view and an adult's view. Although I can't say I remember anyone trying to take over the world using newspapers printed with hypnotic ink, so at least the _Captain N_ episode was unique.


	14. Flora and Fauna Felony

**Crimes R Us**

We open with the Doomship flying over what looks like “Real World” farmland. A pan inside the ship shows us that all seven kids are in attendance. Seems they're heading for a prison, causing Koopa to remark that it's the only place in the “Real World” with their kind of people. In the prison yard, we see a bunch of convicts playing basketball. One of the larger cons, a bald guy, grabs one of the smaller cons and rolls him up into a ball before dribbling him and shooting him into the basket. When he asks who else thinks they can beat him at basketball everyone else runs away screaming.

The Doomship makes its appearance and shoots a bunch of lasers at a guard tower, causing it to burst into flames and fall over. Bully climbs down a rope ladder and comes face to face with the big bald con, who he identifies as Crimewave Clyde, ““Real World” public enemy number one.” Clyde doesn't seem at all phased by any of this, though he does mention he's serving a 12,423 year sentence. Bully grabs hold of Clyde and we cut to the con aboard the Doomship asking questions of Koopa. Seems he thinks they're wearing reptile disguises. At least it makes some sense for crooks to wear disguises as opposed to, say, plumbers. Clyde pulls on Koopa's nose, thinking it's a mask, much to the merriment of his offspring. Koopa actually introduces himself using his full name, making this the fifth time the name Bowser has been used. He also introduces his kids.

At Kastle Koopa, Clyde recites everything Koopa told him in one of the most blatant examples of “Let me get this straight” I've ever seen. It seems Koopa wants Clyde to show his kids all the underhanded, crooked tricks he knows. Clyde refuses, until Koopa offers him half of everything they steal. Of course he crosses his fingers behind his back as he says this.

Later, the Doomship arrives over the Mushroom Kingdom and Clyde begins lesson one: bank robbery. Guess he's skipping over the introductory lessons huh? Mario and Luigi are nearby, talking about how clouds look like stuff. Luigi points out one cloud that looks like the Doomship, only to realize it **is** the Doomship. Mario jumps up and hits a note block that he was apparently standing under the whole time. He grabs a leaf and transforms, while Luigi actually has to move from his spot to find a fire flower. Luigi transforms too. Well, I think he transforms. Its hard to tell because he doesn't change colour like he's supposed to. Inside the bank, the Koopa Kids are grabbing valuables from the bank patrons. Kootie Pie winds up with a feather boa. The brothers walk in as Bully orders a clerk to empty out the money into a sack. Mario whacks the sack out of his hands where it hits Hip and Hop. Luigi, still coloured green, shoots some fireballs at a bunch of the Koopa Kids and they run off. Kootie Pie throws her boa into the air where it wraps around Mario, causing him to land inside the bag of money. Bully sprays Luigi with some water and all the kids run back up the Doomship's ladder. I guess they must have made a hole in the ceiling to accommodate that.

Back at Kastle Koopa, Clyde isn't happy that the kids have failed lesson one, so he moves on to lesson two: getting rid of the good guys. We cut to Desert Land where we hear someone crying for help. Mario and Luigi appear via a warp pipe to offer assistance. How did they hear the cries for help when they were on the other end of the warp pipe? The brothers meet a little mushroom kid who says a Koopa grabbed his lunch money and ran down a pipe. After the brothers jump down said pipe, Cheatsy appears and gives the kid back his lunch money for a job well done. On the other end of the warp pipe, the brothers arrive in an underground tunnel and a hatch closes over the pipe they came in through. The two run into Bigmouth and Clyde. Bigmouth goes on about how the brothers are finished for so long that Clyde clamps his hand over Bigmouth's big mouth. Then they sick a boom-boom on the two brothers. They get chased into a pool of what looks like brown water, though it could be mud or quicksand. Mario makes clucking noises at the boom-boom until he gets so angry he jumps into the water. The splash he makes sends Mario into the air, where he hits another note block and grabs the leaf inside. With the boom-boom stuck in the water the Mario grabs Luigi and the pair fly off without any hassle.

Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, Clyde announces that he's taught the Koopa Kids everything he knows about crime, (that was fast,) and sets them loose on the populace. Bigmouth holds up a citizen with a hand-held ptooie plant, then he tries the same trick on Kootie Pie as she runs past with a sack full of money.

A short while later, the gang reconvenes at Kastle Koopa, while Bully tallies up their haul: 522 wallets, 391 purses, 912 gold coins and a yo-yo. Bigmouth runs up with the ptooie plant and steals the yo-yo from Bully. Clyde tells them, apparently not for the first time, that they aren't supposed to steal from each other. Seems he's almost had his full of dealing with the kids. Then Hip and Hop each grab a wallet from him. Why Clyde was carrying two wallets in his pants I don't know. He chases after them, but Bully trips him. Koopa is more than pleased with the results of Clyde's teachings and tells them their next job is to steal a billion gold coins from the Mushroom Kingdom treasury. I don't think anyone here actually knows how many a billion is, because you could never store that many gold coins in one building, nor could the Doomship ever hope to haul it all away.

We cut back to the Mario Brothers, who are still trapped in the tunnels, now being chased by sledge brothers and ptooie plants. I should point out that Mario no longer has his raccoon tail. Mario and Luigi run into a chamber and close the big metal door behind them. Then Luigi notices they're in a room with a pair of thwomps. This is the final straw for Luigi, who says that there's no way out of the tunnels.

At the Mushroom Kingdom treasury, Clyde hands Kooky a bob-omb, presumably to blow open the wall. However, instead of following orders, Kooky lights the bob-omb right away and chains it to Clyde's foot. Seems that they had orders to double-cross Clyde and keep him from walking away with any of the haul. Clyde declares that he can't take it anymore and hops in a lake.

Back in the underground tunnel, Luigi narrowly doges a thwomp and declares that it's the end for them. Then, out of nowhere, Clyde bashes down the metal door and runs in screaming. I have no idea how he could have possibly found them so fast. He begs them to take him back to the “Real World,” and even agrees to help them stop the Koopa Kids.

As the Koopa Kids break into the Mushroom Kingdom treasury, we get our montage for the episode set to “The Double Cross.” As the song plays the kids break into the vault and load up their bags with cash. Then Clyde and the Mario Brothers arrive. Again the Doomship is overhead, ready to pull up the loot via a crane. As Koopa hauls up the haul he finds one bag filled with his own kids all tied up. A second bag contains a bob-omb, which blows up in his face.

Back in the “Real World” prison, Clyde is actually happy to be back behind bars. 12,423 years behind bars is better than one more day with those Koopas.

**The Lost City of Kongoland**

We start our episode by watching Donkey Kong sleeping in his treehouse bed. Something pokes him and he leaps onto the ceiling. We see what looks like a thorn sticking out of his bed. As we get a shot of the house from outside, we see vines growing all over the place. We cut to Prince Plenty (Remember him? King of the blue people?) asleep in his own bed, only to be awoken by Donkey Kong's yelling, which causes the canopy of Plenty's bed to fall on top of him. A guy walks into the room and announces that “The Lost City of Kongoland is rising after one thousand years, just like the prophecy said.” Plenty says “that's nice” and tries to go back to sleep. Then the other guy mentions that the city is rising in Donkey Kong's front yard, which finally gets Plenty's attention. More rampaging from Donkey Kong causes the floor of Plenty's hut to fall away.

At the Palace of Power, we see a huge lineup of people, apparently wanting to see Lana. I think this is the only time we see people other than the N Team in the palace. Well, except for that time Lana threw a ball and invited everybody. At present, Lana is being asked to settle a dispute between two farmers who each claim custody of a cow. Before Lana can give a ruling, Mega Man arrives with a sack full of letters, all from people who want an audience with Lana. Lana is flummoxed by all the work she has to do, causing Kevin to suggest she take a break. While it's true she may be overworking herself Kevin, not doing her job is only going to make the problems pile up and become even worse. Getting back to the farmers, Lana pulls the old [King Solomon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judgment_of_Solomon) routine. Only problem is, both farmers are okay with the cow being cut in half. Before anything can be decided, the cow runs off, causing the two farmers to chase after it. I honestly don't know where all these people come from. If you've ever seen the Palace of Power, you'd see that it's kind of hanging in a void, so these people must all come from different warp zones. Though, if someone is, say, from Hyrule, I don't see why they'd go see Lana instead of Zelda. My point is this scene makes no sense. Which is par for the course in _Captain N_. A warp opens up and Simon walks out, only to be bowled over by the cow and the two farmers as they run into the warp. Lana fears she may not be a forceful enough ruler, but Kevin tells her she's doing fine. (While the animators make it look like he's trying to cop a feel I might add.)

Prince Plenty comes running in asking for help. He's got a crystal on him that will conveniently explain everything through holograms. Okay, so a thousand years ago there was this guy called Konga. He was a witch-doctor and ruled this great city by controlling plants. Then an earthquake sunk the city, though Konga swore the city would rise again. Also, if anyone finds his treasure they get all of his powers. Lana says they're going to find this treasure and destroy it, because apparently it's evil. Nothing in that story explicitly said anything about Konga being a bad guy, unless you think being evil is a witch-doctor prerequisite.

We cut to Mother Brain observing Donkey Kong as he tries to solve his garden problem by hitting the weeds with a tree. Unusually, Mother Brain is not spying via her magic TV screen, she's actually physically there watching Donkey Kong through a telescope or something. It looks kind of like an electronic eye on the end of a cable. That cable is attached to a flying saucer which her tank is sitting atop. Mother Brain announces she wants the power of the lost city, to the surprise of no one.

The N Team arrives via a paddleboat. Mega Man opens a wooden crate filled with gizmos and gadgets. He exposits that getting the stuff from Dr. Right was a good idea. An idea which was Lana's. However, none of them know how anything works. Way to just give people complicated equipment without any instruction Dr Right. Lana is faced with the decision of testing them now and possibly using up power, versus just winging it later. She's convinced that whatever choice she makes will be the wrong one, citing the incident with the cow to back up her trepidations. Then Kevin says not to worry about it so she doesn't. Simon blows a whistle or flute or something, and a bunch of vulture-looking creatures fly in and attack. It's not completely clear if the two events are related. Lana grabs a big gun that shoots corks into the birds' mouths, plugging them up and causing them to fly away. Simon claims this incident is Kevin's fault and says he'd be a better leader. Then he whips a coconut on a nearby tree, which goes flying away and hits Donkey Kong on the nose. Donkey Kong is at this point wearing a jungle camouflage vest and a green helmet. Don't know why he's dressed like that. Guess he's “at war” with his garden.

Simon and Lana fly away using a hang-glider that sticks out of Simon's backpack. The two of them go looking for the lost city while Kevin keeps Donkey Kong busy. The boat goes over a waterfall, but it's okay because everyone puts on these spring boots. Even Kid Icarus. Who can fly.

Simon crashes his hang-glider right in front of a big wooden wall, which he assumes to be part of the lost city. Lana pulls out a map she claims to have gotten from Prince Plenty, but it's really just a compass rose and a picture of a set of blue flames. The pair run through a big wooden door moments before Mother Brain arrives with her cronies. Inside, a vine comes up on Simon and he swings his whip at it. Lana is right next to him and throws her hands up and starts convulsing wildly. Either Simon is centimeters away from whipping her or she's having a stroke. Simon leans on a totem pole which falls over, opening a secret door and causing a boulder to roll towards them. Despite the fact that Simon has ample opportunity to move, Lana has to jump into Simon and push him out of the way at the last second. The boulder stops in a divot carved out just for it. This causes a pedestal to come out of the ground, holding what looks like a gold seashell. There's writing on it and Simon pulls out his “trusty jungle dictionary” to translate. Simon's expert translation is “Do not open or you're gonna be sorry sucka!” No attempt to ham it up, he just cuts straight to the chase. Lana opens the chest, and after being bathed in a pink light, picks up a headdress with tons of pink feathers attached to it.

Mother Brain appears right behind the two and announces the treasure is hers. Lana isn't even the slightest bit surprised by this. She just says “never” without skipping a beat. But the moment she turns around King Hippo snatches the headdress from her. The headdress goes back and forth for a bit between Simon, Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, until it flies through the air and lands on Lana's head, causing her to glow with more [pink energy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu9_C90lTfA). Kevin and the others come rushing in saying Donkey Kong is right behind them. Lana then says that she's awakened from a thousand year nap, meaning she's got to be possessed by the spirit of Konga. She starts calling people “foolish mortals,” then sics some vines on Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. The two run off with Mother Brain.

Kevin is pleased about the turn of events and lets out a chuckle. This causes Lana to shout out, “who dares laugh at the mighty Konga!?” Kevin is too thick to realize Lana's been possessed, even though Konga just said as much. Lana seems to come to her senses for a minute and Simon steps forward to deal with the situation. I guess that as a vampire slayer he would have the most experience with possession and ancient spirits. Konga resumes control and ties up Simon in a bunch of vines. Just then, Donkey Kong appears and tears down the big wooden walls of the city. Kevin tells Donkey Kong that they're leaving and grabs Lana's arm. Konga responds by picking Kevin up over his head and throwing him. Konga puts Lana's arms over her head and shoots out a bunch of pink lightning all over the place. A bunch of vines with teeth try to ensnare Donkey Kong, but he rips himself free before running away screaming. Kevin still can't get it through his thick skull that Lana's been possessed, even though Konga keeps saying exactly that. Konga shoots a beam of pink light into the water, causing a bunch of mushroom shaped plant-ish objects to rise up. And then a bunch of flowers with teeth start flying using their leaves as wings. Kevin and Kid Icarus shoot stuff until Game Boy says they'd better retreat, so they do, conveniently leaving behind Simon as he's still tied up. Abandoned by the others, Simon has to hop after the rest of his team. He doesn't get far before he trips and falls on his face. When the others realize that Simon isn't with them, Kevin tells Game Boy to go back and make sure both Lana and Simon are okay while they work on a new plan.

Back with Konga, he starts ranting that “animals have ruled the jungle long enough” and “it's time for plants to take over!” Do you even know how a jungle works guy? The plants have basically taken over already. And aren't you being a bit of a hypocrite, since, you know, you're trying to take over and you're not a plant either? Mother Brain is still hanging around and realizes that Eggplant Wizard is a plant, so she sends him over to smooth-talk Konga. Konga uses his plant powers to grow stuff, and I think there might be a split second shot of plants tying up a T. rex, but I can't say for certain. Eggplant Wizard approaches and asks to work for him. Konga is about to fry him, but changes his mind and decides to test him instead.

We cut to Donkey Kong, now wearing a hat and a tie with a banana on it. He's picked up a great big wood suitcase and looks like he's about to skip town. Before he can go, Eggplant Wizard comes and lures him away with a trail of giant bananas. Then Konga appears and ties up Donkey Kong with a bunch of vines. Not sure what he needed Eggplant Wizard for there.

Back in Prince Plenty's village, the prince says that if they destroy the headdress then the city will sink into the ground forever. The same guy from before comes in screaming that the lost city has reached the palace. Then a vine picks up both him and Prince Plenty. If you're wondering how a city can move, well, it can't. It's just a bunch of vines and other plants showing up and tearing the place apart. A bunch of weird plant creatures come in, including a T. rex that seems to have been subjugated by Konga and is now wearing foliage. Konga is, of course, riding on top of said T. rex, because seriously who wouldn't? Kevin wonders where Donkey Kong is and is suddenly standing right in front of the big ape. The oversized gorilla is crying and Kevin has to use his power pad to dodge one of the tears. Kevin pulls out his zapper and starts shooting the vines off Donkey Kong, but one vine whips the zapper out of his hand. Then Konga is suddenly standing there on top of his dinosaur. How do you let a dinosaur that big sneak up on you? Kid Icarus shoots an arrow with scissors on it which flies all over Donkey Kong, cutting him free.

Konga jumps down from his dinosaur mount and he sends his minions to battle Donkey Kong and the N Team. This battle scene becomes the basis for our montage as the song “She Freaks Me Out” plays, which is a sound-alike of “Super Freak.” During the song, Donkey Kong wrestles the T. rex off a cliff. Oh, and Kevin gets his zapper back, but that's not nearly as cool and Donkey Kong wrestling a T. rex off a cliff. Kevin is about to be smothered by a bunch of vines when Lana retakes control of her body, takes off the headdress and throws it- right to Eggplant Wizard. Mother Brain flies over and is about to put the headdress on when Donkey Kong reappears out of nowhere, snatches the headdress, and crushes it in his big hairy hands. This causes one final pink light show, and also makes all the plant monsters disappear. Not sure what happened to the T. rex though. Donkey Kong then picks up Mother Brain and her cronies and hurls them over the horizon. Donkey Kong then gestures for the others to leave and Simon finally reappears, with vines still wrapped around him. The big ape pulls on the vines causing them to unravel so fast fast that Simon spins like a top.

Back at the Palace of Power, Lana's feeling good and doesn't remember anything that happened. We then see the two farmers from before who wish to thank Lana for listening to their dispute over that cow. They've agreed to share the cow's milk and butter between the two of them. They also give Lana flowers to commemorate the first year of her rule. Well that absolutely cements that her dad's only been gone a year then. Also a crowd that's either completely offscreen or invisible shouts “Long live Princess Lana!”

**Life's Ruff**

We start this episode with Luigi walking down the corridors of the Ice Land Castle. He walks into a room to see the king throwing food about. Seems his cook can't tell the difference between duck and turkey. I should point out the king has a big nose and bigger jowls. Oh, and he's human. Luigi explains that he came here because there have been lots of complaints that the king is something of a bully. The king says that's ridiculous, then pulls out a wand and starts shooting at his manservant. He says a dog would make a better servant and said servant walks out of the room muttering about it. Hip and Hop appear behind a pillar in the hallway and get an idea from this exchange. Seems they came here following Luigi on orders from their dad.

The king bellows for his duck, and the servant comes running down the hall when he's jumped by Hip and Hop. Inside the room, Luigi says that the king, who's named Windbag apparently, should stop bullying his staff. Then Hip rushes in carrying the serving tray. He lifts the lid and Hop lunges out, grabbing the wand from Windbag. He tosses it to Hip, who uses it to turn Windbag into a dog. He still has his crown on though. Luigi tries to grab the wand, but Hip passes it to Hop and he also turns Luigi into a dog. A dog with a mustache and green hat.

Hip and Hop jump out the window and as Luigi and Windbag chase them we get our montage for this episode set to “It's A Dog's Life.” The chase ends with all four participants hopping down a warp pipe and emerging in what Luigi immediately identifies as Miami. The dogs spot Hip and Hop riding on the back of a tour guide cart and try to chase after them. The vehicle drives up to a hotel and a gate closes behind, it stopping Luigi and Windbag in their tracks, though they pass through just fine behind the next car. Hip and Hop grab some big hats from a pair of ladies to use as disguises, then run inside the hotel, where they smell food.

Now is as good a time as any to mention that Mario does not appear in this episode at all. In fact, Luigi is the only member of the principle cast to appear in this episode, unless you count Hip and Hop. Because of this, Luigi is the only character to appear in every episode of the series.

Luigi and Windbag sneak over to one of the hotel's windows and see Hp and Hop throwing food at an old lady. As they throw food at other hotel guests, Windbag rushes in and lunges at them, but ends up landing in bowl of lobsters. Live lobsters apparently, because in the next shot you can see them hanging off of Windbag with their claws. As Hip and Hop run off, a man rushes into the room with a net and says, “Did somebody call for the dog-catcher?” No, I don't think anyone did, because the two dogs literally just got there seconds ago. Unless you were called to deal with the Koopas you have no reason to be there. The dog-catcher chases Luigi and Windbag as the pair run up some stairs, out a window and down a slide into the pool, where they bounce off a pool toy and onto a cactus. The dog-catcher then catches up to them and snags Windbag in his net.

Back with Hip and Hop, we see the pair hop into a blue convertible. Luigi lunges at them, but an instant before he catches them the dog-catcher appears out of nowhere and snags Luigi in his net. He doesn’t seem to have seen Hip and Hop at all, or if he did, he figured that a pair of lizard people in a convertible was perfectly normal for Miami. He throws Luigi and Windbag in the back of his truck as Hip and Hop drive off. I'm assuming the owner of that car left their keys in the ignition because I never see either of the twins use their magic to make the car start.

As the twins cruise down the road they turn on the radio and hear a news story about a space shuttle launch at Kennedy Space Center tomorrow morning. They decide to go there, despite the fact that neither of them should know exactly what a space shuttle is. Or know where Kennedy Space Center is. We then see the blue convertible pull up in front of “Florida State Poochitentiary.” I don't know why they show this, because it has nothing to do with the following scene. Hip and Hop don't get out and go inside the Poochitentiary. At this point they're still supposed to be on a rampage. Inside, Luigi and Windbag are being dropped off in a prison cell. And when I say prison cell, I mean that in the most literal sense. It's also filled with other dogs, who Windbag starts pushing around. Luigi comes up with an idea to build a pyramid so they can reach a vent in the ceiling. Windbag commands the dogs to do what he says, but it's not until Luigi barks out a command followed by the word “please,” that the dogs do anything. I'm not sure the lesson here is so much “be polite” as it is “asking for help in the right language is important.” Also, how does Luigi speak dog now? The king reluctantly forms the base of the pyramid as Luigi scampers up into the vent.

Luigi sneaks into the dog-catcher's office and latches onto a ceiling light. Down below, the dog-catcher is fast asleep in front of the TV. A reporter is standing in front of a car wreck as she announces that a red sports car is on a rampage through town heading to Kennedy Space Center. She must be the worst news reporter ever because the car Hip and Hop are driving is clearly blue. Then again she might just be colour-blind. Hip and Hop actually drive right past her and hit a cameraman. Not the cameraman filming the story, but another cameraman off to the side. How could the car wreck she's standing in front of have anything to do with Hip and Hop's rampage if they had just got there? At any rate, thanks to plot convenience television, Luigi now knows where Hip and Hop are headed. Then the light fixture falls down, hitting the dog-catcher on the head and waking him up. Luigi lands on a panel that opens every door in the pound. Sorry. “Poochitentiary.” The dog-catcher grabs Luigi by the tail, but he is soon trampled by the escaping dogs. Luigi and Windbag get into the dog-catching truck and drive away. How they are able to drive as dogs I don't know.

It is about at this point where I believe I first tuned into this episode all those years ago, starting the chain of events that caused these episodes to be recorded and then, decades later, summarized as you see here. Had I not turned on the TV and seen the last bit of this episode, I may have grown up never having seen the _Mario Bros. 3_ cartoon or _Captain N._

Outside the space center, Luigi tries in vain to leap over a chain link fence, but Windbag comes up with the brilliant idea to dig under it. I'd like to point out that the news report on the radio clearly said the launch was tomorrow morning, yet here it's clearly the same day and they're ready to launch. That's two news reporters who suck at their job. By the shuttle we see a bunch of astronauts walking along, until Hip and Hop zap two of them them and drag them off, somehow doing so without alerting the other astronauts. Luigi and Windbag pop out of the ground and see that two of the astronauts are way, way too small for their space suits. Clearly Hip and Hop intend on boarding the shuttle, though I can't imagine what their plan is when they're up there. Maybe they just think space is cool. The dog-catcher appears out of nowhere again and is about to lasso the two dogs with a rope. Luigi and Windbag run around him until he somehow ties himself up with his own lasso. It doesn't just go over his head and pin his arms down, the entire length of rope wraps around him until he can't even hop, though he unties himself quickly enough.

Just as Hip and Hop are about to get on the elevator to the top of the shuttle, Luigi tackles them, grabs the wand and tosses it to Windbag. The first thing Windbag does is put three random dudes to sleep. The dog-catcher runs by them and falls asleep himself, though the way this is shot, it looks like that part was an accident. Then Windbag turns himself and Luigi back into humans and makes a hole in the ground that Luigi tosses Hip and Hop into, announcing it would take them back to Kastle Koopa. Windbag turns the dog-catcher into a dog for all of two seconds before turning him back. He says that the experience might teach him to be a kinder dog-catcher, but he was clearly asleep for the whole experience so I don't see how he could learn a darn thing. Windbag wakes up all the people he put to sleep and makes another warp that he and Luigi hop into.

We briefly cut back to Ice Land Castle, where King Windbag is serving dinner to the servant he was yelling at before. He winks at Luigi and that's it. Episode over.

\----

I actually like the premise presented by “Crimes R Us.” Having a convict teach the kids how to be bad is fun, and the way Bigmouth keeps robbing his siblings at ptooie point is genuinely funny. “The Lost City of Kongoland” shows Lana being possessed by an evil witch-doctor, and though that's an interesting idea, I feel more could have been done with it. We did get to see Donkey Kong wrestle a T. rex off a cliff though. Finally we have “Life's Ruff,” the episode that started it all, at least for me. Looking back on it now, I'd have to say it's pretty average as far as this show is concerned.

That concludes our episode by episode summary of the show, but there are still a few more things to talk about.


	15. Game Over

The episodes of _Captain N & The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ that I have were recorded on three VHS tapes long ago. The first tape holds the first five episodes, followed by a few episodes of the _[Beetlejuice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWHVvXUw-RU)_ series. The second tape had another five episodes with three episodes of _[Tiny Toon Adventures](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EiEX4tmCfY)_ mixed in. Specifically the episodes “Dating, Acme Acres Style,” “Looniversity Daze” and “Best o' Plucky Duck Day.” The last tape had the eleventh episode, though I can't remember what else was on the tape and, unfortunately, I have been missing it for years.

When I go online to look up the episode order, they are never consistent with the order I have on my VHS tapes, even taking into account that I'm missing episodes. The week after we recorded that eleventh episode, we ended up taping a rerun of the first episode, thus we stopped taping. However, I knew there was at least one episode left out there because we never recorded the episode I saw on TV that started this process in the first place. Based on my research I think _Captain N & The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ was the first iteration of the show, and later on the two shows were split up and broadcast separately as two independent half hour shows. There's also one more _Captain N_ episode in Season 2 called “When Mother Brain Rules,” but it's a clip show. There isn't even a framing device, it's just a bunch of random clips from Season 1 and Season 2. There are actually two versions of this episode. The first has a short introduction by a narrator setting up the premise, then it's just a bunch of clips with no dialogue except at the very end, which is just the last few seconds of “Game Boy.” The second version is the more well-known one and has Simon narrating, talking about the war, how he feels about Kevin's arrival, then how Kevin fits in with the team. This version doesn't end with the last scene of “Game Boy,” instead Simon concludes that the N Team will win the war. I'm not sure exactly what the deal with this episode is, but I can tell you it's missing from the _Captain N_ DVD. On the topic of DVDs, Seasons 1 and 2 were released on a DVD called _Captain N: The Game Master - The Complete Series_ , but no Season 3 episodes were included on the disc. Instead all Season 3 episodes can be found on the _Captain N and the New Super Mario World_ DVD, alongside every _Super Mario World_ episode.

One interesting thing about this show is that, even though the format was _Mario_ then _Captain N_ then _Mario_ , it seems that _Captain N_ got top billing. The show is called _Captain N & The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_. When the episode starts it's always a preview of the _Captain N_ episode, THEN a preview of the _Mario_ episode. Granted the _Captain N_ episode would come on before the second _Mario_ episode, which is the only one of the two that got a preview. During the credits, we get the _Captain N_ credits before the _Mario_ credits. I'm not saying this is a crime or anything, I just think it's interesting that DIC always put _Captain N_ in front of Mario, possibly the most popular, well-known video game character ever. The following series was also marketed as _Captain N and the New Super Mario World_ , again with _Captain N_ listed first. It makes me wonder if Season 1 of _Captain N_ was more popular than the _The Super Mario Bros. Super Show_.

In addition to the actual TV shows that were recorded, we, of course, also got the commercials from the original broadcast, as well as the bumpers which separated the shows from the commercials. You can see the bumpers NBC used on Saturday mornings [ here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7P85iYZx3RQ&t=10m24s). Commercials can be just as nostalgic as the TV shows, but unlike the shows which are still remembered today, the commercials are largely forgotten. A partial list of the commercials I have on tape (though not necessarily on the same tapes as _Mario_ and _Captain N_ ) include: [ Twizzlers](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAuwf6ManQ0), [ Burger King Kid's Club](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alf0HfujmGE), [ Blacktron LEGO](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gi8cQGxHRj8), [ Fruit Stripe Gum](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSTGOyDFPrU), [ Barbie Hawaiian Ice Party](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gKjLV2wKmg), [ Grape Escape Board Game](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2rCP1BpDms), [ Chef Boyardee](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39aFP-bbQPI), [ Mentos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4hlzRNu3uE), [ Golden Crisp](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AodDUrqLK7g), [ Juicy Fruit](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tj9aYE33mfo), [ Dinoghetti](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPME00j1Bw8), [ Mr Chrsitie’s Wizards Castle Cookies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7LRV3vGetE), [ Crocodile Mile](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PQH741svy4), [ Kraft Macaroni and Cheese](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqV4AbtLWxk), [ Hi-C](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyI60tn0V1w&t=8m54s), [ Cookie Crisp](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4g9zoX5QbI), [ Rainbow Chips Ahoy!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5fHzv2A9w8) [ Lite-Brite](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Huat89z2WrA), [ Teddy Grahms](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjEJS4BXv2s), [ Cinnamon toast Crunch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA3mwTczElY), [ Lucky Charms](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cphCiIzArwE), [ Captain Crunch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaumIKy9BzM), [ Bill and Ted's Excellent Cereal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAM-MGJylmo), [ Dino-Riders](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqUvAhrb86Y) and lastly, [ Sonic and the Sega Genesis](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3xZUSr2JAM). [ Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoQc1spQ8PQ) is an assortment of commercials which include the _Camp Candy_ credits. I also have a commercial for a Disney film called _[The Rocketeer](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi0Et31E7s4)._

If there is one thing I hope to have conveyed to you here, it's how significant this show was to me growing up. I know this show isn't exactly high art, but I still loved it, flaws and all. For me, there isn't really a more powerful form of nostalgia than popping in one of these old VHS tapes and watching it, especially with the commercials and bumpers included. Every few years I would hunt down these tapes, put them in my VCR and take a trip down memory lane. To be perfectly frank, I still get a little misty-eyed when I hear the song that plays during the [ end credits](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-V2wgsrfVE) of the video game.

Where did the idea for _Captain N_ come from? Well, back in the 80s, Nintendo Power editor Randy Studdard wrote a short story called “Captain Nintendo,” which appeared in Nintendo Power Issues 3 and 4. In this story, Nintendo employee Brett Randalls was playing _Metroid_ when a freak accident, involving coffee being spilled on computer chips, brought the character Mother Brain to life. The same accident gave Brett the power to pull items and characters from Nintendo games, while Mother Brain did something similar. Apparently when Nintendo wanted to create a TV series based off NES games, they pointed to this “Captain Nintendo” story and told DIC to make something with a similar premise. Randy Studdard never got credit for his hand in any of this. Looking at that short story, it's very different from what _Captain N_ ended up being. Brett and Kevin are nothing alike and the short story functions in sort of the opposite way they would work in _Captain N_. In the show Kevin was called to a world of video games, while in the short story, video game characters came to the real world. However, one thing that stayed the same in both treatments, Mother Brain is the main villain. I think when DIC were told to make _Captain N_ , they were instructed to make Mother Brain the big bad because of the “Captain Nintendo” story, but none of the writers knew anything else about _Metroid_ , the game she came from. Hence, Mother Brain is the main villain, of _Captain N_ , but there is no sign of Samus, the main protagonist of the _Metroid_ series.

In addition to the cartoons, both _Captain N_ and _Super Mario_ had some comics based on them. There were some _Mario_ comics that ran in Nintendo Power for a while under the name _[Super Mario Adventures](https://www.mariowiki.com/Super_Mario_Adventures)._ In addition, both _Mario_ and _Captain N_ , as well as _The Legend of Zelda_ , were part of a series called the _[Nintendo Comics System](https://www.mariowiki.com/Nintendo_Comics_System)._ In both these instances the _Mario_ comics actually used the in-game names for Bowser and the Koopalings, and the kids' personalities more closely matched the personas the video games hinted they had. I think. Their game personalities are kind of up in the air. Some are spelled out, but others are harder to pin down, and even when the Koopalings do appear in the games, they will often get little time to show off what character traits they have. When _Captain N_ was turned into a comic, they lost the rights to all the characters not owned by Nintendo. That means Simon, Mega Man and Dr. Wily were all absent from the comic. Also, there was no Gameboy. However we did get to see Samus, the protagonist of the _Metroid_ series, as part of the N Team. The comics also switched up the love triangle. Instead of Simon being attracted to Lana, Samus likes Kevin, seeing him as the only one worthy of her. Issues were made up of five stories, ranging in length from small one or two page stories, to larger stuff up to ten pages long. There was one story titled “The Fruit and Vegetable War,” which I only bring up because it's weird. Among the weirdest Captain N gets, which is saying something. Also weird is “Nervous Meltdown” where King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard infect the fusion reactor in the Palace of Power with a computer virus, and it begins to meltdown. Lana says that if it blows, thousands could die, though I've never seen anyone BUT the N Team ever live in the Palace. However, since Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are idiots, they also infected Mother Brain with the virus. Thus, the N Team must journey into Mother Brain's mind to find a cure to save both her and the Palace. One of the more memorable stories was “Breakout,” where Samus and Lana get thrown in prison and have to escape. A bunch of Federation soldiers come to arrest them, and take them before a Federation Judge. Thing is, the judge had been replaced by Ridley, and none of the Federation soldiers who arrested Samus and Lana noticed that Ridley had replaced the judge, because both of them happen to be the same species. It takes seven soldiers to hold Samus back and keep her from attacking Ridley on the spot. Also, the comic used the Ridley design from the _Metroid_ manual, AKA the one that looks nothing like Ridley. Not that the Ridley from the _Captain N_ cartoon is accurate either. Samus gets her suit taken away and is thrown in a prison block with a bunch of _Metroid_ baddies, while Lana is thrown in a separate block filled with _Kid Icarus_ baddies. A bunch of prisoners want a piece of Samus, so she picks up Kraid by the tail and swings him around hitting the others.During her escape she threatens to beat up Kraid more, unless he runs into the open, creating a distraction for her. _Captain N_ isn't perfect, but it does make Samus look like a badass. Samus goes over to Lana's part of the prison and literally drags her away. See, Lana had made friends with the criminals in her part of the prison telling them that the guards were mistreating them and that even though they were prisoners they deserved better. I should note that, as awesome as this Samus can be, she also dislikes Lana because Kevin likes her, which is kind of petty. “A King of Shreds and Patches” saw Kevin get thrown into what I assume is a one-way warp zone to a Garbageworld. Samus conveniently has a portable space-time warp and plans to go through the chute, then travel into the future to meet Kevin. However I have no idea why she would need to travel forward in time to do anything. She attempts to go forward in time 15 minutes, but apparently she never read the instructions, because she ends up in Garbageworld fifteen years in the future. She finds Kevin, who is now older, and Kevin now likes her. Samus has to choose between staying with older Kevin or using the time device to go back in time and stop Kevin from falling into the Garbageworld warp zone in the first place. It shouldn't really be a hard choice to make, considering in this future Mother Brain has conquered all of Videoland, but it's played up like it's a tough decision on Samus' part. Like I said before, this Samus can be kind of petty. Of course, she eventually makes the right call, goes back in time, and saves the day. In the final issue we learn that Mother Brain had at one point brainwashed Samus and had her kidnap King Charles. Lana was not happy when she found out this little detail. The comics introduced a new bad guy in the form of Uranos, another _Kid Icarus_ villain. He is much more competent than King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard ever were. At least, he acts more competent, but he only shows up two times and barely does anything. One of the shorter two page stories is a list of villain Dos and Don'ts. Uranos shows what to do and Eggplant Wizard shows what NOT to do. Oddly, in the first issue it is stated that Donkey Kong is a minion of Mother Brain, even though he never appears in another issue, and he was most definitely not one of Mother Brain's lackeys in the cartoon. Unless you count the first season episode “Videolympics” where he actually was. Consistency!

September of 1989 marked the first appearance of two shows, _The Super Mario Bros. Super Show_ and _Captain N_. _Super Show_ ran for one 65 episode season on weekdays, and _Captain N_ had a 13 episode first season that ran on Saturdays. Unlike later shows, the _Super Show_ had live action segments before and after the cartoons portion. The show began with an animated intro, featuring Mario characters grabbing power-ups and riding on magic carpets, while “Hooked on the Plumbers” plays. The live action segment would begin with Captain Lou Albano as Mario and Danny Wells as Luigi, bumming around bumming around “Mario Brothers Plumbing” (AKA the only set) and getting into hijinx, often with a guest character, like Dracula or Inspector Gadget. An example of hijinx would be the time [Sergeant Slaughter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHw_qj9Z4FY) arrived to train the brothers for a secret mission, only to be informed at the end that there was a mistake and that he was supposed to be training someone else entirely. After the live action segment had gotten going the cartoon would start. The cartoon itself had its own opening, with a narrator rapping about how Mario and Luigi got sucked through a warp pipe while unclogging a bathtub. They wind up in the Mushroom Kingdom and end up saving Toadstool from King Koopa. There was a commercial break right before the cartoon, one during it, and a third one just before the end credits. In earlier episodes, before and after the commercial break in the middle of the cartoon, we'd get a still image taken from that episode's live action segment, while later episodes replaced this with Lou and Danny standing in front of the show's logo. In both instances a voice-over would announce if commercials were coming, or we were returning from some. When the cartoon was done we'd go back to live action world for more hijinx, then we'd get a preview of that week's _Legend of Zelda_ cartoon, then back to live action to wrap up the live action plot. Coming back from commercial, Lou, Danny and the episode's guest star would say goodbye to the viewer before the credits began. Famously the credits for this show had Captain Lou dancing to "[Do the Mario](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65uNCLBTje0)" while the credits appeared on screen. Fridays had a _Zelda_ cartoon instead of a _Mario_ one. The opening for the _Zelda_ cartoon has Zelda explain the premise of the show to Link. She has the Triforce of Wisdom and Ganon has the Triforce of Power and that whoever gets both will rule Hyrule forever. Then it cuts to a bunch of scenes of Link fighting, before he delivers his infamous catch phrase, "Excuse me princess." Also, the part about whoever gets both Triforces being unstoppable? This is untrue. In one episode Ganon takes the Triforce of Wisdom and places it on his altar next to the Triforce of Power. Nothing happens, and Link and Zelda retrieve it a few minutes later. _Legend of Zelda_ episodes were longer than the _Mario_ cartoons, so on Fridays they cut out the preview of the next week's _Zelda_ episode. 65 episodes of the _Super Show_ works out to 65 live action segments, 52 _Mario_ cartoons and 13 _Zelda_ cartoons. As for _Captain N_ , it had a different intro in it's first season, that cut from one location in Videoland to the next, showing off places like Mount Icarus, Megaland, Castlevania and Metroid, and giving a brief introduction to all the major cast members. And Donkey Kong. In the real world Kevin is playing _Punch-Out!!_ and ignoring his mother's request for him to clean his room, when the Ultimate Warp Zone sucks Kevin in through his TV. Episodes weren't all that different from Season 2 stuff, at least, not on a surface level. Credits consisted of the intro, starting from Kevin playing _Punch-Out!!_ , with the credits laid overtop.

_Captain N & The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3,_ began airing in September of 1990 on Saturday mornings on NBC. In 1991, NBC aired a new show called _[Captain N and the New Super Mario World](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q64w8dcOxkI)_. It was 13 episodes long and featured a 15 minute episode of _Super Mario World_ followed by a 15 minute episode of _Captain N_ from the third season. Instead of being set in the Mushroom Kingdom, _Super Mario World_ was set in Dinosaur Land, and the mushroom people were replaced by cavemen. Toad was out and Yoshi became a cast member. There was also a recurring caveboy named Oogtar. Koopa and his offspring however remained exactly the same. Also, the "Real World" was completely excised from the show, as it doesn't appear in a single episode. The episodes that make up Season 3 of _Captain N_ are known for having bad writing compared to what came before, as well as worse animation and character models that were much less detailed than the previous seasons. While there were 13 new _Mario_ episodes, only 7 new episodes of _Captain N_ were made for its third season. To make up for the lack of new material, the remaining 6 _Captain N_ episodes were reruns of Season 1 and 2 episodes that had been cut down to fit the 15 minute time slot. This is actually how I first saw the first season episode “Nightmare on Mother Brain's Street.” “Quest for the Potion of Power” was also shown in Season 3, however, instead of being trimmed down, it was turned into a two-part episode. The show began with a preview for either the _Captain N_ or _Mario World_ episode, never both. Then came the _Captain N_ Season 3 opening, which is very similar to the _Captain N_ Season 2 opening, but with Kevin narrating instead of Lana, and using the new, and worse, character models. Next it was the opening for _Super Mario World_ which shows off some of the new elements in the show like cavemen, dinosaurs, Yoshi and the Koopa Clown Car, along with lyrics. Then it was a commercial, the _Mario World_ episode, another commercial, the _Captain N_ episode, one more commercial, then the end credits. The show also had custom bumpers before and after commercials with a character from one of the shows announcing they were going to commercial or coming back from one. Credits were just the _Captain N_ intro, then a shortened _Super Mario World_ intro, with no lyrics and credits laid overtop. Also, the show was called _Captain N and the New Super Mario World_ , but the Mario program was only ever called _Super Mario World_ with no "New" in the title. If you want to learn more, I suggest heading over to Random Action Hour for their coverage on _[Super Mario World](http://randomhoohaas.flyingomelette.com/rah/marioworld/)_ and _[Captain N Season 3](http://randomhoohaas.flyingomelette.com/rah/captainn/)._

I used to have several episodes of _Captain N and the New Super Mario World_ recorded on VHS tapes, but I don't know where they are now. The tapes also contained several other shows from the NBC Saturday morning line-up, including _[Space Cats](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvPHsYlj6MI),_ _[Yo Yogi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHylnwA-jV8)_ and _[Pro Stars](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=px5njG8ikvo)._ The segments surrounding commercials and in between shows were hosted by two guys called [Chip and Pepper](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7I-zOK5kz0). I just know them from their work on NBC's Saturday morning line-up, but apparently they had their own show on NBC the year after _Captain N and the New Super Mario World_ , where they acted as hosts, did skits and introduced cartoons.

I recall being super excited when I found out there was a new season of _Captain N_ and a _Mario_ cartoon based off _Super Mario World_. My mom recorded an episode of _Super Mario World_ and I was pleased, but the _Captain N_ episode seemed way too short. I was still expecting a second episode of _Super Mario World_ , but all I got were the end credits. I was so sure there had to be more that next week my mom recorded a full two hours worth of the NBC lineup. Thus we recorded _Space Cats_ and _Yo Yogi_ before _Captain N and the New Super Mario World_ came on. After that it was _Pro Stars_ , but no more _Mario_ or _Captain N_. I was really disappointed. I couldn't understand why my favourite show was now half as long as it used to be. As a kid I didn't notice the show's downgraded character models, even though they seem obvious now. Despite that, I think I could still tell the episodes themselves weren't as good as good as the previous year's outing because I didn't make my mom record every single episode. I think she only ended up recording like half of them. However, we still ended up recording a bunch more episodes of _Space Cats_ , _Yo Yogi_ and _Pro Stars_ alongside the _Mario_ and _Captain N_ episodes.

I personally believe that _The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ is superior to both the _The Super Mario Bros. Super Show_ that came before and _Super Mario World_ that came after. The live action segments have a unique charm, but I would have preferred that time been spent watching another cartoon. _Mario Bros. 3_ ditched the live action entirely for a second cartoon and I have to say I prefer that format. But the absence of the live action segments isn't the only reason I prefer _Mario Bros. 3_ to _Super Show_ , I think the cartoons improved as well. _Super Show_ was never actually set in the Mushroom Kingdom, with the exception of one or two episodes. Every episode they went to a different place and had an adventure there that had nothing to do with _Mario_ lore. One day they're in Rap Land and have to stop “Rappin' Koopa,” then next week they're on the sea facing off against a pirate-themed Koopa. Nothing mattered. There were a few episodes that weren't taking inspiration from something else and told actual Mario stories, and I think these are some of the best episodes. I'd rather watch a Mario cartoon be about _Mario_ than watch _Mario_ characters do a parody of _Frankenstein_. One such episode that told an original _Mario_ story was “Do You Princess Toadstool Take This Koopa...?” which had Koopa try to marry Toadstool. This would only be the second time in the franchise this happened, the first being _[Super Mario Bros.: The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2rvJsAc6N4)_ Only one episode of this show didn't have Koopa in it. Compare that to two episodes of _Mario 3_ , though those episodes did have some of his kids. In a few episodes it is established that, in addition to defeating Koopa, the brothers also hope to find a way back to Brooklyn. In “Flatbush Koopa” the brothers do succeed in returning to Brooklyn only to find the Koopa is already there and is in the process of conquering it. These episodes are exceptions to the rule though, as otherwise there is almost no continuity and the vast majority of episodes are still set in places that have nothing to do with the Mushroom Kingdom. _The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ on the other hand did have a consistent world. It was lived in. It had character. When Mario says he's going to send Madzilla to live in Giant Land, you know what he's talking about that because you've seen Giant Land. And the places the cast visits are actually taken from the game this is all based on. There is no Rap Land that only exists for one episode then disappears forever. Also, there weren't terrible pasta puns every five seconds. I cannot overstate just how much of the _Super Show_ was awful pasta puns. Mario's catch-phrase was "Pasta Power." It was terrible and he used it all the time. _Mario Bros. 3_ also introduced the seven Koopa Kids, and they helped give the show some character. The notion of Koopa having to raise these seven rambunctious kids gave him more depth than he had prior. The royal family plays off of each other well, they have chemistry together and each of the kids has their own personality. That personality may be one-note, but it's definitely there. All three _Mario_ cartoons were made by the same group of people, and it feels like, when they went from making _Super Show_ to _Mario Bros. 3_ , they put more care and attention into their work. Like, in _Super Show_ , when Mario grabs a Starman he changes so he looks like Fire Mario, but the show calls him "Super Mario." In _Mario Bros. 3_ when anyone grabs a starman, their colours flash and they turn invincible, like they're supposed to. I'm not really sure why this is the case. It may be because the people who made the shows had more time to make each _Mario Bros. 3_ episode. While there were 65 episodes of the _Super Show_ , there were only 13 episodes of _Mario Bros. 3_ , each made up of two cartoons. I think the people who made all this had about the same period of time to make both shows. To me this feels like a case of quality over quantity. I also think the staff became more familiar with the source material, because _Mario Bros. 3_ was much more faithful to the original games than _Super Show_.

So, the _Super Mario World_ cartoon that came after _The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3_ , had a consistent setting, had the Koopa Kids, and they didn't make a billion episodes, so it must be just as good as _Mario Bros. 3_ , right? Well, not really. The stuff I said about a consistent setting and characters still apply, but everything else is worse. The budget was clearly running out by this point, and it shows. The writing and animation were definitely not what they used to be. Yoshi and Oogtar can both be very grating. They both talk in this third-person, typical broken English that you've heard a hundred times before. Putting the two of them in a scene together just ratchets up frustration. People rarely say that Toad is their favourite _Mario_ character, but fans of these shows often say they prefer him to Yoshi and Oogtar. Koopa appeared in 9 of the 13 episodes, and I don't mind the idea of having a few one-off villains that aren't Koopa or his kids, but the villains that fill in for them when they're absent aren't anything to write home about. Probably the best is Wizenheimer, the magikoopa that lives in the Forest of Illusion, which they call the Enchanted Forest in the show, for some reason. Actually, the show gets a lot of enemy names wrong, for instance, wrigglers are called caterpillars and monty moles are called gophers. In general, characters are just dumber than before, falling for really obvious traps and the like. The brothers also had a habit of trying to bring modern conveniences like the telephone and the automobile to the cave people, which always ended up backfiring on them. My favourite episode of the season is “King Scoopa Koopa,” where Koopa opens up a fast food store and serves super unhealthy food and egg sandwiches that turn people into chickadactyls. Mario, Luigi and Yoshi all start eating the food by the truckload and soon become fat, but Mario hates eggs, so he doesn't eat the egg sandwiches that turn Yoshi and Luigi into chickadactyls. Toadstool adamantly refuses to eat anything Koopa makes, not because he's evil, but because it's unhealthy, which picks up on that point about her healthy eating habits from “Up, Up, and a Koopa.” Koopa realizes that soon all his paying customers will be chickadactyls, and thus unable to buy more more food, so, in a rather dark turn, he then plans to open up a fried chickadactyl stand and serve his former customers after deep-frying them. It's probably the most evil thing he's done in any of the cartoons, although in several episodes of the _Super Show_ he turns people into piles of bricks, which is something that happens in the manual to the original _Super Mario Bros._ game. Thing is, the writers would often forget to have the people turned _back_ when the episode ended. With all their friends transformed into chickadactyls, Mario and Toadstool have to stop Koopa, but all the fast food junkies turned chickadactyls try and stop them because they love the food so much. We also get the best music number of the _Super Mario World_ cartoon in this episode, “Keep on Running.” The episode is dumb and goofy, but I just love Koopa's scheme for being so weird.

How does this season of _Captain N_ fair? Well, I personally think Season 2 is better than Season 1, but that is an opinion. You could argue that Season 1 is better. Season 1 had one writer, Jeffery Scott. He wrote every episode, but he was not involved in Season 2. Scott admits to not being much of a gamer, which explains why characters are not like their game counterparts. Narcissistic, cowardly biplane pilot Simon, green Mega Man, having Mother Brain as the main villain but no sign of Samus, I think all this is because of Scott. Season 2 had different writers and I think they knew the source material better, hence how clever references like “I know nothing” made their way in. I also think that bringing back the cast of _The Legend of Zelda_ helped. Mother Brain appears in 11 of 13 episodes of Season 1, but only 9 of 13 episodes in Season 2. I like that we get a break from her now and again, because only having a single villain means they are always behind everything, and things gets repetitive. Having enough bad guys to form a rogues gallery is important, and I'm glad we got to meet guys like Viroid and the Evil One.

Then there's Season 3, which has the same problems as _Super Mario World_ , but even worse. The animation was a drastic step down from that of Seasons 1 and 2, the writing was terrible and the character models were much less detailed. Compare [this shot of Kevin](https://i.imgur.com/Qtpki.jpg) to [this one from Season 3](http://cnn.captainn.net/img/cn_tev_eps_s3_botbbkia_02.jpg). Mother Brain only appeared in one episode, and she looked like [this](https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dVxWGgJABPA/WJeX7gCGulI/AAAAAAAAHME/W2DAnD4BS5UUdQ6ltpjaJ2dlMZZzApbKACLcB/s1600/10.JPG). Several episodes were based off sports games, like basketball and baseball, and one episode was based off _Robin Hood_ , which is technically an NES game, based on a _Robin Hood_ movie that was out at the time, but when you think of all the iconic characters and settings from the NES, is Robin Hood at the top of your list? Most of the time the villains they used instead of Mother Brain sucked. For example, the villain of “Totally Tetrisized,” the second and final episode to feature Lana's brother Lyle, is Puzzle Wizard, a jigsaw puzzle shaped like a man, and he's terrible. Dr. Wily and Count Dracula from _Castlevania_ each appeared in on episode of Season 3, but they didn't have to play second fiddle to Mother Brain, instead being the main antagonists of those episodes. Dracula, called “The Count” in this series, was a recurring character in Season 1, where he would sometimes work with Mother Brain, but he did not appear in Season 2. In “A Tale of Two Dogs” Wily pretended to turn good so he could team up with Dr. Right to build a peace robot. This is the plot to _Mega Man 3_ , but the episode focuses mostly on Kevin and Mega Man arguing whose dog is cooler, Duke, or Mega Man's new robot dog Rush. "Return to Castlevania" has Dracula disguising himself as the Poltergeist King, a character only ever mentioned once in the _Castlevania III_ manual, to besmirch the good name of Simon's ancestor Trevor, AKA the Belmont from _Castlevania III_. It also features Dracula's son Alucard, however, instead of Alucard being this complicated half-vampire who opposes his father, _Captain N_ turned him into this totally radical skateboarding dork. The season wasn't even 13 episodes long. At least, the new content wasn't. They were only able to make 7 new episodes, and they were half the length of what they used to be. When you have to go back and take episodes from earlier seasons and pretend it's new content to reach a full season's worth of episodes, then something is seriously wrong.

If you liked cartoons based off video games, and were around at the end of the 80s, DIC, the company that made all these shows, had your back. In 1989 you could watch _The Super Mario Bros. Super Show_ all week with its _Mario_ and _Legend of Zelda_ cartoons, then on weekends you could watch _Captain N_. In 1990, _Mario Bros. 3_ and _Captain N_ were combined into an hour of Nintendo goodness, and you had _Zelda_ characters occasionally show up in _Captain N_. In 1991 you had a half-hour where _Mario World_ and _Captain N_ were joined together. A few years after all that, DIC were responsible for both _[The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPtPsoHBtT4)_ and _[Sonic the Hedgehog](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R2vFDIBToI)_ , sometimes called _Sonic SatAM_. DIC put out all these shows and I will always be grateful for that, even if those shows could have been better.

There were a few other shows related to _Mario_ and _Captain N_. That is to say, the cartoons made by DIC were repackaged in new formats, without there actually being any new content made. The year after the _Super Show_ , there was a new series called _[Club Mario](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhHlhovepKw)._ It was aggressively 90s and was hosted by “hip” teens. The opening used footage from the _Super Show_ cartoons, but there is so little info on this show that I'm not sure if they actually played these cartoons during the show. The series was so unpopular that DIC allegedly had all the relevant tapes destroyed, making it idfficult to learn anything about this series. After _Captain N and the New Super Mario World_ was done, there was another show called _[Super Mario All-Stars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaDhPC58Pj8)_ which showed a _Mario_ cartoon from _Super Show_ , (trimmed down slightly so it now made up half the episode, as when they were part of _Super Show_ they were longer than that,) followed by an episode of _Super Mario World._ There was also a show called _[Captain N& The Video Game Masters](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbJomK-v2Is)_ that would show content from _Captain N,_ (obviously,) _The Legend of Zelda,_ (which also had episodes trimmed down, just like the _Mario_ cartoons taken from the _Super Show_ ,) _Mario Bros. 3_ and _Super Mario World,_ but none of the _Mario_ segments from _Super Show_ were ever shown. Again, none of these shows had new content, they were just recycling footage from previous shows and I have personally never seen any episodes. Once these shows were taken off the air that was it. _Captain N_ was never heard from again and there weren't any more _Mario_ TV shows. Well, unless you count [ this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuqH1d1IZLY). Enjoy your nightmares folks!


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